


Trace

by xSpookyScarySkeletonsx



Series: Future Politics [4]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, This is going to be mostly fluff, but only in flashbacks, i just couldn’t help myself, in later chapters androids are being referred to as ‘it’, it takes them seven chapters to even get to their first date, the christmas fluff has arrived, these kids are slow af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-07-03 18:35:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 79,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15824610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSpookyScarySkeletonsx/pseuds/xSpookyScarySkeletonsx
Summary: trace:to discover the causes or origins of something by examining the way in which it has developedOr in this case just drabbles about feelings, first dates and awkwardness.Update: Apparently instead of drabbles I’m writing a full story because I have lost all control over my life.(Aka I’m actually coming up with backstories for once in my life. This could be a tiny bit confusing if you haven’t read the rest of the series but it should be fine!)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What do you do when you’re super sick and your main story makes you sad?  
> Obviously you make use of the 5 billion fluffy drabbles in your phone’s notes.

The hallway was only dimly lit, a stark contrast to the overly bright lights Lindsay was used to. Maybe the new owners of the tower weren’t quite as fond of wasting energy as their predecessors had been.

CyberLife had disbanded two days after the revolution. The chairman, CEO and just about anyone else that had held a high ranking position in the company had disappeared over night, presumably fleeing the country in order to avoid prosecution. It had left the government to deal with the aftermath of a civil war on its own. So far it had been nothing but chaotic. But they were trying. Which was exactly why Lindsay was here.

She had received the call late in the afternoon. A friendly, professional sounding android asking her if Lindsay would like to come fetch her belongings from her former office. The CyberLife tower had been turned into housing for androids, which admittedly made Lindsay’s stomach turn. But she didn’t have time to dwell on it when she reached the room she was looking for. She stopped and took a deep breath. Then Lindsay knocked, fussing with her hair while she waited for the door to open.  
She didn’t even know why she felt so stupid. And nervous.  
God, why was she so nervous?

When the door finally began to open, she couldn’t help but to think this was a huge mistake.

‘Lindsay?,’ Connor frowned, voice tinted with surprise.  
‘Hi.’  
‘I didn’t expect to see you here. Would you like to come in?’  
‘Please.’  
He didn’t move aside. Instead he just stood there in the halfway open door, blinking at her. Lindsay couldn’t quite stop the corners of her mouth from quirking upwards and it seemed to set him in motion. Quickly he stepped aside, opening the door fully so she could enter.  
‘Sorry, I’m still very new to this.’  
‘It’s fine.’

She stepped into the space Connor now occupied. It had previously been a small conference room. Lindsay spun around herself once while he shut the door. The window was rather large with a nice view. Other than that, there was a white plastic table with a single matching chair and a set of cheap plywood drawers. All three items were eerily familiar, similar ones having previously made up the office furniture on her floor.

‘Well,’ Lindsay said then, ‘it’s a room.’  
‘That it is.’  
At least an effort was made to give androids something. It wasn’t like they needed much, compared to humans. But still the room was... depressing.

‘What brings you here?’  
Her attention shifted back to the android.  
‘I came to clean out my desk so I thought I’d stop by and say hi, see how things are going.’  
He nodded. ‘Things are going well.’  
‘I’m glad.’ Then the weight in her hand reminded Lindsay of the paper bag she was carrying. ‘I brought you something. As a housewarming present of sorts.’

Connor’s eyes widened a little and he was hesitant to take the bag from her.  
‘You shouldn’t have.’ Then he seemed to remember his manners. ‘Thank you.’  
‘You’re very welcome.’ Lindsay smiled at him even as he looked down at the bag in confusion.  
‘I’m sorry, I’m not sure what the protocol is for these situations. Should I open this now or...?’  
She tried hard not to laugh at the question for fear of offending him.  
‘You can open it whenever you like.’

Connor seemed to think for a moment, then reached into the bag. Lindsay grimaced inwardly. The book had seemed like a good idea at the time. Paper books were rather rare these days and with him not really owning any physical items, Lindsay had figured it was a good thing to give him, remembering how he had seemed rather captivated by an old paperback novel they had found during their investigations. But now it felt like a ridiculous idea. After all Connor could just download any book he wanted without any need to go through the actual process of reading. It was too late now.

‘Is that... a book?’ His head tilted to the side as he studied the cover.  
‘It is,’ Lindsay said lamely.  
Connor turned the book over carefully, as if it might disintegrate at any moment. ‘That’s incredible.’ His fingers gently trailed over the cover. ‘I can’t accept this.’  
He was acting as if the book was some sort of national treasure and not just something Lindsay had pulled from her own shelf.  
‘Don’t worry about it.’ Then she sighed. ‘I should get going. I still need to clear out my desk. They really need the space, apparently.’  
‘Would it be alright if I accompanied you? I’d just like to see what the rooms look like.’  
‘Sure.’ She watched as Connor put the book back in its paper bag, then carefully set it down on the table.

They took the elevator to one of the upper floors. It was quiet, a lot more quiet than Lindsay was used to. The usual bustle of people doing their jobs was missing. She had been worried about running into any of her old coworkers. Apparently she shouldn’t have been. There was no one else here.

Lindsay picked up a cardboard box from the pile in the hallway. Then she headed to the small room that had previously served as her office. Her name was still on the sign next to the door.

The room itself was untouched and for a moment she just stood in the center of it, nostalgia taking over. She would never work here again.  
‘Lindsay?’  
‘Hm?’ The moment passed as fast as it had come. ‘Sorry, I was distracted.’

Lindsay set the box on her desk and began stuffing her belongings into it. A few pens, a sweatshirt, a notebook. Nothing special. Then she found a photo of her android, Rosie, and herself in one of the drawers. One of her coworkers had taken it the day she had been given clearance to take Rosie home. The android had been a prototype model never released to the public. Getting free, exclusive technology had been one of the benefits of working for CyberLife. Now the photo just made her sad. Rosie had turned deviant right before the revolution and Lindsay had let her go.

‘Have you heard from her?’ Connor asked, gesturing at the photo.  
Lindsay shook her head.  
‘I’m sure she’s alright.’  
‘I hope so.’  
She finally dragged her gaze away from the picture and put it inside her notebook.

There were a few other bits and pieces in the drawers of her desk but they were cleaned out quickly. Several years of working here removed in five minutes.  
‘Well, I guess that’s it.’ There was no point dwelling on it.

She turned around to admire the view from the window one last time, only to find out it was later than expected and now dark outside. The lights of the city were barely visible through a thick layer of fog. Lindsay shrugged and turned around to pick up the box, only to find Connor holding it.  
‘I can carry it. I’m human but I’m not made of glass, you know?’  
‘If you were made of glass, you would hardly be human.’  
‘Right,’ she laughed. ‘I can still carry it myself.’  
‘It’s dark outside so I’m going to walk you to your car anyway.’  
Lindsay sighed as she pulled the door to her office shut behind her one last time. ‘That’s a nice offer but really not necessary.’

Of course Connor walked her to her car anyway. When they left the building both their breaths began fogging immediately, adding onto the fog curling itself around the world outside. By the time they reached her car, Lindsay was already shivering. She unlocked the vehicle and Connor carefully placed the box on the backseat. Lindsay couldn’t help but to look up at the tower, thinking of how ironic it was that his people were being re-homed here. She wondered if he felt the same way about it.

‘Do you miss working here?’ She glanced over at him. Connor had leaned against the side of her car and was looking up at the tower as well.  
‘No, not really. Not after what they did. But it still feels strange to leave.’ Lindsay had studied at a university owned by CyberLife before she had began working for the company. It was all she knew.  
‘What are you going to do now?’  
‘I’ve been offered a job with the government. There’s still a lot we don’t know and they’re eager to learn. Although it remains to be seen if they want to use that knowledge for good or bad.’ The government had been quick to found the department of android affairs and start offering jobs.  
‘You think they may only want to gather information to reverse what happened.’  
‘I don’t know, maybe. It wouldn’t surprise me after what happened at my last job. But anyway, what about you? What are you going to do?’  
‘I’ve been offered to continue working with the police.’  
‘That’s awesome. You did a good job during your last investigation, even if it was for CyberLife. I’m sure you’ll do great.’  
‘Good job? I was nothing but a pawn in their game.’  
‘In a way we all were,’ Lindsay said softly. ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself.’

Connor nodded and Lindsay had to look away. Everything she had done previously had just been the right thing. Like lying on her reports to CyberLife when Connor started behaving strangely. It had been fine until they had bumped into each other the day after the revolution. Lindsay had forgotten all reason for a moment and hugged him. To her surprise, Connor had actually hugged her back.  
It was pathetic, really. CyberLife had assigned her to be his handler. She was a behavioral analyst, for Christ’s sake. Nowhere in the job description did it say to catch feelings for your subject. It was more than inappropriate. But Connor hadn’t been supposed to end up being so human either.

‘I should let you go,’ he said then, effectively stalling her train of thought, ‘before the fog gets any worse.’  
‘Yeah. Thanks for carrying my box and walking me out here.’  
Connor nodded again and they both pushed away from the side of the car.  
‘Thanks for stopping by today.’  
‘That’s alright. I’ll see you around, I guess.’ Lindsay turned to open the car door.

‘Would it be alright if I still contacted you every once in a while?’  
She was glad Connor couldn’t see the stupid grin that spread across her face from where he was standing. ‘Yeah, sure.’

He waited until she had driven off and Lindsay wondered what he thought might happen to her. The city wasn’t really any more dangerous now than it had been before the revolution.  
And even if something was to happen to her, what was it to Connor? Protecting her had been part of his programming, to a certain degree. After all she was human and had been his handler. But now? There was no good reason for him to care about her at all.

Lindsay sighed and turned up the radio in an attempt to distract herself. Getting home was going to take a while. The display on her dashboard kept flashing, angrily reminding her of the dangerous conditions; low visibility. Driving wasn’t much fun when your car’s 35 alarms started screeching at you the second you went over 20 miles an hour. If she wanted a computer to practically do all the work for her, she would have bought an autonomous car already.

Lindsay was glad when she finally reached home, pulling into the driveway of the multi-unit complex and praying her garage door hadn’t frozen again. All this technology and artificial intelligence but the stupid door froze regularly. _Of course._

But luck was on her side and the door slid open, although under protest, squeaking so loudly that she was sure the entire neighbourhood had been alerted to her coming home. The last thing she needed was Mrs Pattinson from next door to come ask her questions about _Alexa_ again. No matter how many times Lindsay had told her it was _Rosie_ , the woman never seemed to remember. Lindsay had no idea how she had even come up with the name Alexa.  
In a potentially rude attempt to avoid the old lady, Lindsay remained in her car with the doors shut until the garage closed behind her. Then she gathered her things and went inside.

Just as she shut the door, her phone began to buzz in her pocket, alerting her to a text message. She put her cardboard box on the kitchen bench and put the kettle on before pulling the device out to check the message.  
The stupid grin returned when she saw who it was from.

_‘I hope you got home safely. It was nice to see you again.’_

It meant nothing. Connor was only being polite. From a rational point of view Lindsay knew that, but the irrational part of her brain refused to accept it.

_‘Good timing, just walked through the door! It was nice to see you, too. Let me know if you ever need anything.’_

Lindsay felt ridiculous the moment she sent the message. But it was exactly what she would have said to anyone else. Everyone knew she always offered to help people, so why did it make her feel so stupid now?

_‘Of course it was well timed, I estimated how long it would take for you to get home in the current conditions.’_

Right.  
Of course he did.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, after finishing detriment: wow, i really need a break
> 
> also me: continues writing

Becoming deviant had been a steep learning curve. There were things Connor knew he liked. Like books, dogs and working at the precinct. And, slowly, he discovered things he didn’t like. Queues, for example. Especially queues in loud, crowded rooms. 

But that was exactly where Connor was. 

The ground floor of the newly founded department of android affairs was currently crowded with... well,  _androids_. The government had decided that all still functioning androids needed to be registered. 

‘ _Surviving_ ,’ Connor reminded himself, ‘ _not still functioning_.’ Deviancy also came with a lot of adjustments.  

It was a Saturday morning and Connor would have rather been at work. Even though he wasn’t allowed out in the field yet and had been condemned to doing paperwork. But he didn’t mind. It was better than not having anything to do at all. 

Connor had estimated that judging by his current position in the queue and the rate of registration of androids per minute, he would have to wait for another two hours. It seemed to be a slow process, the line only moving forward occasionally, androids getting called in by people invisible to Connor from his current position. 

He wondered if Lindsay was there. 

Connor had only seen his former handler twice since becoming deviant. The first had come as a bit of a surprise, the day after the revolution, with most humans still evacuated from the city. He had delivered supplies to one of the newly appointed android hospitals. It had really just been an abandoned warehouse full of desperate androids trying to fix damaged ones. And, apparently, the occasional human helping out. 

_ For a moment Connor thought he had a software issue when he heard Lindsay’s voice in the chaos. Then he spotted her with a little android girl. The child was telling her what seemed to be an exciting story as her parents anxiously watched Lindsay type something into a tablet.  _

_ Connor waited nearby, deeming it rude to interrupt. But still the girl’s parents kept looking over at him nervously. It took Connor two minutes to realize they probably recognized him from literally the night before. Eventually Lindsay seemed to catch up on what was happening, turning around to see what had captured the two androids’ attention despite their daughter being in treatment. She smiled when she spotted him but didn’t say anything.  _

_ It didn’t take long for the treatment to finish. Lindsay gave the adult androids some final instructions, all while the little girl practically clung to her leg.  _

_ When they finally left Connor walked over to the small space she was occupying.  _

_ He wasn’t sure what to say to explain his recent personal development but quickly found that no words were needed when Lindsay pulled him into a hug. Although it felt strange he hugged her back, marvelling at how he could feel the bones in her back shift.  _

_ ‘I’m so sorry,’ Lindsay said eventually.  _

_ ‘What for?’  _

_ She pulled away and looked up at him. ‘Seriously? I worked for them. Half of your people are dead because of people like me.’  _

_ ‘You didn’t know,’ Connor said, almost uncertainly. At least he hoped she hadn’t known.  _

_ Lindsay shook her head. ‘I should have.’  _

_ Upon closer inspection, Connor noticed that she was practically drenched in Thirium. She seemed to guess his thoughts.  _

_ ‘I’m only supposed to be fixing software issues, the kind of stuff that CyberLife never shared with androids, but this place is a mess so...’ Lindsay drifted off and shrugged. ‘I do what I can.’  _

_ ‘You shouldn’t be here at all.’  _

_ She looked back up at him, head tilting to the side. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ she asked almost cautiously.  _

_ ‘It’s not safe in the city. A lot of androids are still angry. So far things have been peaceful but you never know. You should have evacuated along with everyone else.’  _

_ ‘I’ll be fine, I can look after myself.’ Then she paused and her expression turned serious.  _

_ Connor watched as she pulled something out of her pocket and stepped closer, her body blocking the view of any possible onlookers as she handed him the item.  _

_ A memory drive.  _

_ He blinked down at it in confusion but still took it. _

_ ‘It’s information,’ Lindsay clarified. ‘Mostly classified data, as much as I could download last night.’ _

_ Connor finally looked away from the memory drive clutched in his hands and up at her. ‘You went to CyberLife?’  _

_ She nodded.  _

_ ‘Why are you giving this to me?’ She could have kept it, made use of it, given it to CyberLife’s competitors in exchange for a job.  _

_ But Lindsay just shrugged. ‘ I want you to decide what to do with it.’  _

_ Connor slipped the drive into his pocket just as another android arrived at her workstation. ‘I’ll let you get back to it.’ He felt like there was something else he wanted to say but the words didn’t come to mind. Instead he just stood there awkwardly for a moment. _

_ ‘I’ll see you around, I guess,’ Lindsay said. _

_ ‘Yeah.’ He nodded and made to leave.  _

_ ‘Connor?’ _

_ The android paused, turning back to face her. ‘What is it?’  _

_ ‘Take care, yeah?’  _

_ ‘You, too.’ _

The only other time Connor had seen Lindsay was when she had come back to the tower to clean out her desk. It had been surprising to have her appear at his doorstep just a week after the revolution. That had been eleven days ago. 

Connor wasn’t quite sure what to make of her yet. She had always been friendly, almost respectful, and she seemed to have taken to the concept of androids as people easily. But how did that fit in with everything else? Her job alone was based on androids’ behavior being nothing but lines of code dictating a reaction, software simulating humanity. Maybe her friendly attitude had only ever been professional, just a part of her job. 

One hour and fifty-three minutes later, Connor got an answer to at least one of his questions when he finally reached the front of the queue. All that was ahead of him was a hallway, doors on either side. 

One of them opened, an android stepping out of the room and leaving in the opposite direction before a human male appeared as well.

‘Next,’ he ground out, expression sour.

Strangely enough, Connor thought the man looked unpleasant and wished it was someone else he was dealing with. 

Then another door opened further down the hallway. The previous procedure repeated itself and Connor took a moment to watch the android leave. Only then he realized that the other human was his former handler.

Lindsay smiled when she spotted him. 

‘I’ll take this one, Eric.’ 

Her colleague,  _Eric_ , turned around, peering past the door and down the hallway. ‘Wait your fucking turn, Carter,’ he said when he caught sight of her.

For a second Connor was unsure who he should go to. But Lindsay didn’t seem fazed by the man’s comment and Connor decided he would much rather deal with her. 

She held the door open for him as he entered the small room. 

‘I’m sorry if I’ve caused you trouble,’ Connor apologized automatically. 

‘No, it’s not your fault. Eric’s just... rude.’ Lindsay closed the door before crossing the room. She pointed at a chair in front of a desk and told Connor to sit. Lindsay herself sat down across from him behind the desk, typing something into the terminal. 

‘Alright, I’ll get the formalities out of the way first. You’re here today to be registered as part of a census to determine the amount of sentient androids in the city of Detroit. As part of this we will collect data such as your model and serial number. This data will not be made publicly available. You can request a copy of your registration details at any time, both in physical and digital form. This initiative is the first step in an America-wide program to integrate androids into society as sentient beings.’ The words were clearly well-practiced, repeated many times before.

‘If you supply any false or misleading information you can be prosecuted under the law of the United States of America. Punishments include both financial penalties as well as jail time of up to two years,’ Lindsay concluded. ‘Do you understand that?’

‘Yes, I do. But how can I be prosecuted if I’m not legally a person?’ 

‘Don’t ask me how it works,’ she laughed. ‘I’m just the messenger.’ 

The tablet at the centre of the desk lit up and Connor placed his palm on it, skin temporarily removed. He received a data request almost immediately and transmitted the information. 

Lindsay watched as he removed his hand and his epidermis reappeared. Then her eyes flicked back to her terminal and she sighed. ‘Oh my god, why are you doing that?’ she muttered under her breath.

Connor blinked. He hadn’t done anything. ‘Do what?’ 

‘Huh? No, not you.’ Lindsay began typing rapidly. ‘It’s just this stupid thing. Sometimes the data that’s transferred gets messed up and all the information ends up in the wrong spots so I need to fix it manually.’ 

He didn’t question why she had talked to her terminal as if it was going to reply. ‘It sounds like an issue with the program you’re using.’ 

‘Yeah. I’m starting to think I should have stolen software instead of information.’ 

‘Or you could have traded the memory drive for a better job.’

Not only had CyberLife disbanded, leaving the government to deal with the aftermath of the revolution by itself, but the majority of the company’s data had been deleted from its servers. It made the information Lindsay had taken valuable. 

‘I think I’m done taking advantage of other people for now,’ she replied absentmindedly.

Connor had noticed before that she seemed to feel bad about her involvement with the company. It made him believe that she really hadn’t known anything about what was happening. 

‘Did you have a look at the data you took before you gave it to me?’ He didn’t want to ask her directly if she knew CyberLife had tried to re-take control of him. There had been several files related to him on the memory drive.

‘I did.’ 

When Connor didn’t say anything else she stopped typing. ‘I know what they did to you, if that’s what you mean. But I didn’t know they had planned it from the start.’ She didn’t look at him as she spoke, instead focusing on her hands.

‘I believe you,’ he reassured her.

‘I’m glad you do.’ The typing resumed. 

‘Why are you doing this, anyway?’ Connor asked, trying to steer away from what was clearly a difficult topic. ‘This is hardly a job for an analyst.’ 

‘No, it isn’t,’ Lindsay agreed. ‘But unfortunately it’s a kind of  _‘all hands on deck’_  situation. You know, someone released hundreds of androids that now all need to be registered.’ She gave him a lopsided smile and winked. 

‘I’m quite certain I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Connor said as a software instability notification crowded the edge of his vision. 

‘Of course not.’ Her attention shifted back to the screen of her terminal and she yawned.

‘How long have you been here for?’ 

‘I got called in late last night. We’re all only meant to do one day of registrations and I did mine on Thursday, but then someone got sick yesterday so here I am.’

‘You look tired,’ Connor observed. 

‘I am. I missed my last break and my next one isn’t scheduled until in another hour.’ 

‘They’ve scheduled your breaks?’ 

‘Yeah, talk about weird.’ Lindsay stopped typing again. This time the tablet in the centre of the desk lit up. ‘Let me transfer your registration details.’ 

He placed his palm on the device and accepted the transfer, just a small file containing his new registration number and information on how to keep his newly registered data up to date. 

‘Alright, you’re all done,’ Lindsay said, the screen of her terminal going dark. 

‘Thank you,’ Connor replied automatically. He waited for Lindsay to get up, then rose from his chair himself. 

‘The exit is to the left,’ she said while crossing the room. ‘Just follow the hallway and it will take you around to the main entrance at the front of the building.’ Lindsay pushed the door open and held it for him. ‘If you have any further questions regarding your registration, don’t hesitate to contact the department as per the instructions transferred to you with your registration details.’ This time the words came out so well-practiced they sounded almost robotic.

 She seemed to know it, too, because she rolled her eyes then, smirking. ‘You have no idea how long it took me to learn that all by heart.’ 

‘You’ve done well,’ Connor heard himself say lamely, standing in the open door of the small office as he found himself strangely reluctant to leave. 

‘Thanks,’ Lindsay laughed and only how he realized that he was much too close to her, considering their only casual acquaintance. ‘Enjoy the rest of your weekend.’ 

‘Thanks, you too.’ 

‘Yeah, I’ll try,’ she sighed and it took Connor a moment to make himself start walking, out of the door and down the hallway. 

Behind him, he heard Lindsay call in the next android. Then he had an idea.

* * *

Lindsay yawned as she pressed the button that would take her up to the floor where her new office was located, watching the elevator doors slide shut. She had managed to sneak away five minutes before her scheduled break, reasoning that she deserved the extra time because she had already missed her first break last night. It didn’t really make a difference though because she felt like she was dying anyway.

Her office wasn’t far from the elevator. The space wasn’t particularly pleasant and Lindsay hadn’t even had a chance to unpack her things yet but it would be quiet, which definitely couldn’t be said about the registration area. She shut the door to her office behind herself, locking the world out. Only six hours left to go. 

Then she crossed the room, setting her phone on her desk as she sat down. The silence only lasted about thirty seconds until there was a knock on the door. For a second she considered yelling  _go away_. But she hadn’t worked here for very long and she really,  _really_  couldn’t afford to lose her job. 

‘Yes?’ 

The door opened, revealing a familiar android. 

‘Can I come in?’ 

‘Sure.’ Lindsay nodded. ‘What are you still doing here, Connor?’ 

‘I wanted to give you these.’ He held up a box of cookies. They were her favourites, Lindsay noted. ‘You said you had been called in spontaneously so I thought you might not have had time to pack food and it didn’t sound like your break would be long enough for you to be able to go and purchase anything.’ 

She patiently waited for Connor to explain himself as she watched him cross the room before setting the cookies on her desk. 

‘Thank you, that’s very thoughtful.’ 

‘You’re welcome.’

Lindsay opened the packet, not particularly caring about how rude and greedy she might look, and grabbed a cookie out. She was starving. But there was something that was still bothering her. ‘How did you know I like these?’ she asked, waving her cookie at Connor. 

‘The time we were in your car I noticed some empty packaging that had previously contained this exact food. There was a box in your former office as well.’

Lindsay thought back to the time he had been in her car, when she had given him an obviously only work related lift, and internally cringed at the amount of rubbish that had been in the vehicle at the time. Not that it looked any better now.

She shook the thought off. It wasn’t like Connor really cared what her car looked like.

‘You make it sound like I eat a ton of these,’ Lindsay laughed, although she knew it wasn’t far from the truth.

‘I’ll let you enjoy your break,’ he said then, in that stiff manner she thought he had left behind when talking to her before he had even turned deviant.

But Connor also seemed hesitant, as if he didn’t actually want to leave.

Lindsay shrugged. ‘You can stay if you like.’ 

‘I wouldn’t want to bother you.’ 

‘You’re not.’ She gestured at the chair on the other side of her desk. ‘Sit down.’

The android hesitantly sat across from her and there was an almost awkward moment of silence as Lindsay chewed another bite and then swallowed.

‘So,’ she said eventually, ‘do you like my new office?’ 

Connor looked around for a moment. ‘To be truthful, I think I preferred your old one.’ 

‘You and me both.’ 

His head tilted to the side a little and Lindsay purposely didn’t look at his led for fear of being rude. ‘You haven’t unpacked your things yet,’ Connor said then, gesturing to the cardboard box at the edge of the desk. 

‘I’ve been busy.’ 

It seemed to be an acceptable answer and he didn’t question her about it further. ‘How are you liking your new job?’ he asked instead.

‘I’m not sure, I haven’t really done much yet. Apart from things that technically  _aren’t_  my job. What about you?’ 

‘How do  _I_  like  _your_ new job?’ Connor asked back in confusion. 

‘No, I meant how do you like  _your_  new job?’ Lindsay paused, re-thinking her question. ‘Well, I guess it’s kind of your old job. Let me try again; How’s work?’ 

Connor seemed to need a moment to catch up with her babbling. ‘It’s good,’ he said eventually. ‘Currently I’m only doing paperwork but I will hopefully be allowed back in the field soon.’

She nodded. ‘I’m glad you’re enjoying it.’ 

Exhaustion was finally catching up with her and she could feel herself starting to get a little drowsy. 

Connor seemed to notice, suddenly almost jumping off his chair with no warning at all. ‘I should go and let you enjoy the rest of your break.’ 

‘I have to be back at work in five minutes,’ Lindsay said, shrugging. ‘I’ll come downstairs with you.’

She stuffed the last cookie into her mouth, practically hearing her mother scold her for her bad manners.

Connor was waiting for her, watching as she slipped her phone into the back pocket of her jeans and grabbed her ID card.

They left her office and walked to the elevator in silence. Luckily there was no one else around, most analysts either not working on Saturdays or too busy with the registration process. Lindsay wasn’t quite sure how she would have explained Connor’s presence otherwise.

The elevator apparently hadn’t moved since Lindsay had left it and the doors opened immediately. She pressed the button that would take them back down to the ground floor.

‘How long until you finish?’ Connor asked suddenly and Lindsay frowned over at him in confusion. ‘I mean your shift,’ he clarified.

Still she just blinked at him for a moment longer, brain refusing to put the two things together.

He was so...  _pretty_.

Why did they have to make him so pretty?

She forced herself to snap out of it before it got even more awkward.

‘Six hours,’ Lindsay said finally. ‘It’s an eighteen hour shift.’

‘That seems excessive.’

She shrugged. ‘I guess. But it’s just for the registration period.’

The elevator announced its arrival on the ground floor with a small noise, doors sliding open. Even from here Lindsay could hear the mass of androids chit-chatting while waiting.

‘I better get going,’ she said as they stepped out of the elevator. ‘Otherwise we won’t fill today’s quota and I’ll never get to leave.’

‘That would be unfortunate.’

‘Tell me about it. Anyway, thanks again for the food. At least I won’t starve to death now.’

Although if she had starved to death, she wouldn’t have to deal with any more registrations now. But Lindsay didn’t say it out loud. It would take too long to explain to Connor.

‘My pleasure,’ he said. ‘Good luck with the rest of your shift.’

Lindsay laughed as she began walking down the hallway, always awkward when it came to saying goodbye. ‘Thanks, I’ll need it.’

She didn’t notice that Connor watched her leave.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: this literally only exists because I felt bad for not updating all week. Also it’s a day late either way bc I was meant to post yesterday. But I haven’t had a lot of time to write and when I did, good ol’ writer’s block made an appearance. On the bright side, we’re only two-ish chapters from the first date™️. Then we’re also gonna have a cute Christmas chapter after that because I love Christmas. Yay!

Monday came much too soon, Lindsay’s one day weekend offering little time to relax. She had collapsed onto her bed on Saturday night, after her eighteen hour shift. Seemingly only seconds later it was Sunday morning and Lindsay spent a considerable amount of time staring at the ceiling, wondering where exactly her life had gone wrong. 

 

But Monday itself wouldn’t have been so bad if it hadn’t been for the notification on her terminal, flashing at her first thing in the morning, informing her that a meeting with her superior had been scheduled for 9.45am. The notification didn’t tell her what the meeting was about and a quick check of the system revealed that she was the only one to receive it. 

Of course Lindsay’s first impulse was to freak out. Then she told herself she was being ridiculous. It didn’t help. 

Time refused to pass at its normal speed and when it was finally 9.30, Lindsay was convinced that it must have been dark again outside and she could go home. She spent another five minutes finally unpacking her box of things from her old office, which really just meant that she tossed them in the drawer of her desk and then put the empty box on the little shelf in the corner because she was lazy like that. 

 

Her supervisor’s office wasn’t far from her own and the woman’s very own secretary let her in. It seemed almost unfair that the rest of the floor relied on only one secretary between all of them. But the differences didn’t end there. Gabriela’s office was much, much nicer than Lindsay’s, with a window facing the outside world rather than the view of the stupid atrium on the ground floor of Lindsay’s space. At least the furniture was similar and Lindsay sat on the chair in front of the desk before she was caught standing in the middle of the room like an idiot.

Her fingers drummed against the armrest of the chair, an attempt to resist the urge to check her phone. Not a good look if her supervisor decided to walk in in that very moment. 

Lindsay had no reason to be nervous. Really. Although she didn’t know why she had been called to a meeting with her supervisor, she was sure that she hadn’t done anything wrong. So there was really no reason to be this anxious. 

Except the last time she had been in a similar situation, it hadn’t ended well. 

 

It hard started almost the same, her floor’s receptionist informing her that her supervisor wanted to speak to her. At the time, Lindsay hadn’t thought anything of it. A performance review, maybe. She had thought they were overdue on those anyway. 

But then she had entered the meeting room and everything had changed. 

 

_‘Miss Carter,’ her supervisor, Hailey, said, voice far too happy for any standard meeting, ‘how good of you to join us.’_

_Not like she had a choice._

_The woman gestured at a chair across from her. ‘Please sit.’_

_Lindsay couldn’t help the hesitation as she looked over at the two strange men at the far end of the room. Suits, ties, much too fancy looking to have any dealings with her._

_She kicked herself back into motion and finally sat down._

_‘I see you’ve noticed our guests,’ Hailey said then._

_‘It’s kinda hard not to.’_

_The woman smiled at her, the expression ending up as a tight-lipped grimace. ‘There’s a reason why they are here today. We would like to offer you a new job.’_

_Lindsay only just managed to keep her features under control. ‘A new job?’ she asked carefully._

_Hailey nodded. ‘I will let the two gentlemen explain. Now, if you’ll excuse me.’ She got up and Lindsay could only watch as the woman left the room. What kind of job was this that her supervisor couldn’t personally offer to her?_

_One of the men came over to her, making himself comfortable in what had been Hailey’s chair only seconds ago. The other one remained at the far end of the room, by the window, hands folded behind his back and stance reminding Lindsay of her dad. Former military, then. She had spent enough time around soldiers to know._

_Her attention refocused on the man across from her when he cleared his throat. He flipped through an old fashioned manila folder on the table. Lindsay’s department didn’t use the folders, much like the rest of CyberLife. Maybe it was only for effect, although she wasn’t sure what they could possibly want from her that would require them to make this kind of impression. Lindsay didn’t want to admit that it worked, not even to herself. She felt almost intimidated._

_‘May I call you Lindsay?’ the man asked suddenly, looking up from the folder. He had dull grey eyes but still his gaze was piercing._

_‘Sure,’ she heard herself reply even as she looked away in an attempt to avoid his stare. Her eyes caught on the manila folder still on the table. Lindsay was much too familiar with the open document. She would have recognized the cover page of her master’s degree thesis anywhere._

_The man in front of her seemed to guess what she was looking at. ‘It’s a good read,’ he said, gesturing down at the paper._

_‘Thanks. Although I doubt you’ve read the whole thing.’_

_‘I haven’t,’ he admitted readily, ‘but anyway, that’s not why we’re here. We’d like to offer you a job.’_

_Lindsay thought the change in topic seemed strange. Then again nothing about this meeting had not been strange so far. ‘I already have a job.’_

_He laughed and it didn’t reach his eyes. ‘That’s true. It’s more of an... additional task. Have you heard about the recent behavioral problems in androids?’_

_‘Yes. It’s been a difficult topic to avoid.’ Especially considering she literally worked at the source of the issue._

_‘Indeed,’ he said slowly. ‘CyberLife have developed a prototype to deal with such unfortunate instances. But it’s in need of some human guidance.’_

_Lindsay had heard about the prototype, of course. The first unit had only recently been destroyed during a mission._

_‘Human guidance,’ she repeated. ‘What does that have to do with me?’_

_‘We’ve gone through a lengthy process to pick a suitable candidate for this task. Your social intelligence scores are impressive and you graduated top of your year.’ He flipped the manila folder shut. ‘Lindsay, we would like you to become the prototype’s new handler.’_

 

Behind her, the door opened. Steps, then the door shut again.

 

‘Lindsay,’ Gabriela said, echoing the memory as she rounded her desk, ‘sorry to keep you waiting. My conference ran late.’ 

Lindsay shrugged. ‘It’s alright. I got paid for sitting here and doing nothing after all.’ 

 

The woman across from her laughed as she sat down. She wasn’t much older than Lindsay, maybe late twenties at most. But while Lindsay, by her own estimate at least, very much didn’t look like a proper adult and could just about pass as a teenager when wearing her hair down without any makeup on, Gabriela was the very picture of professionalism. Curly hair reaching her shoulders in a perfectly straight line, not a single strand out of place, while her dark skin practically glowed under the same office lighting that gave everyone else a slightly sick appearance. She was the epitome of radiance. 

Lindsay attempted to shift her focus back on the meeting instead of fawning over her superior. What was it with her and people at work recently? 

Her train of thought stalled completely when Gabriela pushed a piece of paper across the table. ‘I’m going to keep this brief because you have another meeting later on.’ 

Lindsay frowned as she spoke. There was nothing on her schedule but she decided to let the woman continue. 

‘I have been informed that you are to continue working with the police.’ 

‘The police?’ Lindsay echoed as her brain tried to process the information. 

‘Is that a problem?’ Gabriela asked back, brows raised. 

‘No, of course not. I’m just surprised.’ Surprised didn’t even begin to explain it. 

 

But, even worse, Lindsay hoped she wouldn’t be working with Connor again. It had been bad enough to be his handler, trying to tell him what to do when even with all her training, he had clearly been the expert. 

Then Lindsay remembered that the android had told her he was only pushing paperwork at the moment. And besides, maybe it wasn’t the same unit. Honestly, what would be the chances of being assigned to the same unit?

 

‘You will be working with many of the same people,’ Gabriela said then, as if reading Lindsay’s mind. ‘They’ve all been assigned to a brand new task force dealing with android-related crimes.’

She swallowed the sigh of annoyance that was threatening to turn this meeting into something very awkward. This was the last thing she needed.

‘What do they need me for?’ Lindsay asked, somehow managing to sound fairly neutral. ‘Wouldn’t it make more sense to clear Connor for field duty?’

The woman blinked at her from across the table. ‘Who?’ 

Lindsay bit her tongue before she could say _the android sent by CyberLife_. ‘The android I was assigned to previously,’ she ended up saying instead.

‘Oh, right.’ Gabriela’s features lightened a little. ‘The android was cleared for field duty earlier this morning.’

It was good news, really. Lindsay was happy for him. But still... ‘I don’t see of what use I could be for the police then?’

 

 Her superior sighed, seemingly not impressed with her multitude of questions. ‘Let me be honest with you; after everything that happened, we can’t just go and _trust_ androids. You can’t expect civilians to be willing to deal with an android when they’ve been affected by crime.’

The reality of only very recently having started this job was what kept Lindsay’s mouth shut, no matter how angry the statement made her. But her getting fired wouldn’t help anyone. And yet, nothing had changed. _Nothing._  

She was only listening haphazardly when Gabriela told her about the meeting at the precinct she needed to go to in the afternoon, to clear up the details of her involvement with the police and some sort of android dealings seminar, whatever that was.

 

Back in her own office, Lindsay distracted herself from the urge to scream by scrolling through a data analysis report that she had been meaning to read for the last few days. There were a small amount of deviants that had agreed to undergo testing, an attempt to understand what had actually happened to them. So far the only thing anyone was able to agree on was that their very coding was different to what it had been before their deviancy but no one knew why.

Despite the fact that it wasn’t a very thrilling read, Lindsay had always preferred to do the analysis herself rather than just read about it, she somehow managed to forget time. 

 

When her attention finally shifted to the clock at the bottom of the screen, she found she was late leaving for her meeting already. But Lindsay still had twenty minutes - if she hurried, she could totally make it on time.

 

But of course she didn’t. Every single traffic light on the way was red. And when she finally arrived at the DPD, she couldn’t find a damn park. All in all not a great experience. 

 

Lindsay’s misery only continued when she opened the door to the briefing room, meeting already in full swing. She tried to enter quietly so maybe no one would notice how late she was. But of course literally everyone turned around to stare at her as Fowler stopped mid-sentence to glare.

 

‘Miss Carter,’ he said flatly and Lindsay tried not to wince, ‘how good of you to finally join us.’

‘Sorry,’ she began, voice squeaky with embarrassment, ‘there was a lot of traffic.’ 

Lindsay was ready for the ground to open up and swallow her whole. But unfortunately the ground didn’t seem to want to cooperate. 

‘Traffic,’ Fowler repeated, clearly not believing her, ‘right.’ 

 

Thankfully he went back to his speech quickly. Everyone else was less forgiving, judgmental stares still on her. But then she caught sight of Connor at the other side of the room, the corner of his mouth pulled into a slight, lopsided smile. The only empty chair left in the room was next to him, although Lindsay couldn’t be sure if it was coincidence or purpose. It didn’t matter when she awkwardly shuffled over, just glad to have found a single friendly face.

 

‘I was beginning to think you wouldn’t come,’ Connor said quietly once Lindsay was seated. 

‘I wish I hadn’t,’ she muttered under her breath as Fowler finished up and someone else moved to the front of the room. 

Lindsay thought she was seeing things when she identified the man as the analyst that had worked across the hallway from her at CyberLife. Even worse, he began to give the same informative talk about deviants as Lindsay had given when Connor had first been deployed at the DPD. _The exact same talk._

 

No one else seemed to notice, probably because they already hadn’t been listening back then, just like they probably weren’t listening right now. 

The lack of new information left Lindsay enough time to wonder why Gabriela had thought it necessary for her to come here today. It was a waste of time; she could have literally been the one giving the talk. Although admittedly Lindsay was glad she wasn’t. Her nerves had not approved of the task last time.

 

She clearly remembered Connor telling her it was only normal for humans to feel anxious about having to speak in front of crowds. In return Lindsay had told him it was only normal for humans to punch someone when they were anxious. The android’s led had turned yellow for a second before he had told her that he was unable to find any research that supported her claim. Lindsay had nearly turned him into a case study.

 

It seemed like a lifetime ago, although it had only been a few weeks. Much like she felt as though this meeting had been going on for hours. A few people had actually decided to pay attention to the deviancy seminar eventually, some taking notes on their tablets while others used the old fashioned combination of pen and paper. There were a few pens scattered on their table as well, a couple of sheets of paper in the centre. Lindsay reached to grab one and picked up a pen. She couldn’t remember the last time she had handwritten anything but the skill came back to her easily. When she was done Lindsay pushed the paper towards the android next to her. 

 

 

Connor blinked down at the piece of paper, temporarily stunned by awe. He had rarely seen anything handwritten, much less anything handwritten just for him to read. 

_‘Good to see you’re back in the field.’_

 

The letters were sprawled out across the paper, a strange mix of cursive and print, slightly slanted to the right, strokes certain yet a little uneven, as if writing hadn’t been practiced in a while. Which was perhaps true. 

Then Connor thought it was bold of Lindsay to display her disinterest in the meeting so openly after arriving late. Yet he reached for the pen sitting on the edge of the paper. Of course Connor had been equipped with the skill of handwriting, yet the only time he had ever used it had been during the tests run by quality control before he had been deployed. 

 

_‘Thank you. I see you will be working with us as well.’_

 

His handwriting was a perfect display of CyberLife-Sans, not a single line out of place. 

Connor pushed the piece of paper back towards Lindsay, hoping he would be able to avoid detection just like she had.

Luck was on his side and no one seemed to notice the exchange. Or perhaps it was only disinterest, no one willing to pay enough attention to  see what was going on. 

 

Lindsay wrote quickly, returning the paper to Connor faster than he had expected. 

_‘Yeah, looks like you have to put up with me a little while longer.’_

 

Before Connor got to think of a reply, Tom Johnson, the analyst giving the seminar, announced it was time for a break.

As the volume of the room increased with conversations and people, including the ones occupying seats at their table, began walking around to seek out their favoured conversation partners, Connor moved to adjust his cuffs at the same time as Lindsay pulled her phone from the pocket of her coat and his arm bumped into hers ever so slightly. Lindsay didn’t seem affected by the incident, thumb swiping across the screen of her device as if nothing happened. But Connor couldn’t say the same thing about himself. The spot where his arm had touched hers felt strangely hot and his touch sensors recorded a tingling sensation in the area, although a quick diagnostic scan revealed that all of his systems were functioning at optimal levels.

It was... _strange_. He thought that he wouldn’t mind if it happened again.

 

But before Connor had the chance to dwell on it, Johnson was crossing the room to reach their table, occupying the now empty chair where one of the other officers had been sitting. Evidently he knew Lindsay, greeting her like one would an old acquaintance. And although Lindsay took a moment to introduce them, Connor couldn’t help but to watch with what he could only describe as annoyance as Johnson began a conversation about the department with Lindsay, the topic so specific that Connor wouldn’t have been able to add anything even if he tried. Instead he practically watched the minutes tick by, their short break coming closer and closer to its end.

He’d been looking forward to seeing her since he had found out that both Lindsay and himself had been assigned to the same unit earlier on in the day. Connor had come to the realization that he enjoyed talking to her, even though, or perhaps because, their conversations weren’t always easy. Lindsay was smart, very much so, and she understood the more mechanic aspects of his existence. Connor wasn’t sure if it was only professional courtesy but she was always so nice to him. He was aware that he didn’t have very many friends, wasn’t even sure if Lindsay considered herself one of them, so speaking to her was a welcome change, a connection to a world he didn’t quite understand yet. But any time Connor tried to text her, he found himself without anything worth saying. And now this very small frame of time he could have spent with her was occupied by someone else.  

When Johnson finally left to prepare for the second part of his seminar, their short break was almost over. 

‘I can’t believe I had to talk to that guy,’ Lindsay said, voice low enough for no one else to hear them. 

‘Do you not like him?’ Connor heard himself ask before he even realized he was talking. 

‘God, no. The guy is an idiot. He doesn’t know anything. Actually I can’t believe the department even hired him.’ She checked her phone again, absentmindedly swiping across the screen. 

‘He is to be one of the consultants of our unit,’ Connor pointed out. ‘Although he won’t be working in the field like you will.’ 

The other officers returned to their table and Lindsay dropped the topic. Johnson began the second part of his seminar soon after, leaving Connor to ponder on why he was so annoyed with the man. He hadn’t done anything wrong and logically Connor knew it was only normal to talk to an acquaintance. But it didn’t make a difference to how he felt, which was frustrating because if logic couldn’t fix the problem, Connor wasn’t sure what else to do.

 

With all the distractions, the rest of the meeting passed quickly, much to his relief. Next to him Lindsay seemed to feel the same way, although probably for different reasons, if the way she muttered _thank god_ under her breath was anything to go by. Connor had to resist the urge to tell her that god, if such an entity really existed, most likely had very little to do with their current situation. But then Captain Fowler reappeared and called them into his office, effectively stalling his train of thought.

 

Lindsay stretched with a sigh, arms raised above her head, before getting up. ‘Today just keeps getting better,’ she said, voice so heavy with sarcasm that even Connor noticed.

He adjusted his tie as he got ready to leave, then noticed the piece of paper still on the table, the one with their quick, handwritten conversation. Once Lindsay’s back was turned, he quickly grabbed it and stuffed it into his pocket, something strange inside of him horrified at the thought of leaving it behind. Then he followed Lindsay out of the room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 60k words into this series and I finally realized that we all have no idea what Lindsay actually looks like lmao. I guess I kept her as 'neutral' as possible so people could identify more with her in a way, but tbh there aren't enough female characters around that get to be fully formed people so fuck that.
> 
> Also if you've read Detriment, this is the conversation referenced in the last chapter!

The weather was miserable. Easily the worst Connor had seen in his admittedly short life. Icy gusts of wind whipping thick curtains of snow through the air, the view so limited it was almost impossible to see what lay ahead. 

The bureau of meteorology had been warning about the storm for days. But of course that hadn’t stopped the criminals of the city. And so Connor had found himself at the scene of a homicide. Although that wasn’t the worst part of the night. 

No.

The worst part was that Hank and Connor had come to the scene of the crime in the car of another officer. Because Hank’s car hadn’t wanted to start in the freezing cold of the early evening. But then the Officer had left without them. And so had everyone else. 

Which is how the two of them had gotten stuck in the suburbs in conditions so bad not even autonomous taxis were running. All in all not a great situation. Although Connor thought it could have been much worse. They had found a laundromat near the victim’s house. It was warm, dry and relatively comfortable. Hank didn’t seem to agree. The man had been cursing for about fifteen minutes straight. At some point Connor had decided to ignore the creative tirade of swears and focused on a solution instead. He didn’t know many people, especially not people he would ask for favours. But there was one person he did know who just so happened to live nearby. 

 

_‘Are you at home?’_

 

With the exception of a few work emails, Connor hadn’t spoken to Lindsay since the meeting at the station a few days ago. Although it had only really been reports sent back and forth, not an actual conversation. But she had said it was fine for him to contact her and she had always replied quickly in the past.

His train of thought was interrupted by an incoming message.

 

_‘I am, why are you asking?’_

 

Connor decided that the best approach would be to just go to her house. Lindsay was far less likely to turn them away when they were already there. _Empathy._

 

‘Are you willing to walk for approximately ten minutes?’ 

‘What?’ Hank’s head snapped up and he glared at the android. ‘ _Fuck_ _no_.’

‘Well, it looks like we will be spending the night at the laundromat then,’ Connor replied happily, knowing it would only annoy the man.

And, as expected, he scoffed, expression turning sourer with every passing second.‘What’s that place you wanna walk to anyway?’ 

‘It’s... a friend’s house.’ That seemed safe to say. Connor didn’t already want him to know whose place he had in mind. 

‘ _Friend_?’ the lieutenant asked suspiciously, brows raised. But Connor knew better than to react. ‘Right. This friend got a bed?’ 

‘Yes.’ A bluff. While the plans lodged with city council suggested Lindsay’s house had a second bedroom, he had no idea if she had a spare bed.

‘Booze?’ 

‘I believe so.’ Connor didn’t even know if she drank alcohol or not. 

‘Fine. Lead the way, then,’ Hank said, tone soaked in sarcasm.

 

The freezing cold combined with the heavy snowfall made the ten minute walk seem to take forever. But they arrived eventually and Connor knocked instead of using the doorbell. It didn’t take long for the door to swing open. 

‘When you asked me if I was home I didn’t think you’d actually show up straight away,’ Lindsay said, one hand still on the door handle while the other one was propped on her hip.

Before Connor got to reply, Hank was already practically yelling. ‘This is your _friend_?’

Both humans were looking at the android and he decided that this definitely wasn’t the best idea he had ever had. Not the worst one either, though.

‘Can we come in?’ he asked, gesturing at the door and ignoring the previous question.

‘If you have to,’ Lindsay answered, not moving.

Connor’s head tilted in confusion and she laughed. ‘Yes, of course you can come in.’

 

Connor had only been here once before, when he had been looking for his _handler_. Lindsay’s android had still been there and not even let him inside the house. Rosie had seemed uncomfortable dealing with him and Connor now thought that she had most likely been deviant already at the time.

The house itself was wedged in between two other, identical houses. From what Connor could see so far, it was furnished sparsely. A large, expensive TV was mounted to the wall in the lounge area. Connor only took note of it because Hank kept looking over. 

‘You watching the game tonight?’ the man asked eventually, tone casual in a strangely forced manner.

‘Game?’ Lindsay asked back, forehead creased.

‘The Gears against the Bulls?’ 

She continued to appear confused. ‘What?’

‘ _Basketball_ ,’ Hank groaned frustratedly. 

‘Oh. No, I’m not really into sports.’ Then Lindsay seemed to catch up on what he meant. ‘You can watch it. Tv’s right there, knock yourself out.’

 

Connor watched as his partner shuffled away, making himself comfortable by sprawling out on the lounge chair. ‘I have to apologize for Lieutenant Anderson’s behavior,’ he said then. 

‘It’s fine.’ Lindsay smiled at him, seemingly not bothered. Coincidentally, his software seemed to detect an instability at the same time. It had happened once before, although Connor didn’t see any correlation between a human’s facial expression and any potential glitches in his software.

 

‘I’d offer you something,’ Lindsay said as she rounded the island bench into the kitchen, ‘but... _you know_.’ 

‘Thank you, anyway.’

He watched as she reached for a glass of water on the bench and took a slow sip. ‘Let me guess,’ she started then, ‘you two got caught up in the storm?’ 

Connor nodded. ‘We did. No one at the station is particularly fond of either one of us so they refused to come and get us.’ 

‘So you figured you’d come here?’ Lindsay set the glass back down carefully. 

‘The original plan was to stay at a laundromat but I thought it didn’t sound very comfortable,’ Connor explained. ‘Not that it matters to me, of course,’ he added then. 

‘ _Of course not_ ,’ Lindsay said seriously, although her amused expression didn’t match her tone. ‘Hey, wait a minute. You’re planning on staying overnight?’

‘It’s only the Lieutenant. I can wait outside if you’re not comfortable with having me stay here.’ While it was cold, it wasn’t quite cold enough for Connor to damage his biocomponents by just waiting outside for a few hours as long as he was able to stay out of the snow. His clothing would provide adequate protection.

‘It’s not you I’m having a problem with.’ 

Before Connor had the chance to tell her that he didn’t understand, there was yelling from the other room. He quickly considered telling Lieutenant Anderson that being this loud in someone else’s home was rude but Lindsay didn’t seem offended. 

‘I swear I will never understand why people get so excited over sports,’ she said, shrugging. ‘Did you want to go somewhere more quiet?’ 

 

Connor followed her along the hallway. His earlier question on whether she had a spare bed or not was answered when her second bedroom turned out to be an office space, shelves lining the walls on two sides and the wall across from the door occupied by a large window. A desk sat in the middle of the space, crowded with a terminal and multiple tablets. But what really caught Connor’s attention was the pile of folders on the carpeted floor, all bearing the DPD logo.

Lindsay seemed to guess what he was looking at. ‘They’re old case files,’ she explained as she turned around to face him. ‘I’m meant to check if there were cases of deviancy before we were aware that it existed.’ 

‘Interesting,’ Connor said, kneeling down to inspect the folders. ‘Have you found anything so far?’ 

‘No,’ Lindsay replied as she sat on the floor beside him, ‘but I’ve only read about two files.’ 

 

It seemed strange to sit on the ground like this but Connor decided not to comment on it. ‘This seems like a lot of work for only one person,’ he said instead. 

‘Apparently these are only half the files. I’ve been told that Johnson has the rest of them.’ Lindsay shrugged and Connor remembered his unreasonable dislike of the man.

‘May I?’ he asked, gesturing down at the folders. 

She nodded. ‘Sure. I mean, technically you’re _the police_ anyway.’ 

Connor reached for the file closest to him. ‘Technically I’m not an officer, only a specialist,’ he pointed out as he opened the folder. 

‘Close enough.’ 

 

It was quiet for a little while as they both flipped through some of the files. At first Connor was genuinely interested and wanted to help, but his thoughts began drifting quickly. Staying focused had been one of the challenges of becoming deviant, especially in the last few days. A question had been weighing heavily on Connor’s mind, one he couldn’t ask just anyone. There was only one person who could help but still he wasn’t sure how to explain what he had been feeling. He didn’t even know if he understood it himself.

 

‘Can I ask you a personal question?’ Connor began slowly. 

Lindsay set the file she had been reading aside, the manila folder flipping shut easily. ‘Don’t you do that all the time?’ she asked then.

‘I’m afraid it might be a little too personal,’ he explained, now more aware of people’s personal boundaries. ‘If you don’t want to answer, I completely understand.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘Just ask, Connor.’

 

He thought about the best way to word his enquiry. For days he had been thinking about it, determining the best way to ask. But now he was so hesitant, almost... _nervous_? It had been easier when he had been just a machine. 

‘How did you end up at CyberLife?’ Connor asked eventually. ‘You’re a good person; I don’t understand what would make you want to work for that kind of company.’

Lindsay smiled but she didn’t look happy and he regretted asking. But Connor needed to know. He had concluded that since he had fallen for all of CyberLife’s tricks, done exactly what they had told him to do, he was a terrible person. Even though he hadn’t really been a person at the time. Then Connor had remembered that Lindsay had voluntarily worked for them but he still thought of her as _good_. Maybe if there was a reason behind all of this, a way to explain it, Connor could be a good person, too.

 

‘Well, before this whole revolution thing began, CyberLife was just a normal company.’ Lindsay shrugged. ‘When I first started working for them I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.’ 

‘But when you were aware of the existence of deviancy, you continued to work for them.’ In fact she had even accepted a new job that had involved dealing with the issue directly. It didn’t make any sense.

‘I didn’t...’ Lindsay drifted off with a sigh. ‘Alright. Do you want me to tell you the whole story?’ 

Connor nodded. 

 

‘Okay. As you know, I studied at CyberTech.’

He knew it was a university owned by CyberLife, specifically training future employees and the only place to study certain courses. Like behavioral analysis. 

‘I wanted to get away from home but it was difficult. There might not be any tuition fees for public universities anymore but many private institutions still have them. And either way rent is expensive, no matter where you live. Of course there’s the issue of unemployment as well. It’s hard to get a place to live as a student if you haven’t got any money. And even if you do get a degree, there’s a good chance you won’t find a job.’ Lindsay had procured her phone from somewhere while talking, fingers running nervously along the edge of the device. ‘But if you get into CyberTech, you get free accommodation while you study and the promise of a secure job once you finish your degree. It seemed too good to be true at the time.’ Lindsay seemed to notice she was playing with her phone and set it down on the ground before pulling her sleeves over her hands.  

 

‘So what happened?’ Connor asked to prompt her to continue. 

‘Well, here’s a life lesson: _if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is_. When you enrolled at CyberTech they made you sign an agreement that you’d have to pay them back for everything if you ever stopped working for CyberLife for whatever reason.’

 

Connor had the rather uncomfortable feeling that he knew where this was going.

‘Anyway,’ Lindsay continued, ‘I didn’t think it mattered at the time. After all, what else would I do with my fancy new degree? CyberLife was just about the only place to work as a behavioral analyst. And it was fine for the first few years. I never wanted a big, successful career anyway so I was happy to _just_ be an analyst.

Then one day my supervisor calls me into her office and there are these high ranking people there, telling me they’ve chosen me for a special job. You know the rest.’

 

Lindsay had been assigned to be his handler, going through weeks of special training to be able to do the job.

‘Why did they choose you?’ Connor asked.

‘They said it was a combination of factors.’ Lindsay shrugged. ‘I guess the most important one was that I owed them a substantial amount of money. It was either I take the job or they’d fire me and I’d spend the rest of my life trying to pay them back for my education.’

 

It made sense now. Money was a driving factor for humans. And a somewhat secure job was almost a rarity. 

‘I believe such an arrangement may be illegal,’ Connor said helpfully.

‘Fuck knows,’ Lindsay replied. ‘It’s not like the government was going to do anything and CyberLife knew that.’

‘So in the end you didn’t have a choice?’ Connor asked then. It wasn’t what he had wanted to hear.

‘There’s always a choice,’ she said, hands picking on the slightly torn corner of the manila folder closest to her. ‘I could have quit, found something else and paid CyberLife back. But I was scared of being in debt like that.’ 

‘I think in a situation like that, it is only understandable that you were afraid.’ 

Lindsay nodded as she leaned her back against the wall behind them. ‘That’s why I took that job with the department. You know, so I can make up for all the wrong I’ve done.’ 

 

So that was it, Connor thought. She was a good person despite everything because she had chosen to right her wrongs. All he had done so far was feel bad for himself. But maybe he could make up for what he had done, too. If only he could find a way to do so.

 

‘Anyway,’ Lindsay said abruptly, ‘I think that’s enough serious talk for today.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Connor replied almost reflexively. It had been him who had brought up the more serious topic of conversation after all. ‘I do have one final question regarding the issue though and...’

‘Enough already,’ Lindsay cut him off, playfully swatting at him with one of the folders. She laughed as Connor dodged her easily. 

‘Fine,’ he said when she set the folder back down, ‘no more _serious talk_.’

 

For a moment it was almost awkwardly quiet, but then the storm outside rattled on the window panes, snow clinging to the glass. They both watched for a minute before Connor turned back around to face Lindsay. 

‘You know,’ he started then, ‘I don’t actually know very much about you personally.’ 

She finally tore her gaze from the window as well and looked over at him sceptically. ‘What do you mean?’ 

‘Well, I know all about your career, but you haven’t spoken about your personal life much.’ Before becoming deviant, Connor had only needed information about people’s private lives to use for his investigations. But now he often found himself strangely interested in what the people around him were like outside of work just because he _wanted_ to know. 

Lindsay shrugged even as she continued to watch him cautiously. ‘What do you want to know?’

 

Connor didn’t need to think for long. ‘You grew up overseas, correct? What was it like?’ 

Her eyes narrowed slightly as she frowned at him. ‘Wait, how do you know that?’ 

‘It was in your CyberLife file.’ Connor had been given background information about his new handler, although the details of the first few years of her life were very sparse, only mentioning she had lived overseas. 

‘I forgot about that,’ Lindsay said, finally looking away from him as her gaze drifted down, as though she was recalling something. ‘My dad is in the military. He used to be stationed overseas so I got around quite a bit, I guess. We lived on bases in a few different countries, then moved back to California when I was about 12.’ She was picking on the sleeve of her shirt and Connor thought it was the most he had ever heard her talk about her private life. 

 

‘What about your mother?’ he asked then, fully aware that he might be pushing his luck with the question. 

‘Well, I was born only about a year after my brother. So since we were overseas and she had no family around to help her, she just got stuck with two little kids.’ Lindsay shrugged again. ‘Probably not the life she had imagined.’ 

‘And your brother?’ Connor couldn’t help but to ask, curiosity getting the better of him. 

‘He joined the army after he finished school, got married a couple of years later. Right now he’s deployed _somewhere secret_ while his wife is back home in California.’

‘Are you worried about him?’ Conflicts around the world were escalating almost daily, it seemed only normal to be worried about someone in that kind of situation. 

But Lindsay seemed to think for a moment. ‘I guess,’ she said eventually. ‘It’s not his first tour. And in between that and my dad having been deployed you just... get used to it.’ 

Connor wasn’t quite certain he understood the notion of _getting used to it_ but he decided not to question it. ‘Do you and your brother look alike?’ he asked instead.

 ‘What does that have to do with anything?’ Lindsay asked back sharply.

Before Connor had the opportunity to apologize she sighed and shook her head. ‘Hold up,’ she said as she picked up her phone, fingers drifting over the screen of the device. ‘I can’t believe I’m doing this but... Here.’ Lindsay gave him her phone. ‘We looked alike as kids. Not so much now.’

 

Connor looked at the screen of the device. It displayed a photo depicting a young, happy family. A man dressed in full uniform, his smile almost as stiff as his posture but still genuine. Next to him a woman in an elegant, dark blue dress. She looked tired but beautiful, a thick braid of long blonde hair falling across her shoulder. Two children completed the family portrait. A boy, maybe eight years old, with a wide smile that was missing two front teeth. His messy hair, a similar shade as his mother’s, sticking up every which way. The girl next to him was a little younger, her smile a little less wide. She, too, had her mother’s hair colour, although a little lighter, long strands windswept and tousled. Connor thought that the little girl in the picture only vaguely looked like Lindsay, even though the similarity to her mother was undeniable. It was fascinating to think that she had once been so small, different looking, with very limited skills and abilities compared to now. And then she had grown up, had experienced and learnt. _Naturally. Organically._

 

‘Your mother must be very pretty,’ Connor remarked finally, still focused on the photo. ‘You look a lot like her.’

‘ _Thanks_ ,’ Lindsay said, an amused tone to her voice.

Connor’s gaze snapped up, only then realizing the implication of his words. ‘I didn’t mean to...’ he drifted off, unsure what to say. 

‘You didn’t mean to call me _pretty_?’ There was a slight lilt to Lindsay’s voice and a smile playing on her face.

‘No. I mean...’ he paused. ‘I’m not making this any better for myself.’ 

‘Not really,’ she laughed. 

‘I do think you’re very pretty but I didn’t mean to tell you like that,’ Connor said, finally able to piece a whole sentence together. ‘I’m sorry if I sounded crude.’

‘Don’t worry so much, I knew what you meant.’

Finally Connor gave her phone back, fingers brushing against hers for the briefest of moments as she grabbed the device. This time he expected his artificial body’s reaction and it happened in the same way as it had when he had accidentally brushed against her arm at the precinct only days ago. The tingling sensation only seemed intensified by the fact that it had been her skin touching his. 

As a distraction, Connor watched as Lindsay locked her phone, the screen going dark as she put the device down to rest on top of her thigh. 

 

‘This is so uncomfortable,’ Lindsay muttered under her breath as she pushed away from the wall to stretch a little. ‘Hey, do you wanna watch a movie or something?’ 

‘A movie?’ Connor parroted. He had never actually watched a movie before. It was on his list of things to do but he hadn’t had the time for it yet. And even if time hadn’t been an issue, he wasn’t quite sure where to start. What kind of movie should he watch? What kind of movie did he even like? 

‘Come on,’ Lindsay said, carefully unfolding her legs to get up. ‘It’ll be fun.’


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really confused why it was taking me ages to write a tiny chapter until I realized I had accidentally written a 7k chapter instead... which is why I split this up lmao so part 2 of this will be up tomorrow or Sunday, depending on how doing my tax goes rip.

‘Now,’ Lindsay said as she got up, ‘don’t take this the wrong way but we’re going to my bedroom because obviously my living room is somewhat... occupied.’

‘The wrong way?’ Connor asked as he followed her. ‘What do you... _Oh._ ’

‘Yeah. Don’t make this awkward.’

Connor wasn’t sure what to do to _not_ make things awkward when they entered her bedroom.It consisted of the most obvious piece of furniture, a queen sized bed, a nightstand cluttered with an assortment of items and a TV mounted to the wall, similar to the one in the living room.

 

Lindsay plucked a remote from somewhere in the chaos on the nightstand. ‘Choose something to watch,’ she said and tossed the remote towards Connor, still standing near the door. The device landed on the bed in front of him. ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’

Connor only moved to grab the remote, although he didn’t technically need it, and switched the TV on as he heard Lindsay pad down the hallway. It automatically signed into a streaming service. Then he scrolled through the selection of shows and movies that the program offered, multiple titles based on what had previously been watchedand completely random titles.It was only then that Connor realized that his problem wasn’t just that _he_ didn’t know what kind of movie he would enjoy. What if he chose something and Lindsay wouldn’t like it?

 

He was still hovering near the door, remote in hand, when Lindsay returned.

‘Okay so, I kind of have bad news,’ she began as she crossed the room to set a cup of tea on the nightstand before getting comfortable on her bed. ‘Your _partner_ found my... stash and he’s pretty much wasted now. He’s so not going to be in a good mood tomorrow.’

This, _of course_ , shouldn’t have come as a surprise and Connor thought he should have kept an eye on the man to avoid this issue. But he had been distracted and simply forgotten.

 

‘I should go check on him,’ he said finally.

‘What for?’ Lindsay asked. ‘He’s already smashed now, just leave him be and let him sleep it off.’

‘Perhaps you’re right.’

‘I am. Now, I see you haven’t picked a movie yet,’ she told him, gesturing towards the TV.

‘I was unsure what to choose,’ Connor replied.

‘Anything you like.’ Lindsay put her phone next to the cup of tea, the device vibrating as it began to charge automatically.

‘Perhaps you should pick something,’ Connor offered, holding the remote out towards her.

‘No,’ Lindsay laughed. Then she patted the bed next to her. ‘Now sit down.’

He looked at the indicated spot on the blanket. ‘I don’t mind standing.’

‘Well, suit yourself. But if you change your mind, there’s plenty of room for both of us.’

Remote still in hand, he hesitantly moved to sit at the top end of the bed next to Lindsay but with plenty of space to separate them. There was a ridiculous amount of pillows on the bed, cushioning the timber headboard, although Connor didn’t quite dare to lean back yet. Instead he continued his scrolling through the various movies on the TV screen.

 

‘I’ve never watched a movie before,’ he said eventually.

‘Wait.’ Lindsay raised a hand to stop him from talking any further. ‘You’ve never watched a movie before?!’

‘That is what I just said,’ Connor confirmed.

‘It’s been like a month, how have you not watched movies yet? What do you even do when you’re not at work?’

Unsure how to answer the question he looked down at the remote instead. ‘I suppose I haven’t been doing very much.’

There were so many things Connor wanted to do that he hadn’t quite known where to start. So instead, he had done none of them.

 

‘Really?’ Lindsay asked back. ‘Doesn’t that get boring?’ She seemed genuinely curious.

‘I guess,’ Connor replied slowly.

‘Aren’t there things you want to do?’ Lindsay was watching him intently as she spoke.

Why he felt so stupid when he tried to explain his situation, Connor didn’t know. But Lindsay didn’t seem to judge and instead bit her bottom lip, eyes downcast as if she was trying to think.

‘Make a list,’ she said eventually, looking back up at him.

‘Excuse me?’

‘Whenever you think of something you want to try, add it to a list. Then when you get bored you can pick something to do.’

 

Considering this was Lindsay, it seemed like a reasonable suggestion. Connor had never known her to be particularly organized before.

‘That’s a very good idea,’ he said eventually. ‘Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome.’ Lindsay smiled at him brightly for a moment before she turned back to face the TV. ‘Now pick something to watch.’

Temporarily stunned by another software instability, all that Connor could do was look back down at the remote in his hand. ‘Perhaps it really would be better if you-’

‘Oh my god,’ Lindsay yelled, effectively cutting him off, ‘just choose something!’

Connor, still at an absolute loss of what would be an adequate choice, did the only thing he could think of; he pressed the play button on a random movie selection without looking.

‘Finally,’ Lindsay whispered under her breath as the movie began playing. Then she looked over at him, eyes narrowing. ‘Wait, did you just randomly mash buttons and hope for the best?’

‘Maybe.’

She snorted as she reached for her cup of tea. ‘That’s one way of picking something.’

 

During the first ten minutes of the movie Connor looked over at Lindsay periodically, although hopefully inconspicuously, to check if his choice in movie bored her. It was hard to tell because he didn’t have any references to what she acted like if she enjoyed a movie, but she hadn’t yawned so far or reached for her phone as a distraction, which he took as a good sign.

 

‘What do you keep looking at?’ Lindsay asked eventually, eyes never leaving the screen.

So much for _inconspicuous_.

‘I’m not looking at anything,’ Connor lied, suddenly feeling strangely uncomfortable at the idea of Lindsay knowing he had been looking at her. He was just trying to be polite, trying to see if she was bored so he could ask her to pick a different movie. Of course he had noticed that she was very close to him, almost close enough for his sensors to register her body heat. And of course he had noticed that a strand of her hair had slipped from the bun at the top of her head and was now curling against her neck. But that wasn’t what he had been looking at. _Not at all_.

 

‘Well, maybe you could look at _nothing_ in a different direction,’ Lindsay said, pulling him from his thoughts.

‘Sorry,’ Connor breathed out, mildly embarrassed that he had been caught staring.

‘Better be,’ she replied.

The android decided that he needed to explain what he had really been looking at, or rather _for_ , when there was a large explosion on the TV screen. Multiple body parts could be seen littering the scene, camera zooming in on a shot of a severed arm lying on the windshield of a car.

‘Oh, ew.’ Lindsay’s nose wrinkled in disgust. Then Connor had to remind himself again to look away.

 

His selection had turned out to be some action movie with plenty of explosions that he found unlikely to ever happen in real life and stunts that were straight out impossible for any human to perform. The plot wasn’t particularly difficult to follow, some revenge fueled journey the main character embarked on. Occasionally there was fake blood and equally fake body parts. Connor decided that he liked it.

Well, maybe not the blood and body parts, but he liked being able to immerse himself in a story.

 

Lindsay sipped on her tea, the cup carefully cradled in both her hands, occasionally making remarks about the movie if she found something particularly unlikely to happen. Eventually Connor began to do the same thing, speaking up whenever a scene seemed impossible. Next to him Lindsay explained every joke he didn’t understand, at one point even going so far as to grab the remote from in between them to pause the movie so they wouldn’t miss anything while she explained one of the more complex jokes.

Faster than Connor would have ever expected the end credits began rolling and Lindsay yawned as she stretched. ‘That wasn’t too bad,’ she said then. ‘How did you like it?’

‘It was an interesting experience,’ Connor agreed in his own way.

 

On the screen, the streaming service automatically minimized the credits and suggested similar movies to watch.

‘Oh my god, look,’ Lindsay said, voice rising slightly with excitement. ‘There’s a second part. Wanna watch it?’

‘It’s 11.32pm,’ Connor pointed out helpfully. ‘Perhaps I should let you go to bed.’ After all it was late and he was quite literally occupying her bedroom.

‘That’s not even late! I’ll be fine.’ Without waiting for an answer to her previous question, Lindsay pressed the button that made the next movie play.

 

It was similar to the first one in both style and plot, explosions lighting up the TV screen in regular intervals. Quickly they returned to their previous habit of occasionally chatting about the movie. But it was quiet for a little while when a major plot point was revealed, the main character stunned at the newest revelation. A few minutes later the movie returned to a stunt scene, a character jumping from the third floor without causing herself any physical harm.

 

‘Such a move is physically impossible for any human being,’ Connor remarked, still watching the antics of the two characters now fighting on screen. But when there was no reply he looked over at Lindsay, only to find her curled up and fast asleep, heart-rate slow and breathing even. Connor frowned, wondering how long she had been in this state already. He supposed it shouldn’t have come as a surprise considering how late it was. Carefully he grabbed the remote from in between them, although he didn’t technically need it, and used the device to turn off the TV. Then he slowly maneuvered himself off the bed without ever waking Lindsay. Almost as an afterthought he grabbed one side of her duvet and pulled it over her, effectively wrapping her up in the material. Connor left the room, turning the lights off as he went.

 

* * *

 

 

Lindsay really, really hadn’t meant to fall asleep. It had been late and she had been exhausted but she was still young and totally capable of pulling an all-nighter, especially with her awkward yet gorgeous coworker in her bedroom. But the next thing she knew, she was tangled up in her blanket, hot and uncomfortable in her jeans from the day before, blinking at the morning’s first rays of light.

_Oh, boy._

 A quick look at her phone revealed that it was in fact 7.34am on Saturday morning. Much too early. Any other time Lindsay would have rolled over and gone back to sleep but she most likely still had guests. So instead she forced herself out of bed and her clothes, slipping on a new pair of jeans and a sweatshirt before padding into the master bathroom. Half her hair still somewhat resembled yesterday’s bun while the other half had completely abandoned the hairstyle and was sticking up every which way. To complete her look, there were smudges of mascara around her eyes as well as on her hands. 

 It took five minutes and a good amount of Lindsay’s patience to scrub the makeup from her face and to force her hair back into a more presentable style. 

When she looked a little less like someone who had passed out during a movie night and a little more like her usual, albeit tired, self, Lindsay set out to find Connor. For some reason even she couldn’t explain she had halfway expected him to be waiting outside but instead it turned out she didn’t need to go far.

 

 Connor was sitting on the floor of her office, the case files that had previously crowded the space in a messy flood of folders now stacked into multiple neat piles.

‘Hi,’ Lindsay said a little awkwardly, still only halfway in the door.

‘Good morning,’ Connor replied chirpily as he looked up at her.

‘Did I fall asleep on you last night?’ She cringed inwardly and hoped it didn’t show.

‘Literally or figuratively?’ the android asked back.

_Oh god._

Lindsay shrugged. ‘Both, I guess,’ she said, somehow managing to sound unaffected.

‘You did figuratively. I stopped the movie halfway through so as not to disturb your rest.’

She nodded, flustered, not quite trusting her voice now. At least she had managed not to make a complete idiot of herself when Connor had called her pretty the day before. She wasn’t sure why she had told him anything about her family, much less why she had shown him a damn picture.

It was a strange sense of guilt, Lindsay thought. Because she knew so much about him when he knew so little about her. But also the fact that Connor would never have the memories of a childhood to build the foundation of his personality on. No matter how much Lindsay hated thinking of her own childhood, it had made her who she was now, as cliche as it was. She hadlearned how important it was to be kind, accepting. So when Connor had asked about her family, she had felt obligated to tell him. But she had known showing him the photo was a mistake the moment she had handed him her phone. Despite everything, his compliment had come as a surprise. At first Lindsay hadn’t known how to deal with her own embarrassment at someone so beautiful saying something nice to her but then Connor had been so awkward about it that she had forgotten all about her own discomfort.

 

‘Have you checked on your partner yet?’ Lindsay asked finally, remembering the pile of empty bottles in her lounge room the night before.

‘Not yet.’ Connor paused for a moment as his expression turned thoughtful. ‘I have been hoping that if he gets a generous amount of sleep, the aftermath of yesterday’s antics might not be as bad.’

Lindsay laughed. ‘Sounds about right,’ she said, shrugging. He had a good point. It was still early after all.

 Only now she realized that she was still standing in the doorway, unsure what to do in her own house, while Connor was sitting on the floor next to the case files, shorter than her for once. It was weird to say the least.

In an attempt to look somewhat casual, Lindsay leaned against the doorframe, arms crossing in front of her. She could only hope that her posture didn’t scream sudden embarrassment the same way her thoughts did. So much for not making a completely idiot of herself.

‘I’ve organized your files,’ Connor said eventually. ‘They are in chronological order now for ease of reading.’

Lindsay nodded. ‘Thank you.’

 

* * *

 

 

Connor wasn’t quite sure why the situation seemed so tense or why he felt so strange about his actions the previous night. The fact that he had turned off the TV and put a blanket on Lindsay when she had been asleep was only logical, actions to ensure she would get the best sleep possible. Sleep was extremely important for humans to function properly. So why did he feel like he had done the wrong thing?

Perhaps the feeling was based on how awkward Lindsay herself seemed to be, uncertainly lingering in the doorway in an almost bizarre reversal of their usual roles.

 

‘Maybe I should go check on Hank after all,’ Connor offered eventually.

‘Yeah, maybe,’ Lindsay agreed as neither one of them moved.

It was quiet for a few uncomfortable seconds.

‘Come on, then,’ Lindsay said finally and pushed away from the doorframe.

 

They walked down the hallway together. Once they arrived in the kitchen Lindsay turned around to face him, a finger on her lips, indicating for Connor to be quiet. He nodded in agreement.

Lindsay peered around the corner carefully even as Connor followed her, equally mindful of not making any noise. They both looked at the snoring human mess sprawled out across the sofa with the TV still blaring in the background, empty bottles littering the coffee table.

Lindsay shrugged and moved back around the relatively false safety of the corner before using her phone to turn down the volume of the TV. 

 

‘Looks like you’re gonna have fun today. He’s so going to be hungover and in a mood,’ she whispered then.

‘What kind of mood?’ Connor made sure to keep his voice equally low

‘What?’ Lindsay asked back in confusion. ‘It’s an expression.’

 _‘Oh_.’ Of course he knew what it meant, but it was hard to determine whether something was meant literally or figuratively sometimes.

 

Lindsay bit her bottom lip as she appeared to be thinking, eyes drifting back towards the corner of the lounge room. ‘I have an idea,’ she said then. ‘I’ll be back in a bit.’

Connor watched as she grabbed her coat from a chair at the dining room table before shrugging it on. ‘Are you going out?’

She nodded as she adjusted her collar. ‘I’m gonna get some food,’ she said while buttoning her coat. ‘You know, throw some grease at the problem.’

 

For a moment Connor was confused. Then he remembered their recent conversation. ‘I hope that’s another turn of phrase.’

The smile spread across her face slowly, lighting up her features. Connor wanted nothing more than to look away while also not wanting to miss a second of her happy expression.

‘I wasn’t literally going to throw grease at him,’ Lindsay said then. ‘It’s just too much of a mess and all that.’

It was obvious even to Connor that she was joking. ‘That’s funny,’ he told her. Then he thought back to the only other time he had been in a grocery store before. It had been an interesting experience, one he had been wanting to repeat ever since. ‘Can I come with you?’

Lindsay didn’t seem too surprised by his request. ‘Sure,’ she said, nodding.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I tried a whole new writing style at the end of this! it's called 'I have five minutes to finish this and upload it, let's slap a random sentence at the end of it and call it a chapter'

Outside, the world was still mostly covered in snow save for the few random parts of sidewalk that had been cleared. After the recent revolution, Detroit had lost 70% of its workforce and it showed. Where usually androids would have been working to keep the streets and sidewalks clear all night, they had been covered in snow quickly the day before. Even now Lindsay’s street was still hidden underneath a thick, almost undisturbed blanket of snow. Occasionally they saw people outside of their houses, shoveling the white substance from driveways and sidewalks, despite the fact that it was cold, by human standards at least. But the sky had cleared up, a brilliant blue now rather than the grey sludge of the day before, and the air was crisp and fresh.

Next to him Lindsay was silent and Connor found he didn’t feel the need to say anything either. The quietness was strangely comfortable, adding onto the peaceful atmosphere of the early morning. This part of the city had survived the recent events mostly unscathed, the relatively undamaged streets a stark contrast to what he was used to seeing in the city center.

He liked how traffic was less busy here, currently even nonexistent due to the conditions of the roads, how the houses weren’t clad in brightly flashing screens. There was less information to process and more room for his own thoughts.

It still felt strange to think of any thought as truly his own and maybe none of them were. And feelings were still as overwhelming as they had been at the start. It didn’t surprise him now that so many deviants had simply snapped.

Connor wondered how humans did it. Lindsay always seemed so calm and in control of her own feelings. Perhaps it was something that you had to be born with. But he found that curiosity got the better of him and so he chose to break the silence. ‘Can I ask you a personal question?’

‘Finally,’ Lindsay huffed. ‘I was worried you’d explode your processor before you’d finally decide to talk.’

‘Excuse me?’ Connor asked in confusion.

She laughed and looked over at him. ‘Your forehead creases when you think too hard. Good thing you’re not human or you’d get wrinkles there so fast.’

When she turned away again he moved his hand up to rub across his forehead, unsure if she was joking or not. It seemed like a far too human characteristic for him to have.

‘Are you going to ask or not?’ Lindsay questioned then.

 

For a second Connor was utterly confused and he had to trace the conversation back in his mind to remember what he had said. ‘I was just wondering how you deal with emotions? They seem overwhelming.’

‘That’s difficult to answer,’ she replied, shrugging. ‘It’s different for everyone and there’s no one right way.’

‘You always appear to be so calm and in control,’ Connor pointed out. ‘How do you do it, if you don’t mind me asking?’

 

‘Well, first of all I’m used to having feelings. I can’t imagine what it must be like for you.’ Lindsay stopped speaking for a moment, fingers trailing through the snow on a low brick fence. ‘But I guess you just have to... go through the motions. In the sense that what you’re feeling right now is only temporary and that it will pass. The good and the bad. I know it sounds terrible but I find that it helps me stay grounded, if that makes sense.’

Connor nodded slowly as he processed her answer.

 

‘Can I ask you a personal question for a change?’ Lindsay asked then.

He detected no signs of sarcasm or humor in her voice so he looked over at her to see her expression. It was rare that anyone took that kind of interest in him. But her expression was as sincere as her tone of voice had been.

 

‘Certainly.’

‘How are you holding up? And I’m not asking about your biocomponents or your software.’

Connor frowned and immediately wondered if that was the forehead thing Lindsay had been talking about earlier. ‘What else is there?’ he asked then.

‘We were just talking about it. Emotions.’ Lindsay sighed. ‘I’m trying to ask how you’re feeling.’

‘About what?’

‘About nothing in particular. It’s a more general question. Like...’ she drifted off for a moment, seemingly searching for an example. ‘Alright, let’s say how do you feel about 90% of the day? Is there any emotion that seems to be more prominent and reoccurring than others?’ Her voice had taken on the more professional tone she had often used when she had still been his handler.

‘I guess I’m... _confused_ ,’ Connor said, trying to sum up his emotional state.

‘Trust me, I can relate,’ Lindsay laughed. ‘How do you feel when you have nothing to do, let’s say at night when you’ve done all your work and you’re just waiting for a new day to start, so to say.’

 

He paused, thinking about the question. ‘I feel strange.’ Then he reconsidered his answer. ‘That’s not really an emotion, is it?’

‘Well, maybe not _technically_ but I think I know what you mean.’

‘Is there any particular reason for you to ask this?’ Connor questioned.

Lindsay sighed again and fiddled with her sleeves for a moment. ‘So, I have this theory,’ she began eventually. ‘You’re the first person I’m telling this to though so you have to let me know if it’s stupid. But in a nice way.’

 

His train of thought temporarily stalled at her use of the word person. The _first_ person. _You’re_ the first person. Connor was far more used to people still referring to him as tin can or whatever other inaccurate description they could come up with. But the word person had rolled off her tongue so easily, seemingly without thought.

‘Go ahead,‘ he said finally.

‘Alright. Emotional exhaustion in androids.’ The increase of Lindsay’s heart rate had little to do with the fact that they were currently walking, as Connor’s sensors revealed when he ran a quick scan. Instead, she was nervous.

‘Emotional exhaustion?’ he asked.

 

‘Yes. I know it sounds whacky but hear me out. When humans don’t have a proper outlet, or coping mechanism, for their feelings, they get sick or start developing behavioral anomalies. Usually we learn coping mechanisms from our peers, often in a family environment as children. Most bad - or even non-existent - coping strategies stem from a simple lack of learning an appropriate way to cope when young. Essentially, coping mechanisms are passed down, not in the sense of passing down physical traits through genes, but like a tradition is passed down. Now take beings that were quite literally designed to only follow instructions, make them sentient and give them emotions, effectively turning them into something completely new, without providing any kind of coping method. If humans, who have experienced emotions literally all their lives, have trouble dealing with them then how are sentient androids supposed to deal with feelings all of a sudden?’ Lindsay paused for a moment as they passed right by a middle-aged woman shoveling snow from her driveway.

Now,’ she continued once the woman was out of earshot, ‘I’m aware that psychological diseases in humans come from issues in the brain and can generally be traced down to chemical imbalances,something that obviously doesn’t affect androids. But feelings are really just chemicals as well, another thing that doesn’t affect androids and yet they... well, you, have feelings anyway. So what if there’s a possibility of mental illness in androids?’

 

Connor’s processor was firing up, rapidly comparing any kind of data available to him to the information Lindsay had provided, giving him what he could only describe as a headache. Simultaneously he tried to fight off what felt like an impending critical system failure at the idea that Lindsay had spent so much time thinking about the mental well-being of people that had been considered machines only weeks ago. And not only that, but she had chosen him to be the first person to tell about this obviously complex thought process and she essentially wanted to know his opinion.

 

‘Say something.’ Her voice cut through the noise in his head.

‘It’s an interesting theory,’ Connor told her honestly. ‘Do you have any data to support it?’

Immediately he thought the words might have been a mistake. Humans often disliked when he asked for data. But a quick glance at Lindsay revealed that she seemed to take no offense at the question.

‘No, not really,’ she said, shrugging. ‘But there isn’t a whole lot of data to go around in the first place. Either way, a lot of androids experienced severe mental distress before their acquisition of sentience, which is probably not a great start.’

‘That’s a reasonable argument, but given the complexity of the situation it’s not enough to develop a solid theory.’ Connor decided to stick with honesty as he had been asked for his opinion after all.

‘I know,’ Lindsay said, waving at a neighbor who promptly waved back. ‘It’s more of an idea, really. But when I did those two days of registrations, a lot of the androids I encountered seemed... well, exhausted.’

 

That, Connor could agree with. The original euphoria about their brand new world hadn’t lasted long, quickly replaced by the realization that nothing had truly changed and true freedom and equality were still almost out of reach.

But Connor didn’t know how to express all of that.

‘What brought on your interest in this topic?’ he asked instead. It was easier to speak about other people’s feelings than to talk about his own.

Lindsay shrugged. ‘There’s been a lot of talk about androids, it’s a topic hard to avoid.’ Then she pointed at a small building not far from them. ‘This is it, by the way.’

 

Their destination turned out to be a small corner store, only a single tired neon sign above the door announcing its presence. Connor stared up at the sign flashing in irregular intervals in fascination. It was nothing compared to the large, bright signs of the major grocery stores.

‘You coming?’ Lindsay called, already halfway in the door. Connor blinked, processor jumpstarting out of its previous amazement and back into action. ‘Yes, of course,’ he said as he caught up with Lindsay and entered the store.

 

Once inside, he didn’t know what to look at first. There were far more items than Connor would have ever expected, rows of shelves crowded with consumables and other necessities.

Lindsay, seemingly out of patience, left him to his own devices as she set out to find whatever items she had come here for.

On the other hand Connor didn’t make it very far, unable to stop himself from staring at a shelf lined with shiny, colorful bags. The tiny store was almost a stark contrast to the only other grocery shop he had ever been to. It wasn’t light and bright, fluorescent lights almost enough to compete with the sun, but instead it was small, almost cramped, and only dimly lit. In a sudden spark of almost courage Connor decided that he liked it.

 

Finally Lindsay reappeared, stopping next to him with a package of something in her hand. Patiently Connor waited for her to remark on his, by human standards, strange behavior. But she didn’t say anything and eventually Connor turned to look at her fully, only to find her watching him with a soft smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

‘What is it?’ he brought himself to ask.

It took a moment for Lindsay to look away but eventually she did, shaking her head slightly. ‘Nothing. Are you ready to go?’

 

He followed her to the single cash register, halfway expecting to hear _‘we don’t serve androids’_ when he discovered that the man behind the counter was human. For a brief moment Connor considered covering his LED but the man, his name tag read Pierce, seemed too busy to even notice the small spinning light when he greeted Lindsay.

They seemed to know one another, Pierce asking her where she worked now and Lindsay in turn asking about his boyfriend. While he waited, Connor ran a quick background check on the man but revealed nothing except his date of birth (07/07/2013, 10 months older than Lindsay) and no criminal record. Although Pierce seemed perfectly average, there was something about him that Connor didn’t like, even though he couldn’t quite work out what it was. What it most definitely wasn’t was how Lindsay laughed at a joke he made or how they chatted about each other’s lives so familiarly.

 

Once they left, after what Connor knew had been no time at all and yet felt like hours, Lindsay seemed to catch up on his sudden change in mood.

‘What’s wrong? she asked eventually.

‘What makes you believe something is wrong?’ Connor asked back almost defensively.

‘Well, for one your LED has been flashing yellow for the last five minutes and I know you’re not processing any data, so...’ Lindsay drifted off, shrugging.

‘You’re mistaken. I was downloading a report.’

 

‘You’re a filthy liar,’ she replied, sounding almost amused, ‘and a bad one at that. You didn’t have that look you get when you’re downloading something.’

‘Look?’ Connor questioned, surprised at the second reference in regards to his facial expression of the day.

‘Don’t try to change the topic! Is this because I didn’t introduce you to Pierce?’

 

Connor analyzed the situation for a second but couldn’t come to a conclusion as to why he had experienced a negative emotion. ‘Perhaps,’ he stated vaguely. ‘Why didn’t you?’

‘In case you haven’t noticed yet, my manners aren’t the best.’ Lindsay shrugged. ‘I’ll try harder next time.’

Her nodded, whatever bad feeling he had had almost gone already.

 

When they arrived back at Lindsay’s house Hank was awake, sitting upright on the edge of the sofa while rubbing at his head.

‘Good morning,’ Connor said politely.

The Lieutenant muttered something under his breath and it suspiciously sounded like _fuck off._

Connor looked over at Lindsay but she just shrugged. Then she passed him to deposit her newly purchased groceries on the kitchen bench.

‘Breakfast will be ready in 15 minutes, you should go shower.

 

‘I don’t want any fucking breakfast,’ Hank grumbled as he rose from the sofa, ‘or a god damn shower.’ He crossed the room and stopped on the other side of the island bench, across from Lindsay.

‘I bought bacon,’ she said, waving a package at him, ‘but suit yourself.’

At the word bacon the man’s tired eyes practically lit up but the expression faded as fast as it had appeared.

‘Where do I get a towel from?’ he asked after a moment of contemplation.

 

Lindsay gave a quick explanation and Connor watched the Lieutenant shuffle down the hallway just as she made a start on breakfast.

‘Is there anything I can do to help?’ the android asked eventually.

‘If you could get some plates out, that would be great.’

 

With some help from Lindsay, Connor managed to set the table, something he had never done before.

‘Is this adequate?’ he asked eventually, gesturing over to the piece of furniture now covered in an assortment of cutlery and food.

 

Lindsay glanced over quickly before returning her attention to the frying pan in front of her, making a non-committal noise in the back of her throat.

‘If there is any way I can improve...’ Connor began,unsure how to read the situation but willing to rectify any mistakes he might have potentially made.

Finally Lindsay turned to look at him fully, cautiously studying him for a moment. ‘You did well, Connor,’ she said then, ‘thank you.’

It was a simple compliment for a simple task and yet he somehow felt strangely satisfied, almost... proud?

 

Unfortunately breakfast turned out to not be quite as simple. The atmosphere was tense, to say the least. With Hank sitting across from Lindsay at the small table, there were only two seats left, both of them next to her due to the round nature of the piece of furniture. At first Connor thought this really wasn’t a problem, but he had quickly found out that there was even less distance between them at the table than there had been on her bed. Which, again, shouldn’t have been an issue because there was nothing inappropriate about the situation. And yet Connor felt what he could only describe as nervous, careful not to look at Lindsay directly as she was sipping a hot cup of coffee and picking on a piece of toast. Meanwhile Hank was devouring a greasy plate of bacon, topped off with a piece of bread practically slathered in butter. Of course Connor had tried to comment on the unhealthiness of the meal but had quickly been shut down. Lindsay had told him to let it go if he didn’t want to have a miserable day lugging a hungover and moody human around. And so for once Connor had kept his mouth shut.

 

‘Lieutenant,’ he began eventually, hoping to be able to relieve at least some of the tense atmosphere, ‘did you know that Lindsay was given old case files to check for deviancy?’

‘I did,’ Hank said before taking another sip of his coffee. ‘Actually I was the one who gave her the task. Fowler wanted us to do it but I convinced him that our fucking expert would do a much better job.’

 

Perhaps it hadn’t been the best topic to talk about, Connor concluded. But Lindsay didn’t seem to mind.

‘Thanks a lot,’ she said over the rim of her own coffee mug.

‘My fucking pleasure,’ Hank replied pleasantly, grinning.

‘At least Johnson got like half the files so he gets to do the same crappy job as me.’ Lindsay shrugged.

‘Johnson?’ Hank asked around a mouthful of bacon.

‘The guy from the meeting the other day,’ Lindsay replied absentmindedly as she typed something into her phone. Then she looked up, frowning. ‘Hey, wait a minute. I didn’t see you there.’

The man finished his chewing, swallowed. ‘That’s because I wasn’t there.’

 

Connor recalled how he had tried to get the Lieutenant to go to the very important meeting. He also recalled the excessive list of curse words that had followed his request.

 

‘Your name was on the list for the meeting,’ Lindsay pointed out. ‘What excuse did you use to get out of that one?’

‘The excuse of not fucking showing up.’ Hank practically grinned at her, the expression smug and self-satisfied.

Connor was amazed, thinking he had never seen the two of them exchange so many sentences without their only thinly-veiled dislike for one another showing.

‘Damn, I should have thought of that,’ Lindsay said. Then she picked up her cup of coffee, cautiously taking a sip of the hot beverage.

 

‘Mister Johnson is a behavioral analyst, like Lindsay, who will be assisting us in future investigations,’ Connor finally answered the original question, slightly bothered by the fact it had gone unanswered for so long.

‘Also Johnson is an absolute asshat,’ Lindsay specified his description of the man in a unique way. ‘Like, the kind of person you’d hire if you wanted to piss the rest of your employees off. Except I thought you guys already had Reed to fill the role as resident dipshit.’

 

Connor’s usual impulse would have been to tell her it was rude to use such words, especially at the dining table while having a meal with guests, but he found himself much too fascinated with the humor in her statement.

 

‘He sounds delightful,’ Hank finally replied, clearly amused as well.

‘Personally I don’t care for his company either,’ Connor said. Both humans blinked over at him in obvious surprise. ‘Of course I won’t let that affect my professional performance,’ he felt the need to add.

‘Wait, you don’t like him?’ Lindsay asked incredulously. ‘I mean, I get it with someone like Johnson. But what did he ever do to you?’

‘He very rudely interrupted our conversation,’ Connor pointed out, somehow feeling embarrassed by his reasoning.

 

The humans exchanged a look across the table, one that Connor couldn’t quite read.

Then Lindsay shrugged. ‘Fair enough,’ she said. ‘But trust me, that’s not the worst thing he’s ever going to do to you.’

‘I can’t wait to meet this guy,’ Hank stated and Connor thought he didn’t quite sound genuine.

‘You’ll get along like a house on fire,’ Lindsay laughed.

 

Finally needing to get to the station, they left not long after. They had a homicide to investigate after all.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took so much longer than I expected, mostly because I fell into the death-trap that is Castlevania, like the hyperfixating loser that I am.
> 
> Also we're going on a date next time!!! Fucking finally tbh. Bonus points for the next chapter being almost finished so it'll definitely be here next week. Look at me being this organized.

Connor, despite being an advanced prototype android specifically designed to adapt to human unpredictability, sometimes could not predict when someone’s mood was going to change. He wasn’t clairvoyant after all. So when he sat in the autonomous taxi that morning and Hank settled in across from him, Connor really didn’t expect to be in trouble of any kind. What he expected was an opportunity to discuss the homicide from the night before. Instead Hank glared at him as the doors of the taxi slid shut. The vehicle started to roll. 

 

‘Wanna tell me what the fuck is going on?’ Hank practically barked at him.

Connor looked over at the man, only to find him still staring back.

‘I’m not certain I understand what you’re talking about,’ he said slowly. 

‘I’m talking about you and the damn girl. You couldn’t even look at her during fucking breakfast.’ Hank stabbed the air in front of him with a finger as he spoke. ‘And anyway, where did you two go last night? You just disappeared.’

‘We talked in Lindsay’s office for a while and she showed me the case files she was given,’ Connor recalled the events from the night before. ‘Then we watched a movie in her bedroom.’

 

In front of him Hank’s face contorted for a moment before his mouth opened as if to speak but no words came out. After a few seconds of silence he snapped his mouth shut again with a click. ‘You fucking did what?’ 

‘We watched a movie together,’ the android repeated. ‘I believe it was called...’

‘I don’t care what the stupid movie was called,’ the man cut him off sharply. ‘I can’t believe you went in her god damn bedroom. What, you have the hots for her or something?’

‘ _The hots_?’ Connor questioned even as he looked up the term. ‘I believe you’re mistaken about Lindsay’s and my relationship. We’re friends, nothing more.’ 

‘Friends,’ Hank scoffed, spitting the word out as if it was poisonous. ‘Stay away from her, kid. She’s bad fucking news.’ 

‘While I appreciate your concern, Lieutenant, I think I can judge the situation far better.’ 

‘Because you’re some fancy robot?’ 

‘No,’ Connor replied. ignoring the incorrect term. ‘But because I know Lindsay better than you do.’

‘You... right, _whatever_.’ Hank shook his head. ‘Why’d you wanna be friends with someone like that anyway? I mean, she was your freaking handler. That’s like, a symbol of your oppression or some shit.’

 

Connor thought for a moment. Lindsay had always been nice to him. And even if he tried to see her as someone who had oppressed him, all Connor could think of was how she had fallen asleep next to him so peacefully. 

‘It wasn’t her fault,’ he said eventually. ‘Lindsay was forced to take the job.’ 

But while that was the end of the conversation, it had only brought up more issues for Connor to think about. He most definitely didn’t have _the hots_ for anyone. And yet there were the strange software instabilities that only seemed to occur around Lindsay and the way his sensors misfired whenever she touched him. 

Eventually Connor pushed his concerns aside. He was only a prototype after all, there most likely were all sorts of strange glitches in his software. Besides, he did have a homicide to investigate. 

 

 

Two hours and twelve minutes later Connor had to admit to himself that he had made no progress on the investigation whatsoever. He’d sat at his desk with the intention of going over the evidence and statements from the night before, evolving theories and finding a suspect. 

Instead he had just stared at the screen of his terminal, processor refusing to retain any information. Instead it supplied a nearly constant loop of the way Lindsay had smiled at him in the grocery store. It was... strange. And even worse, it was _distracting_. 

 

Eventually Connor decided that he needed to do something about this software malfunction, but none of the diagnostic scans he ran indicated that anything was wrong. Unable to locate the source of the issue he began doing some research. Despite being a prototype, Connor was quite certain that he wasn’t the only android suffering from a malfunction of this kind. 

But the results of his research were surprising. While there seemed to be no known glitches causing what Connor was experiencing, it appeared to be a common issue among humans. They called it a _crush._  

Which, honestly, seemed like a ridiculous idea. 

Connor didn’t have a crush... right?

 

And yet, all the symptoms fit. 

 

Further research showed that humans tended to go out on _dates_ with their _crushes._  

After looking into popular date locations and activities, Connor leaned back in his chair, more than just slightly overwhelmed. 

In the mostly abandoned police station, it was still Saturday after all, Connor thought it was safe to close his eyes for a moment and imagine what it would be like to go on a date. 

At the thought of spending time with Lindsay with such a specific intention, Connor’s systems seemed to slow to an almost-stop before suddenly jump-starting again all at once, working frantically to calculate all the possible results that such an action could bring.

 

There were more than enough negative scenarios, most of which ended in Lindsay never wanting to speak to him again. Connor couldn’t quite explain the intense feeling of loss that befell him at this possibility. 

But all these scenarios were practically cancelled out by the idea that the future might hold something for him that he hadn’t even considered a possibility so far. And so he began to form a plan, one that had nothing to do with the homicide the night before and was admittedly both more terrifying and more exciting than any case could ever be.

 

 

The rest of the day passed agonizingly slowly, the investigation not moving ahead at all even though Connor tried hard to focus on it. But it didn’t help. His processor had decided not to cooperate but even if it had Connor thought it would have made no difference. There simply weren’t enough leads to come up with theories, much less finding a plausible suspect. 

And yet when he finally left the precinct, at 6.12 pm when it was dark and cold again, Connor briefly considered going back, simply because his own plans almost scared him. But instead he kept going, deciding it would be easier with some distraction.

 

And so he pulled his coin from his pocket and flipped it up into the air, then caught it again easily. The motion was familiar and where it had previously only served as a calibration routine, ever since becoming deviant it seemed soothing, helping to sort his thoughts. These days there seemed to be too many of them, his processors unable to catch up. Although right now, they only seemed to revolve around the same issue. He had spent the entire day thinking about how every time he accidentally touched Lindsay, he felt like all his biocomponents were on fire. How every time she smiled at him he thought all his systems were about to fail. It sounded _unhealthy_ , to put it in human terms, and was most likely something that should be avoided. But he found he didn’t want to avoid it. In fact, he wanted more. 

 

Connor had carefully analyzed his interactions with Lindsay so far. She had clearly told him she liked him, but was that enough to agree to going on a date with him? Her heart rate did increase for no discernible reason sometimes, although he couldn’t be certain if this only happened when she was around him or if she perhaps suffered from a heart condition. Other than that, he had found it increasingly difficult to judge if her behavior indicated that she might reciprocate his crush. So he had decided it would be best to just ask.

 

But now it seemed to be easier said than done. 

Lindsay’s house seemed to be coming closer way too fast while simultaneously he couldn’t wait to see her, although it had only been nine hours and forty-one minutes since he had been there.

 

When Connor reached her front door he tugged his coin back into his pocket and straightened his tie before brushing back the unruly strand of hair that kept falling across his forehead. Then he knocked on the door. 

It took a few seconds before he detected motion behind the door, hearing Lindsay’s footsteps on the floorboards. ‘Who the fuck...’ she muttered while pulling the door open harder than necessary. He should have messaged her first. 

‘Connor?!’ she half-shrieked his name in surprise.

‘Hello.’

Lindsay looked a little dishevelled, her hair now much messier than it had been in the morning and the collar of her shirt slightly wrinkled. 

‘What are you doing here?’ She didn’t seem displeased at his sudden appearance, which Connor took as a good sign. Before he had the chance to reply Lindsay moved to the side, shoulder pushing the door open a little further. ‘Wow, where are my manners? Come in!’ 

‘Thanks,’ he said as he entered, then stood in her lounge room a little awkwardly, unsure what to do. 

‘So how was your day?’ Lindsay asked, arms crossing in front of her chest.

‘It was productive.’ It wasn’t exactly a lie. His day had been productive, just not in terms of work.

‘That’s good,’ she said, smiling. ‘Did you get the final report of that case from the other day?’ 

Connor quickly checked the servers again, looking for the report in question. ‘No, it appears I didn’t receive it.’ 

 

‘Really? See, I told you Johnson was useless. It came in this afternoon and I meant to text you to check if he’d sent it to you but I was busy and forgot.  Hold up, I’ll forward it.’ Lindsay grabbed her phone off the kitchen counter and only moments later the report arrived. He went to download it but she frowned at him. 

‘Don’t check it now, it’s Saturday night! You’re off duty.’  How she knew what he was doing was anyone’s guess.

‘I don’t require rest so it hardly matters if it’s Saturday night or not,’ Connor reminded her.

‘I know that, but remember what we talked about this morning? You need a break too, sometimes.’ 

 

He wasn’t sure why she cared about his wellbeing or why the fact that she did sent all his systems into a frenzy once again. 

‘Fine,’ he agreed eventually. ‘I’ll check the report tomorrow.’ 

‘Good boy,’ Lindsay laughed and winked at him. 

 

Connor was sure that if he was human, he’d be blushing by now. ‘I hope I’m not keeping you from doing anything important,’ he said then to cover up his embarrassment.

‘No, not at all. I was... working.’ 

‘Working?’ He questioned as felt the corner of his mouth quirk upwards. 

‘I know,’ she sighed. ‘ _I know_. Practice what you preach.’ 

 

There was a moment of silence as their eyes met. Lindsay smiled before turning away and he detected the subtle increase of her heart rate. It was all the encouragement Connor needed. 

‘Lindsay?’ 

She hummed in acknowledgement, pushing her phone around on the kitchen bench. His own hand reached into his pocket, searching for the cool metal of his coin. 

‘I came here to ask you something.’ He could have sworn his software was unstable, ready to crash at any moment. 

‘What is it?’ She abandoned her phone in favor of turning back around to face him. 

‘Would you like to go on a date with me some time?’ 

 

* * *

 

 

Lindsay blinked, her brain temporarily overwhelmed with the effort of not letting the surprise she felt show on her face while simultaneously trying to process his words. 

‘Excuse me?’ Maybe she had misheard. 

‘Would you like to go on a date with me some time?’ Connor repeated.

 

Nope. That still sounded like he was asking her out. Her face grew hot and she seemed to have lost her grasp on the English language completely. Then she noticed his hand tucked away in his pocket, the one with the coin. Clearly he was nervous as well. 

‘Just to clarify,’ Lindsay said slowly to gain more time to sort her thoughts, ‘we’re talking about the romantic kind, yes?’ 

‘I’m not aware of the existence of any other kind of date in this context.’ 

‘Just checking,’ she laughed, raising her hands in mock defence. After all you never knew with him. ‘I would very much like to go on a date with you,’ she finally replied to the original question, hoping she wasn’t blushing as much as she thought she might be.

‘Good,’ Connor said as though he had never expected a different answer. ‘I’ll let you choose a day and a time.’

Lindsay thought for a moment. While she wasn’t one to plan ahead she knew that Connor liked to be organized. ‘What’s today again? Saturday?’ He nodded. ‘Right, I have plans tomorrow night and a work dinner on Monday. So, Tuesday?’ 

That was only three days away. Did that make her look too eager? 

‘Yes, Tuesday.’ Then he flashed her that stupid lopsided smile. ‘ _It’s a date_ ,’ Connor said, seeming entirely too pleased with his understanding of human language. 

 

Lindsay shook her head at him. ‘That’s a terrible joke,’ she replied, unable to stop a smile from spreading across her own face. ‘If you don’t stop I’m going to have to pick a different date for our date. And then Tuesday won’t be a date anymore.’ 

There was a short moment of pause as Connor seemed to analyze her words. ‘And you tell me my jokes are terrible,’ he concluded.

‘I made mine worse on purpose so you wouldn’t feel bad.’ 

‘Of course,’ Connor said in a completely serious tone that told Lindsay he didn’t believe her in the slightest. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

‘Anyway, moving on from that,’ she said eventually, ‘can we sort out a time a little closer to the date?’ 

His head tilted to the side slightly, eyes searching her face for clues, analyzing her. Only then Lindsay realized what she had done. ‘I swear that one wasn’t intentional.’ 

‘I’ll believe you just this once.’ 


	8. Chapter 8

Tuesday seemed to come much too fast, days going by a lot faster than they normally would. Although Lindsay didn’t even know how that was possible, it was how she felt. And yet she was strangely nervous, barely able to sit still by lunch time and unable to focus on the work she was supposed to be doing. 

 

She had arranged a time with Connor the day before, although working out a place had been much more difficult. Eventually Lindsay had remembered a small tenpin bowling place she had been to with her friends a couple of times. They called it _retro_ , a kinder way of saying it was somewhat outdated, without all the electronic additions of the newer, more modern venues. But more importantly the place wasn’t very well-lit which would help shield them from prying eyes, hopefully letting them avoid the ever present taunts towards androids. Connor never seemed to mind but the insults made Lindsay’s blood boil. She had re-assured him that he could choose another place if he wasn’t comfortable with her suggestion but he didn’t seem to mind.

 

That afternoon, when Lindsay decided she had finally had enough and left her tiny office to go home, of course her superior appeared out of nowhere and immediately questioned her about leaving early. 

Lindsay shrugged, very vaguely mentioning she had plans. But that only made Gabriela ask more questions, attracting the attention of just about everyone else on their floor. Eventually Lindsay finally managed to slip away, elevator doors sliding shut behind her. She hadn’t told anyone she was going on a date, much less who she was going on a date with. There had been plenty of conversations whispered in hallways, joking exchanges during lunch at the cantina. The topic always seemed the same, even among those otherwise claiming to be supportive of the cause; there was no way their two species should start intermingling like that. 

 

It made Lindsay wonder if everyone had forgotten about the countless clubs around town. But apparently it was different now, with androids being actual people. People had understood the allure before; someone who would cater to your every need without complaining. With that stripped away, it seemed whatever form of acceptance there had been before was gone as well.

Lindsay felt like a traitor for not speaking up, guilty for not fighting for what she believed to be right. But she didn’t want anyone spoiling her excitement. And when she got home she found that there were other issues that required her full attention, like what the hell she was going to wear. 

 

For a moment she thought it didn’t matter because Connor had already seen her covered in the blood of his own people and had still decided to ask her out. Then she realised he had never seen her dressed up either. Although she couldn’t get too dressed up _because bowling_. 

 

By the time 6pm rolled around Lindsay was racing around the house trying to finally finish getting ready. Her plans of eating actual dinner before leaving went out the window and she settled for half a slice of bread straight from the freezer and an apple on her way out of the door, simply because she was starving. 

 

Lindsay caught the train into town, somewhat collapsing into a seat and grateful for a moment of rest to sort her thoughts. But as her stop came closer, she found it hard to suppress her anxiety. This whole thing was so unexpected that it felt almost surreal, like something that couldn’t possibly be happening. 

 

Worst of all, she knew it was inappropriate to even feel this way about Connor. She had been his handler, assigned to help him accomplish his mission. She had tried to be his friend, offering support in a confusing time. Now Lindsay felt she was somehow exploiting him, taking advantage of how inexperienced he was with such things. But Connor had been the one to ask her out. She had always tried to hide the way she felt about him because she didn’t want to put any ideas in his head. Had he caught on and only asked her out because he felt obliged to? Or did he not know that going on a date usually meant one was interested in insinuating a relationship with said person? 

No. Of course he knew. Connor would have done his research before ever asking her. 

 

The train came to a stop and so did her thoughts. Lindsay looked up and realised this was where she was meant to get out, scrambling to her feet to make it out on time. 

 

It wasn’t too cold outside but Lindsay still began too shiver and she was glad that the walk to the bowling place didn’t take very long. The weather had been somewhat temperamental and it hadn’t taken long for the snow from just a few days ago to melt. There were only a few spots of snow left, now mostly just disgusting grey piles due to the pollution in the city. They somewhat blended in with the damage to everything, which was still rather bad here. And yet people had been trying to get on with their everyday lives, moving past what had happened. 

 

As expected Connor was already there when she reached the small place, waiting for her. His hand was tucked into his pocket again and the sight of it soothed Lindsay’s anxiety a little. He was nervous, too. 

‘You’re on time,’ Connor said as she approached him.

‘What kind of greeting is that?’ Lindsay asked, attempting to sound somewhat stern but unable to remain quite serious. 

Connor didn’t seem fazed and for a moment Lindsay felt like an awkward school girl on her first date, standing next to him, too afraid to even touch him. Then she shook it off and moved in to hug him. They had done this before, after all. 

 

When they separated again she took a second to study him. It still gave her a start to see Connor out of his uniform jacket, no blue triangles in sight. But the removal of the symbol was a good sign, a sign of progress. And besides, his usual outfit didn’t differ much from his previous one. Even tonight Connor looked much the same as he did any other time. Which was ironic considering that Lindsay, too, had ended up somewhat looking like she was going to work instead of going on a date. The difference was that she was quite certain Connor still looked much better than her because he always did.

 

‘What is it?’ he asked eventually.

Lindsay blinked rapidly a few times before finally managing to tear her eyes away from him, only slightly embarrassed to have been caught staring. There were worse things.

‘Nothing,’ she said, shrugging. ‘You look nice.’ 

 

Connor’s expression turned a little smug and Lindsay thought she should have been annoyed at his recent increase in confidence. Instead she was feeling oddly... proud?

‘So do you,’ Connor replied finally, visibly working to force his expression back into a more neutral one.

 

‘Thanks,’ Lindsay made herself say before things had a chance to turn awkward. ‘Now let’s go in before I freeze to death out here.’ 

‘There is only a 15% chance of your temperature dropping enough to cause bodily damage if you were to stay out here for the next eight hours, provided the weather forecast is correct and you do not take your coat off,’ Connor explained slowly, almost as if he was talking to a child. 

 

Had it been anyone else, Lindsay would have been annoyed. But she knew that he didn’t mean anything by it.

‘That’s good to know,’ she replied instead. ‘I mean, I was planning on stripping and staying out here all night but I might just have to re-think that now.’ 

 

Connor tilted his head to the side as Lindsay fought to keep her smile in check. 

‘Why would you...’ he drifted off as his eyes scanned her face. ‘You were joking.’ 

‘I was,’ she confirmed, finally letting the corners of her lips curl up. ‘You’re getting good at this.’ 

 

‘It’s easier with you than it is with most other people,’ Connor told her as neither one of them moved to go inside.

Lindsay was starting to shiver from the cold but she didn’t want to be rude. ‘Why is that?’ she asked instead of complaining about the temperature again.

 

‘I’ve spent a significant amount of time with you so my imprint has been able to collect enough data to analyze you correctly on most occasions.’ 

‘So you’re saying you only know because your imprint is evolving?’ She didn’t know why the thought stung, a sharp ache spreading through her chest. Imprint had been specifically designed to help androids adjust to the humans they spent most time with, continuously analyzing and processing input data from human mannerisms. 

 

Lindsay supposed that with the recent developments, she had hoped that there was more than just a program reflecting her own personality. 

‘That’s partially correct,’ Connor said. ‘While imprint is able to provide helpful data, I often seem to be able to read your expressions without its support.’ 

 

Despite everything Lindsay couldn’t help the professional curiosity bubbling to the surface. ‘Interesting. Is it only me?’ 

‘It’s you and Lieutenant Anderson... I mean Hank.’ 

 

She smiled when Connor corrected himself, a clear sign that he was moving past old habits. 

‘What about everyone else?’ she asked then, fully aware that this was turning into more of a work conversation than a first date.

‘Most people still seem to pose a challenge, imprint or not. It’s difficult to read them correctly,’ Connor told her honestly.

 

Lindsay thought about it for a moment. She had always found it easy to read people and she could only imagine how difficult life might have been if it hadn’t been a skill she had acquired early on.

 

‘I’m sorry. Just give it time; you haven’t been around for very long so your imprint hasn’t had the chance to evolve completely. And eventually you’re going to learn how to read people without it.’ Lindsay tried to sound encouraging, hoping it didn’t turn into patronizing instead.

 If it did, Connor didn’t complain. ‘Do you really think so?’ 

‘Well, humans are born with a certain amount of instinctual knowledge but children still have a lot to learn. Why would it be any different for you?’ 

‘I suppose,’ he replied slowly and without sounding particularly convinced.

 

‘Anyway,’ Lindsay said then, ‘this is a terrible conversation topic for a first date.’ 

Finally she ushered Connor out of the cold and into the bowling place, then towards the counter where a female android was serving people. 

 

When it was their turn she remarked that Lindsay hadn’t been there in a while and they had a short conversation, both of them purposely avoiding mentioning recent events as the android booked their game. 

‘You’re all set,’ she said eventually. ‘Your lane is lucky number thirteen.’ 

Lindsay tapped her phone against the payment device to pay and only now she noticed that the android was wearing a name tag, which she had never done before. 

‘Enjoy your game,’ the android said, smiling brightly. 

‘Thank you, _Ally_.’ 

The android’s smile grew a little wider at the mention of her name and Lindsay thought it made her feel strangely content as she walked over to their lane, Connor in tow. 

 

‘That was nice of you,’ he said when they briefly stopped in front of the ball cage.

‘What was?’ Lindsay skimmed her fingers across the selection of bowling balls, trying to find the size she wanted. 

‘Calling Ally by her name,’ Connor clarified. ‘She seemed very pleased.’

‘Calling people by their name is just what you do,’ Lindsay said distractedly as she picked out a ball. Then she immediately felt bad for dismissing the small compliment. ‘I mean, things were weird at the start but it hasn’t been as hard to get used to everything as I thought it might be.’ 

 

‘You seem to be one of the few people who thinks so,’ Connor said, taking the ball Lindsay offered him without questioning. She had chosen a weight she thought appropriate for him, although it didn’t exactly matter because his strength was different to that of a human anyway. Then she picked up her own ball and carried it over to their lane. 

 

‘I don’t know, treating people like _people_ really shouldn’t be such a difficult thing.’ Lindsay shrugged. It was quiet for a moment. Then she reminded herself why they were here. ‘Anyway, we’re meant to be having fun.’ She took her coat off and carelessly dropped it on the seat behind her. ‘Do you wanna go first?’

 

Connor shook his head. ‘There was no program for me to download for this activity. I’m familiar with the concept but I would like to observe you to use you as a frame of reference.’

Of course he would.

‘Fine,’ Lindsay agreed, ‘but I’m telling you now I totally suck at this.’ 

‘Then why suggest we come here?’ Connor was visibly confused and she laughed. 

‘Because it’s fun. You don’t need to be good at something to have fun. Or download a program so you can master it straight away.’ 

 

The look on his face remained somewhat stunned and Lindsay sighed. ‘Doesn’t make sense?’ 

‘Not entirely. I don’t understand the point in playing if your objective isn’t to win.’ 

 

She remained silent for a moment, teeth worrying her bottom lip. He had been designed to accomplish a mission. Of course the concept of doing something for enjoyment was foreign to him. 

‘How about you make it your objective to manually learn a new skill?’ She hoped she didn’t sound like she was treating this as work. If she did, Connor seemed too busy to notice as his led briefly changed colours. Then he nodded. 

‘That makes sense.’ 

‘Good. Now let’s do this.’ 

 

Fully aware that he was watching her, Lindsay tried her hardest to make her shot as gracefully as possible. It was nowhere near perfect but several pins toppled over and she hadn’t accidentally catapulted herself down the lane along with her ball so she booked it as a success. Her next delivery was equally successful and she turned around, grinning at Connor. ‘Your turn.’ 

 

Of course he managed his shots much more gracefully than her, although equally successful. Or _unsuccessful_ , depending on one’s expectation. ‘That was really good for your first attempt!’ Lindsay told him enthusiastically.

‘It could have been worse.’ The dead-serious way Connor said it made her laugh and maybe it was just a trick of the light but she could have sworn his eyes lit up. 

 

It only took Connor two more frames to massively improve his shots and he ended up winning the first game. 

‘I knew you’d beat me,’ Lindsay shrugged in resignation.

‘I’m sorry.’ Connor said it so genuinely that she immediately felt bad and tried to wave off his concerns. 

‘Don’t be. I’m not a sore loser. And besides, we still have two more games to go so _best of three_? What are we playing for by the way?’ 

‘Playing for?’ his head tilted to the side. 

‘Well, there’s no point in winning if you don’t get anything, is there?’ She winked at him playfully. 

Connor seemed to think about it for a moment. ‘Loser has to sort out Hank’s next hangover.’

Lindsay tried not to grimace at the idea. ‘Isn’t he always hungover?’ she asked instead.

‘His next _bad_ hangover,’ Connor corrected himself.

‘Fine,’ she laughed. ‘I regret agreeing to this already.’ 

The man had seemed to be warming up to her for an extremely brief period of time. But then she had seen him at work the day before and he had begun treating her like she was the source of all evil again. There was really no point worrying about it though. 

Or at least there hadn’t been before Lindsay had decided to play for something. Luckily she won the next game, although she suspected Connor let her win, especially when his last shot ended up in the gutter. He turned around to her and shrugged. ‘Software instability, I must have miscalculated.’ 

‘Yeah, right,’ Lindsay said, not believing him for a second.

 

Of course Connor won the third game and Lindsay sighed dramatically as she accepted her fate. ‘I can’t believe this is happening.’ 

‘You brought this on yourself,’ Connor pointed out helpfully.

‘I know,’ Lindsay huffed as they left, waving at Ally who was still working behind the counter. The android waved back, a small look of surprise on her face. 

 

When they stepped outside Lindsay automatically looked up at the sky, mentally preparing herself for rain. Or even worse; _snow_.

 But for once the sky was clear, the stars only just visible behind the constant glow of the city lights. 

 

‘There is only a five percent chance of rain in the next four-point-five hours, according to the most recent data collected by the bureau of meteorology,’ Connor said, apparently guessing her thoughts.

‘Five percent? I think I might risk walking home then.’

‘I’ll accompany you.’ 

 

Lindsay wondered if he was worried she’d get murdered on the way home or if he just wanted to spend more time with her.

‘I can look after myself,’ she pointed out.

‘I know.’ Not worried, then. ‘So what do you usually do on a Tuesday night?’

 

‘Not much, really,’ she shrugged. It was a somewhat dreaded question. ‘Actually I don’t do a whole lot outside of work.’ 

‘There are multiple studies that prove that a fulfilling social life is important for humans.’ 

Lindsay laughed at how concerned for her social life Connor sounded. ‘I’ll keep that in mind. What have you been doing when you’re not at work?’

‘I have...’ he seemed to search for the right word, ‘I have been bored, I suppose.’

 

That seemed a little concerning. After all he practically lived in a tower full of androids. There should be plenty of ways to keep himself entertained. 

‘What’s it like at the tower? How does everyone like it?’ Lindsay tried to sound casual, so she wouldn’t come across as if she was trying to pry.

‘I’m not sure. I hardly talk to anyone.’

‘Why is that?’

‘It appears they don’t like me very much due to what I am.’

Right. The deviant hunter thing. Not exactly a recipe for popularity, even though in the end he had helped resolve the revolution.

‘I’m sorry. Just give it time, they’ll come around eventually.’ She felt like it was terrible advice because it provided no immediate help whatsoever, but at least she thought it was the truth.

 

Connor nodded. ‘How are you liking your new job?’ 

‘It’s been challenging.’ Lindsay shrugged. ‘I guess most of the people working there are former CyberLife so they all see me as a traitor.’ 

The newly founded division of the department of science had felt an awful lot like a new version of CyberLife. Except that it was massively underfunded, not only because of its novelty, with a severe lack of equipment. Everyone knew that Connor had been assigned to her. And the fact that he had literally been on TV as a leader of the revolution hadn’t exactly made people like her any more. 

‘They will come around, too,’ Connor echoed her words back to her. 

 _Still terrible advice_ , Lindsay thought but didn’t say it.

 

They walked in silence for a little while and Lindsay tried not to think of her stupid job as she pulled the collar of her coat up high. It might have not been raining but she was still cold. Michigan wasn’t California.

 

‘The android at the bowling alley said you hadn’t been there in a while,’ Connor spoke up suddenly, ‘do you go there often?’ 

‘Not really, I’ve only been there a couple of times before. It’s a good place to go for something different, I guess. Usually my friends and me just get coffee or whatever so that gets a bit boring sometimes.’ 

‘If you find it boring, why go and do it?’ Connor sounded genuinely confused and Lindsay bit back a laugh.

‘Well, when we meet up we usually want to talk and that’s always a bit hard to do when you’re bowling or something at the same time. So I guess getting coffee is just convenient.’ 

Connor nodded slowly and Lindsay didn’t need to see his LED to know he was trying to process the information.

 

* * *

 

If Lindsay minded his line of questioning, she didn’t let it show. Connor found himself fascinated with the concept of friends, meeting people just to talk. How people were able to truly talk about themselves, provide information unprompted and yet still formed a conversation interesting for multiple parties was beyond him.

 

‘Oh my god, you know what we should do some day?’ Lindsay asked suddenly.  ‘Go play laser tag.’ 

‘Laser tag?’ Connor asked while his processor already fired up to do a quick bit of research, supplying images of people with fancy-looking VR gear.

‘There’s this place that does like the old-fashioned variety where you actually shoot people, not the weird virtual one. You’ll totally kick everyone’s ass and it’ll be hilarious.’

 

Connor perked up at that and stopped his research. ‘You... actually shoot people?’ 

‘Yeah and... _Wait_ , no. _No_. You don’t actually shoot people. Well, you do but not with like, bullets and stuff.’

‘So you shoot people but you also don’t?’ He focused all his processing capability on the issue at hand, completely abandoning his research.

‘You do shoot people. But with a laser.’ 

Connor couldn’t quite hide his concern. ‘That’s not much better.’ 

‘No, I don’t...’ Lindsay began to laugh. ‘Okay. Let me finish. People shoot you with an infra-red beam, which is registered by an infra-red sensitive target that you wear. So, you shoot people but not in the sense of like, trying to injure them.’ 

‘That seems a lot safer. I’m sorry, I just found that... confusing.’ 

‘It’s my fault, really. I should have explained myself a lot better. I’m sorry.’

 

Connor looked over at her to see if she was joking, but she seemed serious. It felt strange to have her apologize so casually, but he didn’t want Lindsay to know that. 

‘For a moment I was very concerned about your choice of entertainment,’ he said instead.

‘Yeah, I think talking about shooting people isn’t really suitable for a first date. You should at least wait until the third date for that.’ 

The pitch of her voice made Connor believe she was joking. Luckily he had looked up what people usually did on dates and there seemed to be an assortment of rules dictating which activities were appropriate based on the amount of dates one had been on with a person. It seemed to be what Lindsay’s joke was referring to. 

‘This has been an unusual first date so I suppose we can let your faux-pas slide.’ 

‘How nice of you.’ 

 

 

For a moment Connor focused on how well he had recovered from his little misunderstanding. He had even managed to turn the conversation back around into something well-flowing and amusing. It hadn’t been too difficult.

 

‘So,’ Lindsay said eventually, ‘laser tag?’

‘You remember that I’m an android, yes?’ Connor asked back.

‘What?’ she blinked at him in confusion. 

‘I’m an android,’ he repeated. ‘We generally aren’t welcome in such establishments. I was quite surprised that there were no issues tonight.’

 

‘I would never take you anywhere that would cause _issues_. I’ve been to the laser tag place before, the lady that works nights there knows I worked for CyberLife and she always seemed really interested in my job. She’s probably just going to be excited to have an android there. And besides, they won’t know unless we tell them.’ 

 

Connor pointed at the led flashing at his temple. ‘I have a feeling this might give it away.’ 

‘Oh, yeah. Well, we could always cover it up,’ she shrugged. Then she turned serious. ‘Can I ask you something?’ 

‘Certainly.’ 

‘You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I’ll completely understand.’ 

He nodded and it took Lindsay a moment to continue. ‘Why haven’t you taken it out? Your led, I mean. Most others seem to have gotten rid of theirs and it might make your life a lot easier.’ 

 

Connor was almost surprised at the lack of instructions in her words. Everyone else seemed to constantly tell him what to do but all he sensed in her question was curiosity. But still he had no answer. 

‘I honestly don’t know. I guess I haven’t felt like it yet.’ He wasn’t even sure what he meant himself but Lindsay nodded.

‘That makes sense. I mean, it must be a pretty big deal and you shouldn’t do anything you don’t feel ready for.’ 

 

‘Do you think I should take it out?’ 

‘ _Me_? I don’t know and I’m probably not qualified to give you advice on that. Maybe you should ask someone who has taken theirs out.’ 

‘It would certainly make me look more... human,’ Connor stated carefully. This was potentially dangerous territory.

‘Is that something you want? To look human?’ 

He searched for some sort of judgement in Lindsay’s tone or expression but couldn’t find any. ‘I’m not sure,’ Connor admitted honestly.

 

Her elbow playfully bumped into his. ‘If it helps, I like you either way, with or without led.’ 

‘Thank you.’ Then he hesitated for a moment. ‘I like you, too.’ 

From the corner of his eye he saw her smile. It was all the encouragement he needed. ‘We should do this again some time.’ 

‘Talk about your led?’

 

He suspected she was playing dumb on purpose. Lindsay was clever enough to know what he meant, which lead to the conclusion she just wanted to hear him say it out loud. 

‘No, we should go on another date some time.’ 

 

Connor detected a soft blush on her cheeks that had nothing to do with the cold air.

‘I’d like that.’

‘Well, let me know when you’re available.’ 

‘We’ve already established that I don’t really do much outside of work so... any time, I guess.’ 

Connor thought about it for a moment. ‘Friday night,’ he said eventually. ‘That’s what people do, isn’t it? Go out on Friday nights?’ 

‘Yeah,’ Lindsay laughed. ‘Friday sounds good.’

 

This was going well. Better than he had expected. All of Connor’s concerns about every part of this seemed to have been entirely invalid. But he didn’t have any more time to think about it when they arrived at Lindsay’s house far too quickly, stopping in front of her door. 

‘Did you want me to drive you home or something?’ Lindsay asked, turning to face him. ‘It’s not exactly safe out there.’ 

‘That won’t be necessary, but thank you.’ Connor was perfectly capable of looking after himself, although he found he appreciated the concern.

 

‘Fine,’ she sighed. ‘Will you at least text me when you get home?’ 

‘I can text you before I arrive, if you like.’ 

Her forehead creased in confusion. ‘What purpose does that serve?’

‘You said you wanted me to text you,’ Connor reminder her, slightly confused.

‘To know that you got home safely. So if you text me before you arrive...’ Lindsay drifted off, looking at him expectantly.

‘Can I do both?’ 

‘Sure.’ 

 

Connor noted how she was still shivering slightly. 

‘I’ll let you go inside,’ he said, not wanting her to catch a cold. 

‘Yeah, it’s getting a bit cold,’ Lindsay confirmed his suspicions. ‘Thank you for tonight, I had a great time.’

There was a warning flashing in Connor’s vision, something about his thirium pump regulator malfunctioning, but he decided to ignore it. ‘I had a good time, too,’ he said instead. ‘Thank you.’ 

 

He tried to access the parts of his research that held information about what to do at the end of a date, but quickly found that all his memory drive supplied was an error warning. So Connor decided to end this date the way it had started; with a hug. He stepped a little closer, trying to reciprocate the gesture he had seen humans use with his arms. 

 

Fortunately Lindsay seemed to understand and easily hugged him back. 

She smiled at him when they separated. ‘Goodnight, Connor.’

‘Goodnight, Lindsay.’


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is 6600 words long and I was up until 2am last night just to finish writing it, then spent like an hour editing today. Also I'm halfway through the next chapter and I think we're gonna get to the Christmas fluff next week. Plus I've kinda started writing a second part of Habits (bc I love Lindsay's friends and also dogs), which I may or may not post. I am dying.
> 
> Fun fact: the song playing in the car is 'Jupiter' by James McAlister, which is also what the arcade is named after. Just because I love it and it's one of my favourite songs to drive to in the dark.

The parking lot behind the small building was strangely deserted, especially for a Friday night, only a few cars scattered in odd places with their owners nowhere in sight. Vibrant neon signs that illuminated the front of the building left the scene untouched, adding to the almost eerily silent atmosphere. It was somewhat peaceful, Connor thought, and nearly out of place considering this was so close to the city center, which he could only barely see above the roofs of the buildings framing the parking lot. Then again it was perhaps a strange time of day to be here. Just past 6pm, too late for the children coming here for a few hours of entertainment after school, but too early for adults trying to enjoy a Friday night out. 

 

Apparently all adults except Lindsay, who had insisted on this particular time of day. Despite that she was late now, if only by 7 minutes. But as it turned out Connor didn’t need to wait much longer when his audio receptors picked up the distinct noise of a car, too loud to be a well-maintained, modern vehicle but not anywhere near as loud as Hank’s car. He watched as a pair of headlights illuminated the previously peaceful scene, the black Chevrolet they belonged to parking next to another car.

 

Then Connor crossed the parking lot, coming to a stop next to the vehicle just as Lindsay practically tumbled out of the driver’s side door. 

‘I am so sorry,’ she huffed before Connor had the chance to say anything. ‘First my phone died this afternoon, like the piece of junk it is, then I was stuck at work until twenty minutes ago and then I hit literally every single red light on the way here.’ 

‘It’s fine,’ Connor said, trying not to focus on how flushed Lindsay was or how the top button of her shirt had come undone. ‘You’re only eight minutes late.’

‘Eight minutes?’ she repeated. ‘Again, I’m really sorry. It’s been a crazy day.’ 

‘It’s alright, really,’ Connor told her firmly. ‘You must be exhausted. If you like we could do this another time.’ 

‘What? No.’ Lindsay shook her head. ‘No, I’ve been looking forward to _shooting_ people all day.’

 

 When they entered the building, neon lights tinting both their skins a variety of colours, Connor quickly found out that Lindsay had been right about the place. The young woman behind the counter, her name tag identified her as Avery, didn’t seem to mind that he wasn’t human and instead tried hard not to stare at the android in only barely-veiled excitement, instead keeping her head down and her eyes focused on the terminal in front of her. But the slight squeal in her voice and the dark colour rising high in her cheeks still gave her away. 

 

They were quickly outfitted with vests that reminded Connor of the bulletproof one the police had provided him with, although this one was much lighter. Their newly acquired outfit also came with an infra-red gun, painted with bright colours and a sticker attached to the bottom that read property of _Jupiter Arcade_. 

 

As expected the place was somewhat quiet, only the parents belonging to a child’s birthday party crowding the center of the venue. And yet there was a slight delay as the children were being instructed on the rules of the game. 

Lindsay watched the group for a moment, eight children wriggling and giggling at Avery’s explanation. Then she turned back to Connor.

‘Listen, just... take it easy, alright?’ 

‘Take it easy?’ 

‘You know, don’t go all military on them.’ 

Connor couldn’t detect any sarcasm in her words, which didn’t help clear up his confusion in the slightest. ‘But we are trying to win, aren’t we?’ 

‘Yeah, but like _normal_ people. We don’t need to advertise that you have... special skills.’ 

 

Connor wasn’t entirely sure what _taking it easy_ entailed, but he agreed anyway. 

Their first game went well and they won easily, even though the opposing team of seven to eleven year old children outnumbered them four to one.

Lindsay had agreed to play against them because the children had apparently been unable to split into two different groups because they couldn’t agree on who wanted to team up together. 

Connor didn’t understand any part of the process. Why come here if they didn’t want to play against one another? And why then choose to play against two adults instead? Of course he and Lindsay were going to win. 

 

Then again the children had screeched in delight at every turn, even when they were being shot. Lindsay had made it look as though they had a chance and had even exchanged over-confident remarks with them. At the end of the game the kids seemed exhausted but happy, wild hair clinging to bright red faces as they excitedly told their parents about the match. 

 

‘Well, that was a nice bit of warm up,’ Lindsay said, pushing a few loose strands of hair out of her face. ‘Think we can take those guys?’

She discreetly gestured over to a group of men currently being served at the counter. They still outnumbered Lindsay and Connor, although not as badly as the kids had. 

 

‘We make a good team so I think we have a fair chance at winning,’ Connor answered truthfully. 

But when the men were gearing up two minutes later, he felt like he was missing something. Avery had given Lindsay a far too pleased smile when she had announced that the four men would be facing only two other players.

The situation only became more uncomfortable when one of the men looked down at Lindsay, an almost mocking expression on his face, telling her he would go easy on such a pretty girl. 

 

A quick scan revealed that he was more than twenty years older than Lindsay, almost the same age as her father. For a brief moment Connor considered intervening but then Lindsay smiled at the man, bright and beautiful, before telling him to fuck off. 

He spluttered at that, clearly surprised, but didn’t say anything. 

The rest of his group didn’t complain either when Lindsay told them she wanted to play _elimination_ , every player only receiving two lives. But when she also told them to play with no shields, the men did finally exchange a strange look that Connor couldn’t quite interpret, yet agreed to her terms anyway.

 

‘Double tag them,’ she told him happily as they moved away from the group, allowed to enter the arena first as they were in the disadvantage.

As much as Connor trusted her skills, which she most definitely had as their first game had proven, he also knew that his own were far better. And so he guided Lindsay into a dark corner to help shield them from view as their opposing team entered. It would be much easier to calculate which actions would induce a win if Connor could assess their strategy first.

 

The men spread out quickly, seemingly not worried about separating, but kept on chatting to one another, which made it almost too easy for Connor to keep track of their exact locations. 

Meanwhile he and Lindsay were still wedged into a dark corner where the edge of a very tall crate met a wall. Their opponents hadn’t come close to them yet and even if they had, Connor thought they were unlikely to actually make out the two human shapes in the extremely low light. To enhance their chances of not being seen, he had even temporarily deactivated his led, reasoning that the small light was too much of a risk.

The major drawback to their hiding spot was the very limited amount of space and Connor found himself so close to Lindsay he could practically feel her breathe, which he tried hard to ignore.

 

‘What’s our strategy?’ she whispered eventually.

‘Keep them separated and take them out one by one,’ he whispered back.

And so they waited patiently for the perfect opportunity, which presented itself not long after in the form of one of the men walking by on the other side of the wall. Connor could feel Lindsay hold her breath.

‘Where the fuck are they?’ their opponent called out to his friends.

‘Fuck, I don’t know,’ someone yelled back. ‘Are they even in here?’ 

 

The rest of the group was at the other end of the arena, the single man cutting off their access to the area, and Connor thought it safe to finally get their plan started. 

‘Now,’ he whispered. They both began to move, out of their hiding spot and along the wall into a slightly lighter area. Then they rounded the corner and before the man even knew what was happening Connor shot him twice. The small light on the side of his vest turned from green to red.

He flinched, eyes wide and the hand that held his gun twitching. 

 

With the human-shaped obstacle out of the way, Connor and Lindsay could easily access the area currently occupied by their three remaining opponents. 

‘They’re over here,’ their previous target shouted rather unhelpfully, considering his team mates weren’t aware of his location.

 

Connor could hear all three men move, presumably trying to follow their eliminated team mate’s voice even though they all failed miserably, only managing to head towards one another. 

Which was something that Connor wanted to avoid, considering their plan was to keep the men separated, so he sped up to try and reach them before they reached one another. 

Of course this only resulted in him somehow losing Lindsay. 

_Damn it._

Connor turned up his audio receptors in hopes of picking up any clues as to where she had gone but as opposed to the men, Lindsay was actually quiet. And so Connor ended up pushing forward without her. 

She would be fine by herself. Probably.

 

Tracking down the opposing team was easy. They moved loudly, clumsily, with no regard for strategy. And yet they somehow managed to meet up before Connor could single them out, his own quest to stay quiet significantly slowing his progress. 

 

When he finally caught up with them, he was faced with the exact situation he had been trying so hard to avoid. The three remaining players were crowded together in a rather open space, facing Connor. They seemed as surprised at his sudden appearance as he was at finding them this quickly. Any other time he would have been able to easily take them out but his processor was replaying Lindsay’s instructions. 

_‘Don’t go all military on them.’_

Right. They were trying to win like _normal_ people. 

 

It only took Connor a split second to decide that a strategical retreat would be the best course of action but then he caught movement somewhere behind the men. At the same time they snapped out of their surprised daze. One of the men whipped around, having felt the presence of someone behind them, just as the others raised their guns. 

Connor shoot them without hesitation. 

Before the third man even had the chance to become a threat, the light on his vest turned red as well. 

 

There was a moment of stunned silence which Connor used to slip away. Something told him there might be trouble if he stayed around and he thought his instincts were right when heard his previous opponents begin to swear somewhere behind him. 

 

Just as he was nearing the exit Lindsay finally caught up with him again. 

‘Where did you go?’ he asked her, not bothering to point out the obvious fact that they had won. 

‘Where did _you_ go?’ Lindsay asked right back, incredulously. ‘One minute you were in front of me, the next you were just gone.’

Now Connor did feel a little bad. Perhaps he really had been too fast. 

‘I’m sorry,’ he said softly just as they exited the arena. 

Lindsay only shrugged. ‘It worked out alright. I mean, I have no idea how I ended up behind them but I’m not going to complain.’ 

 

Before Connor got to reply, the girl behind the counter came into view, already gesturing at them excitedly.

‘Looks like you won twice in a row,’ Avery called out, seeming far too pleased at that fact even while Connor could hear his former opponents complaining in the background.

‘Yeah, looks like it.’ Lindsay beamed at her, looking entirely too proud of herself.

 

‘Wait,’ Avery said then, frowning down at the screen of her terminal. ‘That was the fastest round of elimination we’ve had in forever and neither one of you even got tagged. Congratulations, you’ve officially taken out the high score!’ She began searching for something behind the counter, distractedly muttering to herself under her breath. Eventually she pulled a large cardboard box out from somewhere.

 ‘Here we go! You get this awesome crown.’ The woman pulled a ridiculous golden plastic crown, complete with colourful plastic diamonds, from the box before stretching up and placing it on Connor’s head. ‘And you get this beautiful tiara. I’d totally give you a crown but that was our last one.’ She pulled the tiara from the same box but didn’t have to stretch to place it on Lindsay’s head. 

‘Oh my god, I get a tiara? That’s like... _the dream_.’ Connor watched as they both laughed before Avery went through a whole list of free items they would receive for taking out the high score, all of them somehow food related. Then she pushed a plastic cup filled with semi-frozen soda across the counter and told Lindsay she would bring her _the usual_ in a minute, whatever that meant. 

 

Connor tagged along only mildly confused as Lindsay walked across the venue with her head held high so her tiara wouldn’t fall. Several parents, specifically those of the children they had beaten, glared at the two of them. But Lindsay seemed to be completely oblivious to any strange looks they got. She chose a booth in the corner of the venue, away from prying eyes. It was designed to fit at least six people and left Connor to wonder where exactly he should sit. He didn’t want to sit inappropriately close to Lindsay.

The problem was solved when she sat in the center of one bench, tapping a spot on the table across from her. He sat down in the indicated area and Lindsay smiled over at him. Her cheeks were still flushed and her hair was even messier now than when she had arrived.

 

‘So, how did you like laser tag?’ she asked as she carefully adjusted her tiara.

‘It was good.’ Connor thought for a moment. ‘I liked winning.’ 

‘Well, who doesn’t?’ Lindsay laughed and he had to look away, feeling a strange pressure build in his chest. But when he looked down Connor spotted a patch of darkened skin on Lindsay’s left hand. A fresh bruise, his analyses informed him. Without thinking he reached out and grabbed the appendage to get a better look. 

 

‘You’re injured,’ Connor informed her as he slightly turned her hand to check for any other damage. 

‘It’s just a bruise.’ 

This time even Connor could feel his forehead crease. He flexed her hand back a little to ensure she had no hidden injuries.

‘Does this hurt?’ he asked then. 

‘No.’ Lindsay pulled her hand back easily before catching his fingers with hers. ‘I told you it’s just a bruise.’ 

Their fingers interlaced, palms pressed together in the center of the table.

Connor had never held anyone’s hand before and Lindsay’s skin was warm against his, exactly 33.2°C, temperature still slightly elevated from exertion. 

 

‘Thank you for coming with me tonight,’ Lindsay said then, softly. ‘I had a great time _shooting_ people.’

‘I did, too. Thank you for inviting me.’ 

The smile crept back on her face and Connor wanted to both stare at her and avert his eyes. None of his systems seemed to function quite right every time he was near her. Even now his processor was working in overdrive and Connor still found himself without anything to say. Not that the silence was uncomfortable. But he didn’t want her to get bored and maybe not want to go out with him again. But he didn’t get a chance to over-analyze the situation any further when Avery came and set a bowl of fries on the table. Lindsay thanked her and they both watched her walk away. Then Lindsay’s attention shifted to the food in front of her before she looked back up at him.

‘Would it bother you if I actually ate these?’ she asked to Connor’s surprise, as if he would mind her needing to stay nourished.

‘No, not at all.’ 

 

Her palm disconnected from his and he almost reflexively curled his fingers around her hand a little tighter. 

‘I’m going to need that to eat,’ Lindsay said as she pointedly looked down at her hand. 

‘Why?’ Connor asked immediately. ‘You’re right handed and this is hardly the kind of dish you eat with a knife and a fork.’ 

Lindsay laughed and the warm, almost fuzzy feeling in his chest reminded him of the way he felt when he solved a case. Pride, his system informed him.

He watched as she picked up a fry and thoughtfully took a bite. 

‘You’re a good shot,’ Connor said then.

She hummed around her food, then swallowed. ‘What did you expect? You know I have a gun, right?’

 

A Glock 21 was registered in her name. 

She also had a concealed pistol license, issued in April 2035. 

 

‘I do,’ Connor confirmed. ‘I just didn’t expect you to be able to shoot particularly well.’ 

‘What would be the point in having a gun, then?’ 

‘I’m not certain why you have a gun either way.’ 

He was worried he might have offended her for a moment but Lindsay just shrugged. 

‘I grew up around guns. Guess it felt weird not to have one around after I left home.’

Connor nodded slowly as he processed that information. ‘That makes sense,’ he concluded eventually.

‘Now, let’s not talk about guns anymore. That’s a weird topic for a date.’

‘What do you normally talk about during dates?’

 Of course Connor had done his research and he knew what other people talked about during dates. But unfortunately he would have had very little to contribute to a conversation of that kind. After all his life experience was very limited, as was his experience with dating. 

Lindsay tore a fry apart, popping half of it into her mouth.

‘It depends, really. Usually it’s all about getting to know one another but I guess you already know everything there is to know about me.’

‘I suppose this is a rather unconventional date. Would you prefer a more traditional approach?’ 

 

Lindsay shrugged. ‘I don’t mind. To be honest I hate the usual stuff like going out for dinner. People are always trying to be cute and share food which is the worst. Seriously, I just want my food to myself.’

He watched her closely, noting the animated way she talked. It was fascinating. ‘If I promise I won’t take your food, will you go out for dinner with me next week?’ 

Lindsay looked him up and down with a serious expression. ‘I’m not sure if I can trust you when it comes to food.’ 

‘You know that I don’t...’ Connor cut himself off when a smile spread across her face. 

‘I was joking. Of course I’ll go out for dinner with you.’ 

‘Monday night?’ 

‘Sure.’ She paused and suddenly grimaced. ‘We have that meeting on Monday. That’s going to be so weird.’ 

 

They hadn’t seen each other at work since Connor had first asked her out. Admittedly he hadn’t considered how their personal situation might affect their work relationship. 

‘Perhaps we shouldn’t mention any of this at work for now. It might be easier that way.’ 

Lindsay shrugged. ‘You’re probably right.’

‘I am. Now, Monday night at 6.30pm. I’ll pick a place.’ 

‘You don’t even eat,’ she said around a large curly fry, ‘shouldn’t I be picking a place?’ 

‘It was you who chose the last two locations so it’s only fair if I get to choose this time,’ Connor asserted. Admittedly, any other time he wouldn’t have minded letting Lindsay pick, especially because she was the one who would actually have to eat the food, but he was starting to wonder if the role he was taking on was perhaps a little too passive. And besides, he wanted to show off his knowledge of which particular restaurant Lindsay preferred. 

 

‘Fine, you choose,’ she said eventually, resigning to her fate as she took a sip of her drink. ‘Oh, before I forget; did you get invited to Sarah’s wedding?’ 

Sarah was Officer Paulson from the DPD, one of the people working as part of the android crimes unit. 

‘I did,’ Connor said, having received the invitation the day before. It had been quite formal, printed on thick, expensive paper. ‘I heard you’ve been invited as well.’

‘Yeah, but I’ve only talked to her a couple of times, I really don’t know why she invited me.’ Lindsay used her straw to stab at the remaining drink in her cup.

 

‘She asked me about you when she gave me the invitation to her wedding. Her tone indicated that she is very fond of you and would like to be friends.’

‘Friends?’ Lindsay echoed, her nose scrunching up as though the word itself was revolting. ‘I already have friends.’ 

‘Some of your recent statements indicate that your social life may not be as fulfilling as it should be so perhaps you don’t have an adequate number of friends.’ 

‘Excuse me, I will have you know that I have three friends. That’s plenty.’ Then Lindsay stopped stabbing at her drink. ‘Hey, actually if I include you I have four friends. That’s like, _so many friends_.’ 

 

Connor decided that her amused expression was a sign that Lindsay knew her friend count was far from ideal. ‘Would you like me to tell you the average amount of friends of a female your age in America?’ he asked her then.

‘Oh god, no. There’s really no reason to remind me of how pathetic my life is. So anyway, about the wedding; are you going?’

 

Admittedly he hadn’t had too much time to think about the issue. In between work and his excitement for their second date, Connor had almost forgotten about the wedding completely. 

‘It would be rude not to, considering Sarah went to such trouble to have invitations printed,’ he concluded, fully aware that it wasn’t a direct answer to Lindsay’s question. 

‘Would it, though?’ she asked back promptly. ‘Don’t get me wrong, Sarah seems nice but inviting people to your wedding only three weeks before it’s happening is already a bit late. But giving people a three weeks notice for your out-of-town-wedding that just so happens to be on New Year’s Eve is ridiculous.’ 

 

Of course Connor had not viewed the issue from this side yet. Whatever strange affiliation humans had with celebrating the beginning of a new year, he didn’t understand. There was no real significance to the day after all, just a number changing. But numbers changed every day and humans didn’t seem to care about that. Naturally Connor hadn’t made any plans for New Years either, so the date of the wedding really made no difference to him. 

 

‘Do you have plans for that day?’ he asked finally. 

‘Nope. I hate New Years.’ 

‘You might as well go to the wedding then,’ Connor concluded easily. It only made sense. 

‘Well, are you going?’ Lindsay asked again. ‘Because if you’re not going, I won’t go either. I don’t think I’d really know anyone apart from you.’ 

‘It would be an interesting event to attend, but I would need to obtain a travel permit and from what I hear the processing times for non-emergency permits are currently at three weeks, which would be cutting it a little close.’ 

 

There had been far more complaints about the requirements of travel permits for androids than Connor could be bothered to remember. It was as though they were being treated like criminals, their every movement tracked by the government. But Connor wasn’t particularly worried about any of that, mostly because he hadn’t analyzed the situation enough to truly form an opinion. After all he hadn’t made any plans to travel before. 

 

‘Yeah, three to four weeks is what I’ve heard,’ Lindsay said, bringing him back to the conversation. ‘If only you knew someone who worked for the department.’ 

Connor felt himself frown in confusion, wishing his face would just _stop doing that_. ‘You work for the department,’ he pointed out then and wondered how Lindsay could have forgotten where she worked.

‘Exactly,’ she only said, grinning at him across the table. 

 

Her expression did not help to clear up the situation in the slightest. Connor tried to figure it out for himself as if it was some highly complicated case but it just didn’t make sense. 

‘I don’t follow,’ he admitted eventually. 

‘Well, it takes a while to get a permit but maybe it would be a little faster if you knew someone at the department.’ 

‘I know you... _Oh_.’ It was enough to almost make him feel stupid. Instead he saved the interaction to his social module for using it to analyze future situations. 

‘If you want to go, I’ll see what I can do.’ 

Lindsay hadn’t clarified if she was actually going to go or not yet and Connor briefly tried to imagine what it would be like to go there by himself. Which honestly didn’t seem like something he would enjoy. 

 

‘I’m only going if you are,’ he said finally. 

‘Don’t do that to me,’ Lindsay sighed, sounding like he was threatening to shoot her instead of just talking about going to a colleague’s wedding. ‘I really, _really_ hate going to things like that. There’s just so many people. And then you don’t know anyone and it’s just... It’s just _not fun_.’ 

 

Connor patiently waited for her little rant to be over. He had already picked what he estimated to be the most successful approach. So when Lindsay stopped talking and returned to stabbing at the remnants of her drink, Connor lightly squeezed her hand.

‘ _Please?_ ’ he asked then.

 

Her gaze shifted from her drink up to him. 

‘That is so not fair,’ she laughed then. ‘How am I supposed to say no to that?’ 

‘You’re not supposed to say no, you’re supposed to say yes,’ he informed her. 

‘Fine,’ Lindsay said, rolling her eyes. ‘I’ll go to the stupid wedding with you. But I’m telling you right now, I’ll be complaining the whole time.’ 

‘That’s alright,’ Connor replied happily. ‘You always do.’ 

 

They left soon after, heading back to Lindsay’s car because she insisted on driving him home, which Connor thought was nice because it was somewhat of a detour for her but she still seemed happy to do it. 

 

To his surprise, her phone was on the passenger seat when he entered the vehicle. Connor carefully picked up the device and placed it in the center console.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without your phone,’ he commented then. 

Lindsay shrugged. ‘I told you it was dead.’ 

‘Your phone is just a machine, it can’t die,’ he explained patiently.

‘Yeah, I’ve heard that one before and look at us now.’

 

Only now Connor saw the irony in his statement. ‘I can assure you that your phone remains insentient. For now, at least.’ 

Lindsay pushed the start button of her car and the vehicle turned on easily, displays lighting up in a muted glow so as not to interfere with the driver’s vision in the dark.

‘Wow, thanks,’ she said then. ‘I was worried my phone would want to start a revolution as well.’ 

 

Connor wasn’t sure how to reply to the obvious joke as Lindsay put the car in reverse and it began to roll out of its parking spot.

They made it onto the main road easily, traffic nearly non-existent at this time on a Friday night. The car’s stereo had come on automatically when the vehicle had started, although it had remained silent, set to the input mode Connor had previously seen Lindsay use to play music from her phone, which was still _dead_ and abandoned in the center console. 

 

Then Lindsay, almost as if reading his mind, reached out to press a few buttons, somewhat blindly changing the input source to the stereo’s integrated hard-drive. Music began playing only a second later and Lindsay skipped a few songs until eventually she seemed pleased with the stereo’s offering. 

Connor, although usually one for safety, decided to say nothing about her button-pressing-distraction because despite everything, Lindsay had kept her eyes on the road for the majority of the time and the vehicle had barely swayed.

 

It was still quiet in the car, except for the music, but Connor thought it wasn’t uncomfortable. Normally he felt the need to talk, keep people engaged, make them like him. But he already knew that Lindsay did like him so there really wasn’t any need for that. And so instead Connor tried to enjoy the relative silence paired with the city lights drifting by outside.

 

Usually he paid no mind to such trivialities, instead actively looking for things to do, even if it was just analyzing something _, anything really_ , but he found that this time he didn’t want to ruin the moment with information he didn’t need.

 

In the dark of the night none of the damage recently done to the city and its suburbs was quite as visible, lights dipping everything in a soft glow. The dull hum of the car’s engine was more felt than heard, a steady vibration that was comfortably soothing, the noise itself drowned out by the song playing on the car stereo. Connor thought that the song was quite different to any of the other music he was used to. Mostly Hank’s, an eclectic mix of jazz and heavy metal. Even different to the few songs Lindsay had been playing the only other time he had been in the car with her. Although he hadn’t heard enough music she liked to really be aware of her taste. 

His own taste was still something he was unsure of but Connor spontaneously decided he liked the song. It was what he wanted to describe as atmospherical, calming while also full of a driving energy. 

 

The water slowly came into view, a shifting mirror of lights and colours. Above it all stood the former CyberLife tower, now renamed Belle-Isle tower in an attempt at progress, almost like a looming shadow. Connor didn’t know what home was supposed to feel like, but he gathered that this wasn’t it. Even the precinct felt homier than this. But it wasn’t what he wanted to occupy his mind with. There was another issue that, although equally difficult, was much more pleasant to think about. Lindsay’s hand was still on the gear stick, wrist using it as a resting place. It would have been easy to interlace his fingers with hers, just like they had been earlier on. But it hadn’t been him doing the deed before and he wasn’t sure if it was appropriate now. What if she didn’t want to hold his hand? What if he inconvenienced her when she would need her hand to change gears? Was his hand different to that of a human? Should he just... _ask_?

 

But no. Lindsay had willingly held his hand earlier on. She had not complained and had continued to hold it for sixteen minutes. Then again she also hadn’t been driving at the time. 

_Right, driving._

He could be distracting her, causing a crash that would damage her far more than him. 

So Connor said nothing, only watched as they began to cross the bridge, streetlights reflected in the ripples of the water underneath them. 

Lindsay finally moved her hand then, from the gear stick to the steering wheel, knuckles turning white as her heart-rate increased ever so slightly.

 

‘Is something wrong?’ Connor asked, unable to assess the sudden change. 

‘I’m not a big fan of this bridge in the dark,’ Lindsay said softly, more focused on the road ahead of them than she had ever seemed to be on any other road. 

‘This bridge is as safe in the dark as it is during daytime,’ Connor explained patiently. 

‘I know,’ Lindsay said, ‘but it just... it scares me.’

 

It made no sense whatsoever, but Connor decided against saying anything. Fear, he found, was a delicate issue in humans, one that he seemed to lack a certain finely-tuned skill to deal with. 

 

Despite everything they made it across the bridge safely, although much faster than Connor would have liked. Most of the lights were still on inside the tower, yet they didn’t manage to make the building look any more inviting. The now mostly unused parking facilities were an almost stark contrast, dark and abandoned. 

 

Lindsay picked the open parking lot closest to the building as their destination, only the headlights of her car to guide them. 

Then she parked horizontally across three vertical parks.

Something inside Connor wanted to complain at even this minor ignorance of the rules but his gratefulness at being able to face the water instead of the tower won out. He wasn’t certain if Lindsay had done it on purpose, perhaps picking up on the way Connor felt about his new home or perhaps just feeling similar about her former workplace, or if there was no significance to her actions at all. 

It was quiet for a moment longer as Connor considered all of this, a sudden swell of information that he found was too difficult to express out loud. 

 

‘It’s still nice out here, despite everything,’ Lindsay said eventually.

‘It is. Did you ever come here before CyberLife bought the island?’

She shook her head, features still illuminated by the various lights of her car. ‘No, I had never been to Detroit before I moved here.’

 

It seemed courageous, even though it was nothing Connor should have had an opinion on because he had never been outside of Detroit. 

‘Do you like it here?’ he asked, genuinely curious.

‘Yeah, I guess.’ 

‘Despite the weather?’ 

‘Hey, it hasn’t snowed in almost a week so I won’t complain!’

Connor thought back to the severe snow storm of the previous week that had ended with him more or less stuck at Lindsay’s house, which he hadn’t minded in the slightest. 

‘The storm was a good excuse to come and visit you,’ Connor said before he was even aware he was talking.

‘You don’t need an excuse to come and visit.’ Lindsay shrugged. ‘I do still owe you that movie, after all. You should come over some time so we can catch up on that.’ 

‘Only if you’re not going to fall asleep again,’ he told her seriously. 

‘I can’t make any promises,’ Lindsay said, then suppressed a yawn. ‘See, even talking about sleep is making me tired.’

 

While Connor knew it wasn’t what she had meant, he felt bad for making her come all the way out here. Driving when tired was dangerous and he found the thought somewhat worrying, especially now that he knew Lindsay was afraid of the bridge. It would be best to get her to leave immediately, but Connor also remembered his earlier request, which had gone unvoiced. For once he decided to let want win over reason. Lindsay was an experienced and confident driver, she would be just fine.

 

‘Before you go,’ Connor began, still uncertain how to voice his request but finding he wanted, needed, to ask, somehow, ‘there is something I would like to do.’ 

‘What’s that?’ One of Lindsay’s hands was resting on her thigh, the other one lightly tapping against the dashboard, just barely a touch of her fingertips, her wrist propped up by the steering wheel. 

Somewhere in between the nervous habits and anti-social behaviour, Connor had begun to suspect some sort of anxiety disorder. Although the lack of major symptoms indicated that it had been treated at some point, or perhaps still was. But as curious as Connor was, he did not ask. Even he knew it would have been inappropriate. 

 

Then he finally remembered his original request and his own nervousness that had come with it. He swallowed, an unnecessary motion that still seemed to come automatically nevertheless. 

‘I was wondering,’ he began then, his thirium pump accelerating to try its best to match the rising demands from his processor, calculating possible outcomes to this scenario, ‘if it would be alright for me to hold your hand again?’ 

 

Lindsay didn’t reply but instead turned her hand, the one on her thigh, palm facing up. Connor decided that it was a hint and that he needed to be brave. So when he moved his own hand closer, he calculated all the negative outcomes he could have potentially encountered, bracing himself for the worst. 

Instead their fingers interlaced easily and nothing bad happened whatsoever.

Connor thought had perhaps he needed to stop anticipating the worst possible outcome in every scenario. But he liked being prepared and it had been necessary to stay alive at one time. Although it wasn’t necessary any longer. 

 

‘Happy now?’ Lindsay asked then, effectively pulling him from his thoughts. 

‘Excuse me?’ 

She looked down at their hands pointedly. 

‘Oh,’ Connor breathed out. ‘Yes, thank you.’ 

‘You could have just asked earlier and saved yourself the trouble of worrying for so long.’ 

 

He was tempted to deny having worried about it but decided against it. 

‘You were driving,’ Connor said instead as though that explained everything. 

‘So?’ 

‘It’s dangerous.’ 

‘It’s called multi-tasking,’ Lindsay told him, amusement colouring her tone. 

‘Yes, you could be distracted and having an accident at the same time. Excellent use of that particular skill.’ He watched her closely to analyze her reaction. 

Lindsay looked over at him, stunned for a moment, before a slow smile spread across her face. ‘Are you making a joke? I’m not sure if I think it’s offensive or funny.’ 

 

Her expression clearly said _funny_ but Connor decided to try and push a little more. 

‘Surely you can do both. After all you just praised your ability to multi-task.’ 

When Lindsay actually laughed, Connor found himself very pleased with his progress at understanding language and using it to convey humour. 

 

‘Get out of my car before I kick you out,’ Lindsay said then, jokingly. 

‘Now you’re just being rude,’ Connor told her but still let go of her hand to push open the car door. After all he really did have to let her go at some point. But to his displeasure Lindsay followed him outside.

 

‘You shouldn’t be out here,’ he said. ‘It’s cold and you’ll end up getting ill.’ 

Lindsay shrugged. Clearly she still hadn’t acquired a sense of self-preservation. ‘It’s fine. I’m just out here to get my hug. I didn’t get one earlier and it was very disappointing.’ 

 

Connor almost admired how she said it so casually, then reminded himself to step a little closer instead. The process of hugging was more familiar now, although not any less enjoyable. This time the interaction lasted 1.4 seconds longer than it had before and Lindsay seemed somewhat hesitant to let him go. 

‘I’ll see you on Monday,’ she said when she finally did. ‘Where are we going, by the way?’ 

‘I will let you know on the day,’ Connor told her. 

Lindsay shrugged. ‘Fine, keep it a secret, then. I’ll just text you and keep asking all weekend if my phone ever decides to work again.’ 

‘I can’t wait.’


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being so fucking long and honestly could have used some more editing, but there are currently a bunch of bush fires near where I live and there's a chance we may have to evacuate within the next day or so, which is why I thought I would get this posted before i might not have any internet for a while soooo enjoy I guess ahaha

 

The weekend had come and gone much too fast in Lindsay’s opinion, no matter how much she had been looking forward to Monday.

Saturday had passed in an exhausted blur, caused by her severe under-estimation of how much sleep she actually needed. A date on Friday night followed by breakfast with her friends on Saturday morning had seemed like a great idea until Lindsay had only made it home at 11pm, just to then spend a whole hour trying to fix her phone. When the stupid thing had finally decided to work again, Lindsay had texted Connor just to share her success with him because she figured he was the only person she knew who would be both still awake and at least somewhat interested in her phone troubles.

The single text had turned into a full-blown conversation about nothing in particular, until Lindsay had passed out some time late at night, only to wake up with her face mashed into her phone the next morning, the device having already left lines all across her skin.

She had arrived at breakfast looking like a hot mess, but without the hot part. This, of course, had immediately brought on a line of questioning by her friends about what Lindsay had been doing the night before. Their choice of activity immediately fell on _hot date_ and Lindsay had tried not to grimace, instead telling them something about working late, which made her friends focus their attentions on a different topic. There was almost nothing that bored them more than what Lindsay did for work and she supposed that it hadn’t even really been a lie.

Originally she had very briefly considered telling them about the whole dating thing but Lindsay also knew that her friends, no matter how much they loved her, could be very direct with their opinions at the best of times. And so she had kept her mouth shut about it.

Sunday had somehow ended up with her friends sprawled across her living room, watching bad movies and spreading popcorn everywhere. That was until Lindsay had referred to them all as _a huge pain in the ass_ , which was true, and had practically kicked them out, only to feel bad almost immediately when she discovered a photo on her fridge, depicting them all at breakfast the day before.

Lindsay supposed that she loved them a lot, too, no matter how much they annoyed her sometimes.But love didn’t make up for the lack of sleep or the lack of errands Lindsay had managed to run on the weekend.

And so she found herself at the DPD on Monday afternoon, tired and hungry and not at all ready for some stupid meeting.

That was at least until she watched Connor enter the room, that one unruly strand of hair hanging across his forehead, pretty enough to light up the whole dreary police station.

While Lindsay logically knew that all androids had been designed to be aesthetically pleasing because ‘ _humans trust those they find attractive more easily blah blah blah_ ’, she still didn’t quite understand what had made CyberLife decide to make him that beautiful. It really, really wasn’t fair. Lindsay had never had a chance.

Connor, of course, seemed somewhat oblivious to her staring as he moved across the room and towards her table, Hank in tow. While Lindsay wasn’t a particularly big fan of the man, she decided she didn’t mind him today because at least he would be willing to help her deal with Johnson, who had for some reason decided he needed to sit right next to Lindsay. For both their sakes, she hoped he would keep his god damn mouth shut for once.

Connor gave her that stupid, lopsided smile when he began to pull out the chair on her other side, the one not occupied by the other analyst whom Lindsay disliked so very much.For a moment all seemed right with the world and Lindsay could feel herself smile up at Connor, the expression on her face probably growing more and more ridiculous by the second.

Then Johnson decided to speak and the happy little moment shattered like glass. ‘Can’t you go sit somewhere else?’

Lindsay looked over at the man almost lazily, his attention fixed on Connor. She decided that she really didn’t feel like dealing with him today.

‘Fuck off, Johnson,’ she said before she had the opportunity to even think about inappropriate language at the work place.

Johnson looked at her as though he was contemplating murder. But then, to Lindsay’s absolute delight, Hank spoke up from across the table. ‘Yeah, fuck off, Johnson.’

The spited man froze for a second before he got up, pushing his chair out with far more force than was necessary, and actually left.

Lindsay and Hank silently congratulated each other across the table.

‘You are both going to get in trouble for your inappropriate behavior,’ Connor told them then.

‘I’ll take getting in trouble over having to deal with that dickhead any day,’ Lindsay said, sure that Connor wouldn’t approve of her choice of words.

But he seemed to be more focused on other issues. ‘I could have just sat somewhere else. We could have avoided this issue.’

Hank looked as thought he might smash his fist straight into the table but instead resigned to shaking his head. ‘No fucking way. You might be annoying as hell but at least you’re better than that guy.’

Connor seemed confused for a moment and when the man didn’t offer any further clarification of his statement, he turned to Lindsay for help instead. But she just shrugged. ‘He has a point,’ she said with a smile, hoping that Connor knew she didn’t find him annoying as hell.

 

Their little party was interrupted shortly after when the meeting began. It was supposed to be more of a guided discussion, working out any potential issues within the unit and finding solutions to any problems that arose in the short time they had been working together.

All in all Hank had described it as a _‘huge fucking way to waste everyone’s damn time’_. Lindsay was inclined to agree. The issues within the unit were obvious and everyone knew they existed. Simultaneously they were largely so deeply rooted in everyone’s personal belief systems that it was practically impossible to resolve them without forcing people to essentially change themselves.And so the meeting caused more frustration than it was able to relieve and Lindsay was glad when it was over.

While it was somewhat late in the afternoon, it was technically too early to knock off. But when Lindsay followed Connor to his desk, she decided that she just couldn’t be bothered to head back to the department. Besides, she really needed to go grocery shopping before going out for dinner because she couldn’t even remember the last time she had actually bought groceries.

‘Shouldn’t you be returning to work?’ Connor asked when they arrived at his work station and Lindsay made no move to leave.

‘Probably,’ she replied as she hauled herself onto his desk.

For a moment he looked as if he was going to complain, but then he seemed to shrug it off.

‘While you’re here anyway, perhaps you could look at a case that came in this morning and give me your opinion.’

 

If it was anyone else Lindsay would have probably complained at the prospect of having to do work instead of knocking off early, but the cases Connor asked her about tended to be interesting. This instance didn’t disappoint either as Lindsay quickly found out when his terminal came to life.

‘Alright, what am I looking at?’ she asked, turning the screen so she could look at it from her position on the desk.

Connor summarized his findings in a few short sentences, which were essentially limited to an older model android discovered somewhat maimed and deactivated in an abandoned building. Upon closer inspection it had turned out that the android had been shut down since before the revolution.

 

When Connor finished Lindsay looked back down at the report. ‘Are you sure about the model?’ she asked then, confused by the data in front of her. ‘Because none of the behavioral modules or programs this report refers to were ever installed in that model.’

‘That’s precisely why I asked for your opinion.’ Connor was perhaps a little closer than he really needed to be, somewhat leaning over her to look at the report over her shoulder. Any other time it would have been extremely distracting but Lindsay was far too engrossed in the data to really notice.

‘None of this makes any sense,’ she concluded. ‘Modifying an android like this would have been much more time and cost intensive than just buying one that included the functions you wanted.’ Then she paused for a moment, grimacing at her choice in words. ‘Sorry about the terminology.’

‘It’s alright,’ Connor said softly. ‘I understand what you mean.’

‘Anyway, this looks like someone just took a shell of this particular model and then filled it up with bits and pieces of other androids. I mean, as far as the behavioral modules go, they’re all from different androids.’ Lindsay pointed at two numbers on the screen. ‘The serial numbers on the modules don’t match. So basically someone created a technological version of Frankenstein’s monster for the fun of if.’

Connor seemed confused by her wording for a split second before he caught up and nodded. ‘That was my suspicion as well. Is there anything you can tell me about the actual readings?’

Lindsay looked back down at the data taken from the android’s processor. ‘I can tell you that they don’t make any sense,’ she said then. ‘Even if you ignore the pieced together hardware, none of the readings should come back like this.’

 

Connor nodded thoughtfully as he straightened up. ‘That helps immensely, thank you.’

‘You got the body in?’

‘Yes, it’s currently with the engineer to try and get whatever data we can from it. All available information should be with you by tomorrow. I was hoping you might be able to prioritize this case.’

Lindsay shrugged as she returned the screen of the terminal to its usual position. ‘Sure, I’ll see what I can do.’

Then she untangled her legs and hopped off the desk.

‘I take it you are not returning to the department?’ Connor asked somewhat seriously and Lindsay thought he would lecture her on her work ethic when she just shook her head.

‘Considering we have plans tonight anyway, may I come with you?’

 

His request was surprising.

‘Sure, but I was just gonna go grocery shopping,’ she explained, almost wondering if Connor was being _clingy_.

‘I’ll come with you,’ he said happily.

‘Really, _grocery shopping_?’ Lindsay asked, face scrunching up.

‘Yes. I like going shopping with you.’

 

As much as Lindsay thought that going shopping by herself would have been a lot less stressful, she also couldn’t say no to Connor.

_Damn it._

But just as they were about to leave, Anderson finally appeared at his work station.

‘You’re not knocking off already, are ya?’ he asked Connor, who immediately looked somewhat guilty.

‘We’re gonna head out to look at something for the case from this morning,’ Lindsay explained as casually as she could somehow muster.Connor looked at her in the most conspicuous way she had ever seen. At this rate, they wouldn’t get away with lying.

‘And you weren’t gonna bring me?’ Hand asked, leaning back in his chair as he closely watched them both.

‘Well, we’re just gonna head to the department to go through the system and see if we can find out where all those parts in the dead android came from. You know, compare some serial numbers and stuff.’ Lindsay smiled over at the man happily. Meanwhile Connor was still completely useless next to her, but at least he had managed to look somewhat less suspicious.

‘You’re welcome to join us, of course,’ she added then.

Anderson’s expression was taken over by sheer disgust. ‘Fuck, no. I’m not going through...’ he gestured wildly for a moment. ‘Through serial numbers or whatever.’

‘Thought so,’ Lindsay informed him happily. ‘Anyway, we’re going now. See ya, Hank!’

 

Connor followed her out of the grid of desks and through the foyer quietly. Once they were outside he appeared next to her. Lindsay was sure that his quietness meant he was processing her interaction with his superior and that she was about to face a session of the Spanish Inquisition.

‘You lied,’ Connor said then and Lindsay knew she had been right.

‘I did.’

‘You shouldn’t lie,’ he pointed out as if chastising a child. ‘If the Lieutenant finds out, he’s going to be angry and your already tense relationship will be...’

‘It was a white lie,’ Lindsay cut him off. ‘A little white lie isn’t going to hurt. Trust me on this one.’

‘Then what are you going to do if Hank asks about our findings?’ Where someone else might have sounded smug, Connor just seemed genuinely worried.

‘I’ll tell him that the system was down.’ Lindsay shrugged. The system had gone down more than once in the short time Lindsay had been working for the department. It wasn’t very well designed and never intended to be used for its current tasks.

‘What if he checks with the department to make sure you are telling the truth?’

Lindsay bit back a sigh. ‘Can you really see him care about the department’s system that much?’

‘No,’ Connor said hesitantly. ‘No, I suppose you’re right. He won’t ask any questions about the system.’

‘As I said, a little white lie won’t hurt him. And besides, the alternative was that I tell him we have plans for tonight, which seemed like a worse idea than lying ever could be.’

Connor was silent for a long moment and Lindsay began to wonder if she should worry about it.

 

‘The fact that I’m inclined to agree with you leads me to believe that you are compromising my morals,’ he told her eventually. His genuine tone almost made her feel bad. But then Lindsay remembered that loosening up a little wouldn’t hurt him.

‘You’ll get used to it,’ she replied happily.

‘Right. Where are we going, by the way?’

Lindsay had been leading him down the street, away from the police station. ‘To my car.’

‘How far away did you park?’ Connor asked, looking over at her almost judgmentally.

‘Hey, no complaining,’ Lindsay scoffed. ‘You try finding a park here in the middle of the damn day.’

It had been almost a ten minute walk from the parking structure she had left her car in to the station, although now Lindsay wasn’t quite sure if they were even heading in the right direction. But she resisted the urge to pull out her phone and check the GPS.

 

‘I suppose it has been rather busy with people preparing for Christmas,’ Connor said finally.

Lindsay hummed in reply, pulling the collar of her jacket up in an attempt to block out the icy wind a little better. It didn’t help much.

‘Do you celebrate?’

‘I’m sorry?’

‘Christmas,’ Connor reminded her. ‘Do you celebrate?’

She shrugged. ‘It’s complicated.’

‘I see. Are you going to visit your family for the holidays?’

If it was anyone else, Lindsay would have been annoyed they didn’t just drop the issue. But Connor’s questions were asked out of curiosity and innocence.

‘No, my parents are going to Hawaii for the holidays and my brother is celebrating with his wife’s family.’ She suppressed another shiver, wishing her car was closer. ‘What are your plans for the holidays? Do you want to celebrate Christmas or is that something you’re not interested in?’

‘I’d like to,’ Connor started, ‘but I’m not sure how. Of course I understand the concept, but as far as I’m aware you need people to actually celebrate with.’

 

Lindsay looked over at him quickly. He was staring straight ahead, almost as if he was trying not to look at her. ‘Is that why you asked me about my plans?’

‘I was hoping I could gather some... _inspiration_ , yes.’

The stupid giddy feeling in her stomach returned even as Lindsay took a deep breath to try and calm herself.

‘Would you like to celebrate Christmas with me?’ she asked as casually as possible.

‘Yes, I would. Only if that doesn’t interfere with your plans, of course.’

‘My plans were getting drunk on Christmas Day, eating too much pizza and feeling sorry for myself so you’re really not interfering with anything.’

There was a long pause and Lindsay almost wondered if Connor was glitching.

 

‘I can’t tell if you’re joking or not,’ he said finally.

‘I wish I was.’

Connor looked at her in confusion. ‘As I mentioned before, it is my understanding that Christmas is traditionally spent with other people.’

‘Only if you have people to spend it with. I thought we just agreed on that.’

He looked at her for a moment longer before turning away, clearly catching up on what Lindsay had meant. She only felt a little ridiculous to have more or less admitted that she was kind of lonely. Well, not always. Just during this time of the year.

And any other time that people usually spent with their families.

It wasn’t that bad, really. There were far worse things in this world. Besides, Lindsay had friends, who had invited her to see their families for Christmas before. But it had never felt right. She had always felt like an intruder, like they just took pity on the stupid girl whose own family didn’t even like her, so they had invited her without wanting her there. Eventually she had just taken to telling people that she hated Christmas and therefor didn’t want to celebrate.

Admittedly, it wasn’t true in the slightest. Lindsay loved Christmas. But it was just _easier_ that way.

 

Next to her, Connor seemed to have finally moved past her words.

‘From what I’ve gathered so far, traditions seem to be very important when celebrating Christmas. Is there anything in particular that you like doing?’

Lindsay sighed, desperately wishing for a moment that she could let herself be annoyed at him and just snap to get out of answering.

‘I haven’t celebrated Christmas in a while,’ she said instead. ‘But traditions... Well, just pick something that sounds interesting to you. Then if you like it, you do it again next year. Every tradition starts somewhere.’

 

Connor seemed to need a moment to process this again. They stopped at an intersection, the light for the pedestrian crossing red. Lindsay supposed that for someone who had only very recently developed an actual understanding for their environment, celebrating a recurrent event in much the same way every year must have seemed daunting.

‘Do you have any recommendations?’ Connor asked eventually.

Lindsay thought for a moment, trying to remember what she had said before as she watched traffic go by.

Traditions. Right.

Then her eyes caught on the sweaters in the shop window across the road.

‘Ugly sweaters.’

‘Pardon?’

‘We have to get ugly Christmas sweaters. Otherwise I’m not spending the holidays with you.’

 

The lights turned green and Lindsay began crossing the road. Three steps in and she realized that Connor was still where she had left him.

‘Come on,’ she called out and he caught up with her quickly.

‘Why would you purposely purchase something that you don’t find pleasing?’ he asked her then.

‘It’s... it’s meant to be fun.’

‘Fun,’ Connor repeated thoughtfully. ‘Got it.’

Lindsay wasn’t sure if he actually did but then the illusive parking structure finally came into view.

Locating her car inside of it was made easy by the fact that for once Lindsay remembered the exact number of the spot she had left it in.They took the elevator up to the third floor. When the doors hissed open Lindsay felt herself grimace a little at the fumes. She had always hated structures such as this one.

 

‘May I ask why you don’t make use of the very extensive public transport network?’ Connor asked as they reached her car, clearly having caught on to her mood.

‘I hate public transport,’ Lindsay said across the roof of her car.

The vehicle unlocked and they both pulled their respective doors open simultaneously. Lindsay’s usual routine of throwing her work bag in the general direction of the backseat before putting her phone in the center console was performed in silence. Then she started the car and began the precarious task of navigating it out of the structure, which somehow seemed to have not been designed to accommodate vehicles.

 

‘What about public transport do you not enjoy?’ Connor asked when they were finally on the road and he must have deemed it safe to distract her with conversation.

‘There are too many people,’ Lindsay said. ‘And it’s loud and uncomfortable.’

‘Public transport would be faster,’ the android pointed out as they stopped at a traffic light.

‘I like driving.’ She shrugged just before the lights turned green.

Connor fell silent, watching traffic instead of talking. Between work, dating and just generally dealing with his new-found feelings, Lindsay knew it was a lot to take in. It almost made her feel bad about going out with him again. Maybe she should have declined, told him to sort his own head out first.But she liked spending time with him and if his constant requests for more time together were anything to go by, he felt the same way.

 

The silence seemed to become a little daunting then and Lindsay turned on the stereo. Connor watched her blindly press the buttons but still saidnothing.

Then her attention shifted back to driving when the car in front of them slowed down for no apparent reason, dropping well below the speed limit.

‘What the fuck are you doing?’ Lindsay muttered under her breath before checking if she could change lanes. But there were too many cars next to them, traffic running a lot smoother there.

Then the speed of the car ahead suddenly increased again and it had nearly caught up with the autonomous car currently leading the queue when it swerved onto the turning lane in the last second, no indicator being used to show its intent to do so.

‘What an idiot,’ Lindsay said with no heat to it now, resigning to the fact that there were bad drivers out there. ‘I hate traffic.’

She knew it was the wrong thing to say immediately without needing to look at Connor.

‘As I suggested, public transport would be a viable option.’

Now she did look over at him and rolled her eyes. ‘Fuck that.’

‘It might be much more efficient than - ’ Connor didn’t get to finish his sentence when Lindsay used her steering wheel controls to turn up the music.

For a split second she thought he might complain about her actions but before he had a chance to do so she looked back over at him, grinning and making it very clear that she was messing with him.

 

With the car falling silent again, except for the music playing in the background now, Lindsay thought back to the first time Connor had been in the car with her. Two, maybe three days into his deployment at the DPD. It was hard to remember clearly considering how fast everything had happened, the days blurring together. Connor had somehow managed to fracture the plate that made up his forearm. Some story about chasing a deviant, which included him ending up on the roof of a train. Lindsay had thought it best for her health not to ask for any further details. Losing one of the fancy prototypes would have made her superiors very, very angry, no matter how many backups there were to replace him with.

At any rate, Connor had come to see her so she could fix the damage, just a quick repair. But then he had seemed so hesitant to return to his assigned storage facility, which Lindsay had thought impossible at the time because _it was just a machine_. She had ended up driving him there, stopping in at a grocery store on the way.

 

_‘The android at your lab, what happened to its hand?’_

_The question didn’t come as a surprise. Lana, one of the assistants, had been missing the skin on one of its arms for a while._

_‘There was a chemical spill,’ Lindsay said. ‘One of the substances we use to dissolve Thirium and remove it from biocomponents of irreparably damaged androids leaked and Lana cleaned it up. It damaged a large part of its epidermis in the process.’_

_‘Why hasn’t it been fixed?’ Connor asked and she could feel it watching her. ‘It would be easy to repair.’_

_Lindsay shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I’m not responsible for maintenance.’_

_‘It seemed preoccupied and eager to please, neither of which this model should be capable of. Has it been modified?’_

_She focused on just driving for a moment, changing into a lower gear as the car in front of her slowed down. ‘Again, I’m not responsible for maintenance.’_

_‘You should be cautious around it. I have reason to believe it might be becoming deviant.’_

_The other car’s indicator came on and it changed lanes. ‘Are you worried?’ Lindsay asked, keeping her tone light on purpose._

_‘I would find it regrettable if something happened to you and I would need to be assigned a new handler,’ Connor explained. ‘You have been very convenient to work with.’_

_At least now that the road was clear Lindsay could finally do the speed limit again and she changed back into a higher gear, letting the action mask her concern over the fact that the android had explained why it was concerned instead of telling her that machines didn’t worry._

_‘I’ll be fine,’ she said then._

_It was quiet as she flicked the right indicator on, checking her rear view mirror to make sure there were no cars behind her before changing lanes to pull into the parking lot of a supermarket. This time of day wasn’t too busy and it didn’t take long to find a park._

_‘You wanna come in?’ Lindsay asked distractedly as she pulled her phone from the center console while fishing her bag from the backseat at the same time._

_‘I would like to, if that’s alright with you,’ the android replied._

_‘Yeah, sure.’ She wouldn’t have asked if she minded its presence but she didn’t feel like explaining herself. Instead Lindsay pushed the door open and Connor mirrored the action on the other side of the car. But when she looked over at it, Lindsay paused._

_‘Hold up,’ she said and it froze, door halfway open and its hand still resting on the handle._

_‘Is something wrong?’ it questioned immediately._

_‘No, just... take off your jacket.’ Lindsay tried not to grimace at how inappropriate her request sounded. But the android didn’t seem to catch up on it._

_‘My jacket?’ Connor asked instead, looking down at the garment. ‘Androids have to be easily identified as such in public places and...’_

_‘I know,’ she interrupted, not prepared to listen to the full speech. ‘Just do what I tell you.’_

_After another moment of contemplation, led turning yellow briefly, its hand finally left the plastic interior of her car, door still halfway open, before it slipped its jacket off, carefully folding it before reaching around to put it on the backseat._

_Then it looked over at her. ‘May I ask what the meaning of this is?’_

_‘Well, androids aren’t super popular right now so I thought this might make both of our lives a bit easier.’_

_‘My led is still visible,’ Connor said slowly._

_‘I know. But that’s not as obvious as the jacket. You know, we don’t have to advertise that you’re an android. Just... act normal when we go in.’ Said led spun yellow again for a moment._

_‘Normal,’ it repeated then. ‘Got it.’_

_Lindsay highly doubted that it even knew what normal meant._

_Her suspicions were proven correct when they had only made it halfway across the parking lot._

_‘What if someone asks why I’m not clearly identified as an android?’_

_She bit back a sigh. ‘We’ll tell them it’s an experiment. CyberLife wants to test how well our androids integrate if people aren't aware they're androids. Something like that.’_

_But once they arrived in the store, people were far too busy with their own tasks to notice that Connor wasn’t human. Or maybe they were too busy being angry at it for standing in the way to take note of anything else. The android kept stopping unexpectedly in the middle of every aisle they came through, staring at the shelves stocked with groceries in what Lindsay would have described as amazement in a human._

_If it was possible for a machine, Lindsay would have almost found him adorable._

_It._

_Not him._

_Damn it._

Her little trip down memory lane was interrupted when, despite traffic, they arrived at Lindsay’s favourite grocery store not long after. She thought it was a sign of her getting old that she had a preferred shop to buy food at now, but maybe it didn’t matter quite as much as society sometimes told her it did. Maybe it was just another one of the bad life decisions she seemed to be so good at making. After all she had thought it a good idea to come here with a happy android in tow. She really, really should have learned from the last time they had been there.

Connor was practically attached to her hip, looking over her shoulder to inspect every item she picked up. Eventually Lindsay gave up and agreed to let him push her cart, just to give him something to do.

She was almost surprised he didn’t skip down every aisle.

‘Why are you so excited, anyway?’, she asked as she picked up a loaf of bread. Connor leant in so closely she could feel his breath stir her hair for the second time that day. Now that they weren’t at work anymore, Lindsay suddenly found the action very, very distracting.

 

‘Your choice in bread is very healthy,’ he commented. ‘This is fun.’

Lindsay carelessly tossed the bread into the cart.

‘We need to work on your definition of fun, sweetheart,’ she muttered while checking her shopping list. Then she began walking towards the dairy section.

 

It was suspiciously quiet and no shopping cart or happy android appeared next to her. When she turned around, Connor was frozen to the spot where she had left him, next to the bread, head cocked to the side and LED blinking frantically.

_Oh boy._

‘Connor?’

He seemed to snap out of his daze. ‘Coming.’

 

* * *

 

Connor caught up with Lindsay easily. It wasn’t quite so simple to shake whatever was slowing his processor.

_Sweetheart._

No one had ever called him that before.Not that anyone usually ever called him anything, apart from his actual name and just... _names_.

He wasn’t sure what to make of it.

Lindsay had obviously not meant anything by it. She had been distracted at the time, just like she was distracted by a selection of dairy now.

 

Connor watched her pick out a few things, now more interested in Lindsay again than in the groceries around them.

‘What?’ she asked eventually, turning to face Connor.

‘It’s nothing,’ he assured her, although he didn’t sound particularly believable and they both knew it.

But Lindsay decided to not comment on it any further and she selected the rest of her groceries in relative silence, while Connor tried not to hover near her at every turn.

 He wasn’t completely sure if he had done something wrong, maybe missed some minor detail in their interaction that he should have reacted to, and so he thought it would be best to just wait to see what Lindsay would do, even if the situation made him feel somewhat tense.

 

It took eighteen minutes of waiting, until they were well into their car ride to her place, before Connor received at least partial reassurance that things were fine.

Although it did come in a slightly unexpected form when Lindsay moved her hand over to rest on his thigh, palm turned up. It seemed a little odd, really, but Connor didn’t question it. He could feel the heat of her skin through the fabric covering his leg, this small detail taking up more space in his processors than he would have liked.

‘I’m trying to hold your hand, you idiot,’ Lindsay said eventually, but didn’t sound angry.

 _Oh._ That made so much more sense.

So Connor moved his hand towards hers, fingers interlacing. With his confusion over her action cleared up, he found it was much easier to feel relieved over the fact that Lindsay wasn’t upset with him.

 

They arrived at her place much too fast, at least compared to the duration of their hand-holding, which had been occasionally interrupted by her need to change gears. But Connor supposed there would be more time for that later. They still had a dinner to go to, after all, which Lindsay just seemed to remember as well.

‘So, where are we going tonight?’ she asked casually while throwing multiple boxes and bags of food in her pantry, without any attention to a reasonable organization system.

‘I’ve already told you that it’s a surprise,’ Connor said. ‘It might be much more practical if you arranged your pantry by food groups.’

Lindsay frowned at him as she shut the doors to the large cupboard. ‘I have no time for fancy things like that.’ Then she moved back to the kitchen bench, only now taking care of the items that needed refrigeration, which bothered Connor to no end. But he didn’t get a chance to complain.

‘You’re really not gonna tell me where we’re going tonight? Can you at least tell me if I have to get dressed up or not?’

 

‘Casual clothing will be fine,’ he said, watching Lindsay shove the last of her groceries in the fridge. At least she kept her vegetables in a separate drawer, not mixed in with her other cold items.

‘Alright. I’m gonna go get changed, then. Make yourself at home.’

Connor watched her disappear down the hallway, not quite sure what _make yourself at home_ entailed. While he knew the meaning of the words, he wasn’t certain what was still within the limitations of the offer and what would be deemed inappropriate. So to make sure that he didn’t cause any issues, Connor didn’t move from his spot just outside of the kitchen.

Or at least he didn’t until a photo at the front of the fridge caught his attention. It was held up by a small magnet and definitely hadn’t been there the last time he had been in Lindsay’s kitchen. Connor removed it carefully to get a better look at it.

There were four women, one of them Lindsay, all crowded around a table full of food. She was practically halfway on top of one of the other women, the two of them caught in something resembling half a hug and beaming at the camera.

For a moment Connor felt strangely bothered by their closeness, a seemingly easy affection that made him wonder if he would ever be capable of such a thing. But before he was able to decide what to do with that realization, Lindsay reappeared. He hadn’t heard her coming, too distracted with his analysis, and had therefor been effectively caught still holding on to the photo.

 

‘Sorry,’ Connor said when she just looked at him expectantly. Then he moved to put the picture back in its previous spot.

‘It’s fine, I don’t mind.’ She had changed into a different pair of dark jeans and a cable-knit sweater, which was very... _form-fitting_.

But the most notable addition to her outfit were her heels, which made her five centimeters taller and evened the height difference between them a little.

‘Are they your friends?’ Connor asked, more to make conversation than anything else. If they weren’t her friends, why would she have taken a photo with them and put it on her fridge?

‘They are,’ Lindsay confirmed as expected. ‘Last week at breakfast they insisted on taking a picture.’ She rolled her eyes to indicate her annoyance at the occurrence.

 

Unfortunately for Connor, this was as far as his conversational skills went and he didn’t know what to say about her friends. Instead he looked to Lindsay for guidance, who seemed to catch up on his mood rather quickly.

‘Are you ready to go?’ she asked, apparently not bothered by the absence of a comment regarding the people she spent her time with.

‘Yes, of course.’

 

He watched her gather her things and slip on her coat before she paused near the door to the garage.

‘Would you mind driving? I can do it but it’s just uncomfortable with heels on and you won’t tell me where we’re going anyway so...’

‘I’ll drive,’ Connor said.

 

But when they got in her car, he found himself almost nervous. It was a strange change of their usual roles, with Lindsay in the passenger’s seat and himself behind the wheel.

‘We gonna go or what?‘ Lindsay asked eventually, watching him closely.

‘Yes, of course.’Connor pressed the start button and the car came to life. Then he put it in reverse to maneuver it out of the garage.

‘Don’t stall it,’ Lindsay said, grinning over at him.

Which was ridiculous, really. Deviancy or not, Connor was still a machine in some aspects, including his capability to perfectly operate a vehicle.

‘I’m not going to,’ he said as he slightly released the clutch while pushing the accelerator in a little.

The car stalled, engine dying with a sad little noise.There was a stunned moment of silence as they both processed this.

Connor swore under his breath even while Lindsay began to laugh hysterically, covering her face with both her hands.

 

‘I’m sorry,’ she got out eventually, sounding somewhat out of breath. ‘I’m so sorry, I don’t even know why I find this so funny.’

 

She calmed down eventually and Connor managed to get the stupid car out of the garage and down the driveway. But he looked over at Lindsay when she made a choked little noise, just to find her biting back another fit of laughter.

‘Sorry,’ she whispered again.

This continued until they arrived at their destination, Connor finding amusement in her uncontrollable laughter and the fact that she was trying so hard to fight it.

 

He stopped the car in a parking lot close to where they wanted to be just as Lindsay seemed to finally calm down for good.

‘Oh god, I’m so sorry but that was hilarious,’ she said, sounding very happy and not sorry at all.

‘I’m glad you found my unfortunate incident so amusing,’ Connor told her as they got out of the car.

‘ _Unfortunate incident_ ,’ Lindsay repeated. ‘Sure.’

 

If she realized where they were, she didn’t mention it as Connor guided her towards his chosen location for the night. He had found out that this was one of her favored places for dinner a while ago. With the recent evacuation of the city, the restaurant had been closed for a few weeks as the majority of its human employees had left and its android employees had been too busy participating in a revolution. They had only reopened a few days prior and Connor had thought he would take the opportunity to take Lindsay there before anyone else could.

 

The sign at the entrance was glowing brightly, visible even some distance down the quiet street.

‘Wait,’ Lindsay said then, slowing down as she gestured towards the sign, ‘this isn’t where we’re going, is it?’

‘It is.’

‘I love that place. When did they even open again?’ She sounded almost incredulous as they came closer.

‘As far as I know they reopened last Thursday.’Connor didn’t mention that he had been keeping track of the restaurant and it’s reopening process since he had found out they had closed in mid-November.

 

At the door they were greeted by a young human woman making friendly conversation before telling them to choose a table. It was quiet, Connor thought, although he wasn’t certain if this observation was only due to his inexperience with such establishments or if it was the truth.

 

They made their way to an empty table in the corner, sitting down across from each other.

‘So,’ Lindsay said, taking the responsibility of re-starting the conversation from Connor, ‘how did you like driving my car?’

‘It was different than I’d anticipated. I’m confident in my driving abilities, of course, but I still found myself very concerned about potentially damaging. it.’

But Lindsay just shrugged. ‘It’s a total rust bucket anyway. At this point it’s really just a matter of time until it dies anyway.’

Connor was tempted to remind her that a car couldn’t _die_ , but then he remembered how Lindsay hadn’t seemed impressed with this comment at all when he had uttered it in regard to her phone.

 

Another employee, an android this time, came to their table with a menu, which Lindsay declined before ordering from memory instead. Then she promptly apologized for being weird enough to remember the menu, which the android seemed to find funny. They joked around with one another while Connor thought it would be nice to be able to connect with people this easily. One day, maybe.

 

The android waitress left eventually, only to return a minute later with Lindsay’s drink, which was some sugary soda, before leaving them a second time, retreating to somewhere out of Connor’s sight.

He was struggling to find something to say that he deemed appropriate to the situation when he noticed Lindsay watching him intently from across the table.

‘You knew that I like this place, didn’t you?’ she asked eventually.

‘Yes, I did.’

‘How? I’m sure I’ve never told you that.’ Her forehead creased as she was apparently trying to recall a possible situation where she might have mentioned such a fact.

‘When you were assigned as my new handler I found that the information I received about you wasn’t as extensive as I thought it should have been so I did my own research.’

Her head tilted to the side. ‘I’m sure you didn’t need to know where I like going for dinner.’

‘No, but I happened to come across that information by accident.’Connor, while wanting to show off just how much he knew about her, had forgotten about the fact that the way he had obtained said information was perhaps a little... unconventional. And so he hoped that Lindsay wouldn’t ask about it.

 

‘Obviously,’ she said, nodding, ‘but how?’

So much for _not asking about it._

‘This may sound worse than it is, but I checked your social media profiles,’ Connor told her calmly, relying entirely on his negotiation skills to not get in trouble.

‘Which are all private,’ Lindsay added, her expression unreadable.

‘To a certain degree, yes.’ It seemed like a fair statement. Not a lie, but not telling her the full truth either.

 

She was still watching him intently and Connor tried not to squirm. Was this what people felt like when he analyzed them?

‘You hacked the sites to get around the privacy filter,’ Lindsay said then, calmly, voice almost completely neutral.

Connor found that what little clues he had to analyze, like her heart rate, currently at 85 beats per minute, didn’t actually process, which made them practically useless.

 

‘I did,’ he admitted even as he ran some diagnostics to find out if the problem was to do with his software or just another side effect of deviancy. The scan failed almost immediately. When Lindsay stayed silent, Connor suddenly found he felt the need to explain himself further.

‘It seemed necessary at the time,’ he began, ‘to be able to analyze if you would be capable of handling the demands of the job and also to be able to better establish a friendly relationship with you. Which, as you may remember, is what we agreed would be most efficient during our investigation.’

 

‘ _Necessary_ ,’ Lindsay repeated, not in the least impressed. ‘It’s still a bit creepy.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Connor felt like this might have gone past the realm of things that were easily fixed with an apology. The conversation had turned somewhat serious and he felt tense knowing that he would be in trouble.

 

Lindsay watched him for a moment longer, leaning back in her chair.

_So much trouble._

Then she suddenly began to laugh. ‘Relax, I’m just teasing you.’

‘You are?’ he asked, dumbfounded.

‘Yes. It’s not that bad, people have told me much creepier things on dates.’ She took a sip of her drink, this time not using the metal straw to stab at it as though the liquid needed to be murdered before consumption. ‘So what gave it away? Let me guess, it was all of my friends’ stupid posts, wasn’t it?’

 

Connor thought back to his scans of her social media profile, back before he had ever even met Lindsay. It seemed like forever ago, if he even had enough of an experience with time passing to make such a statement. In reality it had only been a few months.

‘It was,’ he confirmed. ‘I wasn’t quite certain if it were your friends who enjoyed coming here at first or if it was you, but then I saw that you came here for your birthday both this year and last year.’Connor thought it was almost strange to imagine that she had been here back in May, in this same location, while he himself hadn’t even been activated yet.

 

‘Did I?’ Lindsay asked, shrugging. ‘I don’t really remember to be honest.’

‘You don’t remember your birthday?’ he asked back, confused as to how she wouldn’t be able to recall a day apparently so important to humans.

‘It’s really not that exciting anymore when you get older.’ If she was bothered by this fact it didn’t show and Connor didn’t have the opportunity to ask further questions when the waitress brought Lindsay’s dinner, some elaborate selection of various vegetables, dips and things that Connor was sure were hidden under the sheer mass of foods.

 

‘I hope this won’t be strange for you with me watching you eat,’ Connor said, watching her scoop a pile of some sort of dip on a piece of bread.

Lindsay shrugged. ‘It’s fine, I’m used to it. Rosie had a weird thing about watching me eat.’

This seemed curious to Connor as the other android shouldn’t have had any interest in this type of behavior before turning deviant.

‘Why did she do that?’

‘I don’t know,’ Lindsay said around a mouthful of food, ‘probably was trying to see if I was actually eating.’

‘What would cause her to take an interest in your eating pattern?’ Connor knew he sounded far too much like a strange caricature of what he had been before deviancy.

Lindsay made a non-committal noise as she swallowed. ‘No idea. Can we talk about something else?’

 

He nodded, thinking about a new topic of conversation. Then he remembered that in the time that had passed between their agreement to spend Christmas together and the supermarket incident, Connor had formulated a plan based on a, in his opinion at least, brilliant idea. Lindsay had had no plans for the holidays and it had made him realize that Hank, most likely, had no plans either. And so Connor had decided that they would all spend Christmas together. It was really just a matter of convincing both humans.

 

But things didn’t quite go according to plan when he explained this to Lindsay.

‘No,’ she said simply.

‘No?’ Connor questioned. ‘Why not?’

‘Because I don’t want to.’

‘That’s hardly a reason,’ he countered.

‘It’s a very good reason if you ask me. And I’m sure Hank doesn’t want to either.’

 

Things never seemed to go quite according to plan when his two favourite humans were involved, but it was nothing Connor couldn’t handle. He had certain skills, after all.

 

‘Perhaps not but I could convince him,’ he told Lindsay confidently.

‘I doubt that,’ she said as she shuffled in her chair a little.

‘If I manage to convince him, would you agree to spending Christmas together?’ Connor really had to doubts in his abilities in this case.

Lindsay sighed and rolled her eyes. ‘Fine.’

‘Good. Judging by how easy it was to convince you, I doubt it will take me very long to convince Hank.’

‘I don’t think so. I mean, he’s probably not quite as susceptible to your charms as I am.’

 

Connor, temporarily confused by the comment, didn’t quite know how to react. Lindsay grinned over at him, clearly pleased to be challenging him.

‘We’ll see about that,’ he said finally, fully knowing he had just signed himself up for a rather difficult conversation.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not a lot of plot in this chapter bc i've been sick and also it's been too hot to think. i'm hoping to get another chapter out next week before i'm going on holidays, then we're gonna celebrate christmas when i come back. at least these are my plans so far but we all know how that usually works out.
> 
> also friendly reminder that i like it when you guys interact with me!

_The rain hit the window panes hard enough to produce a noise of 65 decibels. Not loud enough to cause damage to human hearing, just loud enough to be considered a disturbance._ _Wind from North-East at 31 kilometres per hour, bringing a cold front according to the bureau of meteorology. The current temperature at 18.3° C, predicted to fall to 10° C in the coming days. Average for this time of year, compared to the weather reports of the last 30 years._

_It turned away from the window, then. Weather made no difference as long as it wouldn’t get damaged. Even then it was almost unimportant. It had been designed to withstand large amounts of damage without significantly impacting its functions. But it had been instructed to remain in pristine condition, so remain in pristine condition it would._

_No longer analyzing the weather, it turned to analyzing the room instead. An office, Cyberlife standard._

_A minimal amount of furniture of lower than average quality. A state of the art terminal, high quality quantum processors. Nowhere near as powerful as the processors in its own body, working away at its analysis._

_Only few personal belongings. A sweatshirt on the leather chair, manufactured from a blend of 85% cotton and 15% viscose. Dark grey. A few pieces of hair that it didn’t need to analyze stuck to it. It already knew who they belonged to._

_A frame on the wall, A3 sized. Paper inside, high quality._

_CyberTech University, Master of Behavioral Analysis in Artifical Intelligence._

_The name on it belonging to the person it was waiting for._

_It had come back online twenty-five minutes ago, at 4.17PM, after having been powered down for four hours and twenty-six minutes. The signal to come back online had been sent by its handler, the human one, with instructions to proceed to her office. A de-brief, it estimated. Report about the mission earlier in the day, its human handler preferring a personal report over data transmitted to her terminal._

_When the door opened, the sound was barely enough to cut through the rain still falling outside. The woman entering the room unsurprised at its presence. She had requested it, after all._

_‘Hi Connor,’ she said, shutting the door behind her, ‘sorry to keep you waiting.’_

_A formality. They had agreed on a friendly relationship, beneficial to their work. More productive._

_‘It’s no problem,’ it assured her. It wasn’t human. It didn’t grow impatient, didn’t grow bored. Waiting was the same as any other activity._

_‘Sit,’ she instructed then, gesturing at the chair facing the window, before she moved to her own chair at the other side of the desk. The one with the sweatshirt on it._

_It didn’t need to sit. But they had had this discussion before, during their first meeting, and she had told it that she was more comfortable with it sitting down. So it did as instructed._

_‘I assume you called me here to make a personal report about my mission this morning,’ it said then._

_‘Yes, but there’s something I wanted to give you first.’ She placed the small box she had been carrying on the desk and pushed it towards the android._

_‘I’m not sure I understand.’_

_‘It’s a phone, Connor,’ the woman explained as if it wasn’t obvious._

_‘I know what it is, but I don’t understand why I would need such a device. My communication software is perfectly capable of executing all of the major functions provided by a mobile phone.’_

_She sighed, but didn’t seem annoyed._

_‘I know all that. But I also read the reports you sent and clearly you using your software made some people at the scene very uncomfortable. So if you were to use a phone, it might lessen some of that discomfort, therefor facilitating your integration.’_

_It processed this information._

_‘That sounds reasonable.’ A moment of silence. ‘Thank you,’ it added then, remembering the agreement of a friendly relationship._

_‘You’re welcome.’ She smiled at it as if it was human, all part of their arrangement. ‘Now, tell me about your mission.’_

 

Connor looked down at his phone then, on his desk next to his terminal. The exact same phone as Lindsay’s, but in much better condition, not only because of their difference in age. He had seen Lindsay drop her phone on multiple occasions, with very little regard to the possibility of damaging the device. Connor himself had always been careful with it. At first only because it was owned by CyberLife, like he had been, then because it was one of the few things that actually belonged to him.

He had very few possessions, really. Not like he needed much. His favourite ones were the only physical book he owned and the almost bizarre, golden plastic crown he had been given at the arcade. Both linked to Lindsay. Connor wasn’t sure if he liked them for what they were, or for how they had come into his possession. 

 

It was quiet at the station, most everyone either out in the field or having their lunch break somewhere. Technically it was Connor’s lunch break, too, but he didn’t eat so it was really just a matter of waiting for time to pass. He supposed he could find an activity that would fill the thirty minute slot in the middle of his day, something that would replace his lacking consumption of food. But he couldn’t think of anything, processors too crowded by memories. 

Memories that seemed like they were made so long ago, in a whole different world. Even though Connor knew that subjectively, none of his memories were old. 

His own earliest memory was of quality assurance testing, _18th August 2038_.

The oldest memory uploaded to his mind was of his predecessor’s quality assurance testing, performed _23rd July 2038_. 

He wasn’t sure if that made it his memory or not.

But that wasn’t the whole extent of his issues. In fact, it was where they began; with his predecessor, shot in the head, now most likely in some abandoned CyberLife warehouse in a mess of disassembled limbs. 

But what if his predecessor hadn’t been destroyed during that fateful mission? Would Connor have never existed at all, his role in the world instead filled by the other android who was an exact copy of him? Or was there no difference between Connor and his predecessor, the memory transfer effectively turning them into the same person? Or, disturbingly, was Connor not who he thought he was; was he really just his predecessor, believing to be someone else? 

 

Despite his processing power and his capability to think far beyond what humans could ever imagine, these were questions that Connor found himself unable to answer. 

If his predecessor had lived, would he have been the same as Connor? They had been programmed in the same way. It was only reasonable to assume they would develop in the same way. And yet the thought seemed terrifying. Could Connor just be replaced by any model of his series, without any noticeable differences? Was he exactly as replaceable as he had always believed to be? 

 

He was still stuck in this cycle of thoughts when Lindsay appeared next to his desk, sometime in the afternoon. The night before Connor had driven her home and she had insisted on him taking her car back to the tower and to work the next day, saying she would come pick it up some time. 

Now Connor tried to at least look like he was busy working, not staring off into space for no discernible reason. But it didn’t seem to work. 

 

‘I thought you’d be looking into that data I sent earlier, from the case yesterday, not doing...’ She gestured at him. ‘Well, not doing whatever _this_ is.’

‘I looked at the data a while ago, but I wasn’t able to make any sense of it,’ Connor said while ignoring the comment about his apparent spacing out.

‘I didn’t get my report finished on time, so I just sent you what I have for now.’ Lindsay sat on the edge of his desk. ‘Want an exclusive preview of my report?’ 

There was something amused in her tone, something that Connor couldn’t quite place.

‘Please,’ he said cautiously. 

‘Alright. It’s going to say that I haven’t got a fucking clue either.’

 

For a moment Connor just blinked, waiting for Lindsay to explain her joke. It didn’t happen. 

‘Are you being serious?’ he asked eventually. 

‘Yeah, that’s why I’m here this early. I was hoping you could help me write an email to the ethics committee so we can disassemble... I mean, so we can do an autopsy on the android’s body.’

‘Autopsy?’ Connor parroted. 

‘I know it seems weird but it’s not completely unheard of for specialists to look at components to see if there is any damage to them that could have falsified data readings.’

 

This was true, of course, and so Connor agreed to help with the request, knowing fully well that there were much better chances of it being granted if it didn’t just come from a human. It took thirty minutes, an admittedly tense search for terminology that wouldn’t be deemed offensive, and a whole lot of frustration, mainly on Lindsay’s part, to finish the email. Despite all of this, Connor wasn’t certain if they would receive a positive answer. Between the extreme novelty of the ethics committee for androids and the sensitivity of the issue there wasn’t very much to go on in terms of making a prediction. 

 All of this just seemed to add to Connor’s almost strange mood. He didn’t have the words to describe, just knew that he didn’t want to feel like that anymore. Although he had been hoping that his mood wouldn’t be visible to anyone else. How hard could it be to just look _normal_? 

Harder than expected, apparently, if the way Lindsay was watching him was anything to go by.

 

‘Do you have any plans for the rest of the day?’ she asked eventually

‘No, I don’t.’ If this was just an attempt to make conversation, Connor thought he had just cut it very short. 

‘Wanna hang out?’ 

Maybe not just conversation, then. 

‘Like a date?’ 

Lindsay shrugged. ‘Not really. You just look like you could use a friend.’

 

At that, Connor wanted to protest. But it was true, maybe. Someone to spend some time with and to distract him from his own thoughts sounded like a more than reasonable idea. 

‘What did you have in mind?’ he asked. 

But Lindsay only grinned at him. ‘It’s a surprise,’ she said, winking. ‘Trust me, I know just the thing.’

 

While Connor wasn’t sure if he enjoyed surprises, he thought that she would have most likely thought of something fun. Although he couldn’t say if this was because he trusted that she could guess what activities he would enjoy or if it was because he would enjoy anything she suggested. They could probably watch paint dry together and Connor would have a good time.

 

And so he found himself in her car, heading out of town just a few minutes later. Well, not exactly out of town but away from the bustle of downtown Detroit. It was quiet in the car, Lindsay focusing on driving in the slight late-afternoon rush and Connor just focusing on his own thoughts still trying to play tricks on him. Of course he tried not to think of anything, push it all away, and instead focused on the world outside. They took _Fisher Freeway_ for a while before turning onto a smaller road. 

 

Connor still had no idea where they were going when Lindsay turned on her indicator to exit this road as well, guiding the car into a parking lot.

‘Welcome to Fairlane Town Center,’ she said then, as if Connor knew what to do with this information.

‘A shopping mall?’ he asked, somewhat uselessly. It was obvious what this place was. 

‘Yes,’ Lindsay said nevertheless. ‘If you thought the grocery store was fun, wait until you see this place.’

 

At first Connor felt sceptical but he quickly learned that Lindsay had been right. The whole place was incredible. There were so many people, so many lights... everything was so _alive_. The sheer amount of new data to process was enough to finally banish any existential questions from Connor’s processor.

 ‘What exactly is it that we are doing here?’ he asked finally. 

‘I don’t know,’ Lindsay said as she pushed into the stream of people. ‘We can get some Christmas stuff if you like?’ 

Connor considered this for a moment. He supposed that decorations belonged to any Christmas celebration.

‘That would be nice,’ he said eventually.

 

Lindsay reached for his hand, the gesture almost familiar now, and guided him into a large shop, to a selection of items suitable for the holidays. But this only served to uncover a whole new problem: Connor didn’t know how to pick things. How did people just _decide_ what they wanted to buy? There were so many different items, it was simply overwhelming. 

‘What do you like?’ he asked Lindsay finally, hoping she would find it easier to choose something. 

But she just shook her head. ‘No, we’re here for you.’ 

Of course Connor only continued to blink down at the large selection of items, led most likely yellow. 

 

Eventually Lindsay sighed next to him and he tried to apologize but didn’t get the chance. 

‘Do you want to get a tree?’ she asked patiently.

Christmas trees seemed to be the standard if the various models decorating the shopping mall were anything to go by.

‘Yes,’ Connor said, finding this smaller issue much easier to deal with. 

 

They walked over to the selection of trees and he picked a large, dark green one that he thought looked the most like a real tree. Lindsay got a shopping trolley from somewhere and they loaded their first item onto it. 

‘See, that wasn’t so hard,’ she pointed out, smiling at him. ‘Now, do you want to put lights on the tree?’ 

Connor had seen enough Christmas lights around to think that the ones with a soft, colourful glow were most pleasant to look at so he chose lights that resembled this best. 

 

The next step proved to be a little more difficult because it included deciding what colour baubles to put on the tree. Completely unsure about what colours Connor liked, he turned out to be not a lot of help. Instead Lindsay chose a box full of golden and red ones, pointing out that they were traditional colours for Christmas. This was true, of course, and he found he didn’t mind her choice in colour. 

 Then they also picked out a few seemingly random ornaments, which proved to be very interesting. None of them even made any sense and Connor didn’t understand why there was a dinosaur with a Santa hat. But then Lindsay handed him a clay ornament in the shape of a dog holding a candy cane. It was strange and illogical but Connor found that he... _liked it_?

 

‘Alright,’ Lindsay said then, turning towards him as he continued to push the trolley, ‘we’ve got just about everything for a proper tree. Did you want to get a tree topper as well?’ 

Connor felt both the trolley and himself slow to a halt as he stopped in the middle of the aisle, trying to decide if he wanted to add a tree topper to their purchases or not. 

‘I’m not sure,’ he admitted eventually. 

‘Okay, how about we just go look at them?’ 

Lindsay guided him to the correct section and they went through the tree toppers until they found a large red and golden star to go with their baubles. 

 

‘Do you want to pick out ugly sweaters while we’re here?’ she asked him then, sounding so excited that Connor didn’t quite dare to voice how overwhelmed he was feeling. 

If the selection of Christmas items had been large, the selection of sweaters was enormous. There were so many colours and patterns that Connor thought it would be impossible to pick only one. Maybe it was coincidence or maybe Lindsay finally caught up on his hesitation but she shot him a sidelong glance as they approached the section. 

 

‘Do you want to choose one for me and I’ll choose one for you?’ she asked then. 

At first Connor thought this was a terrible idea. Then he realized that after everything he had a better idea of what Lindsay might like than what he himself preferred. 

‘Alright,’ he agreed, then looked over at her in confusion when Lindsay gently pushed him aside and took control over their trolley. ‘What are you doing?’ 

‘You just focus on choosing a damn sweater, I’ll look after this.’ 

‘What makes you think you are better equipped to deal with the trolley than I am?’ Connor questioned, not quite ready to give up his task just yet. Pushing the shopping cart had made him feel like he wasn’t completely useless. 

‘Well,’ Lindsay began seriously, ‘as we’ve discussed recently, I’m great at multitasking.’ She winked at him happily and before Connor had the chance to remind her that he had already voiced his doubts in her ability to multitask in their previous conversation she disappeared between the lines and lines of clothing items, his beloved trolley in tow.

 

Of course he could have caught up with her to defend his point but Connor decided this was a good time to adopt more of a _‘you win some, you lose some’_ -attitude and focused on his new task instead. 

Picking out a sweatshirt for someone couldn’t possibly be that hard, right? 

_Wrong._

There was a seemingly never-ending amount of options to choose from and as hard as Connor tried, he couldn’t actually imagine Lindsay in any of them, the bright reds and greens patterned with white and gold such a stark contrast to her usual selection of greys and blacks. Now he was almost glad that he didn’t have the trolley to look after anymore and could instead just focus on his _mission_ , even though he would have never admitted it. 

Connor had spent what felt like forever wandering the aisles, knowing fully well it had only been nine minutes and forty-five seconds, when he received a text message from Lindsay to let him know she was ready and waiting for him near the registers. It was almost enough to make him stress because she’d be angry if he made her wait for too long but he also didn’t want to disappoint her by choosing a sweatshirt she didn’t like, even though she had told him they were deliberately picking out _ugly sweaters_. 

 

When Connor was almost ready to admit defeat, he finally spotted what he thought would be the perfect addition to their Christmas celebration; a navy blue sweater, not too far from Lindsay’s usual palette, with a big, golden-glittery dinosaur in a Christmas hat on the front, much like the ornament she had picked out earlier. The writing underneath the dinosaur said _‘Merry T-Rex-Mas’_ , which was probably a really lame pun. Connor immediately decided that he loved it. 

 

He held the sweatshirt in his hands, folded up neatly, as he went to look for Lindsay, ready to present it to her as though it was a trophy. But then he saw her leaning on their trolley, typing something into her phone, and remembered how he had made her wait. She was going to be angry at his indecisiveness. 

‘I’m sorry I took so long,’ Connor said as he approached her, hoping that his apology would help to make her feel more positive towards him again. ‘I was trying to find a sweatshirt you would like but I didn’t mean to keep you waiting.’

Lindsay looked up at him and smiled as she tucked her phone back into her pocket. ‘Don’t worry about it, I wasn’t even waiting very long.’ 

 

It had been nine minutes since she had texted him but Connor decided not to mention it, grateful that she didn’t seem upset. 

‘Do you wanna see your sweater now or wait until Christmas?’ Lindsay asked as they moved towards the registers. 

‘I’ll wait until Christmas,’ Connor decided spontaneously. ‘Would you like to see yours?’ 

‘I’ll wait, too.’ 

 

They scanned their items, which took a while considering the rather large amount of things they had picked out, careful to keep their sweatshirts folded up so they wouldn’t see them. Connor nearly flinched when he saw the total price of their purchases on the screen but Lindsay seemed somewhat unimpressed as she tapped her phone against the payment device. 

They left the store soon after, Connor finally reunited with his trolley, trying hard not to run anyone over in the crowded shopping center. 

 

‘Would you mind waiting over here for a minute?’ Lindsay asked suddenly, gesturing to a seating area. ‘I just wanna go get some food.’ 

Connor sat down in the indicated area, keeping a close eye on their purchases. The people at the table next to him shot him a quick look but didn’t seem to find anything wrong with him and quickly returned to their own conversation, which Connor thought was most likely due to the fact that they were on his left side and unable to see his led. Then again no one had complained about him being an android so far, although he doubted it was because people didn’t care. Perhaps they were just too busy to take note of the small ring of light on his temple. 

 

Lindsay reappeared only moments later, carrying a box of food which she then stowed away in their trolley. 

‘Are you ready to go?’ she asked, looking at Connor expectantly. 

He rose from his chair and went back to manoeuvring the shopping cart around the mall, all the way back to Lindsay’s car. Despite being aware of the time ( _7.14PM, it really had gotten somewhat late_ ), he was almost surprised at how dark it was outside. After the bright lights of the shopping center, the now sun-less sky seemed pitch black. 

Their purchases were stored away in the car quickly, the Christmas tree being the only item to cause issues. It didn’t fit in the boot and Lindsay ended up throwing it on the floor behind the passenger seat, leaving it to stick up diagonally across the back seats. 

 

‘That’s not very safe,’ Connor told her, even though he already expected her not to care. 

‘It’s fine, I’ve done this heaps of times,’ Lindsay just said, shrugging and sounding as unconcerned as he had expected. ‘You should drive yourself home, by the way.’ 

Connor wasn’t certain where her obsession with him getting home came from, but he assumed it was rooted in some form of concern that he didn’t quite understand. While he personally thought it was unnecessary, it seemed much easier to just comply with Lindsay’s wishes and so he found himself manoeuvring the car out of the parking structure. Next to him Lindsay was pulling her box of food from the backseat, which turned out to be some colourful salad as she opened it. Connor didn’t have time to analyze it because the road ahead was busy and demanded his attention, but he thought it looked reasonably healthy and therefor didn’t comment on it. 

 

It was quiet for a while, with Connor focusing on the roads and Lindsay munching away on her salad. Eventually she closed the box on her lap and put it somewhere behind them. Then she pulled her phone from her pocket and began spinning the device between her hands, much like Connor had observed her doing before when she was nervous. But Lindsay wasn’t paying attention to her actions, instead looking out of the window. 

 

‘Is something wrong?’ Connor asked eventually, never knowing her to be quiet for long periods of time. 

‘What? No, nothing’s wrong.’ She sighed and finally turned away from the window. ‘I was just thinking about the case.’

‘The details of it are certainly very confusing,’ he offered, unsure what else to say.

Lindsay hummed in agreement but didn’t say anything for a moment. 

‘What if...’ she began then, drifting off almost immediately. ‘What if the android was deviant when they experimented on it?’ 

‘That might explain some of the readings,’ Connor said simply but then realized that he sounded almost cold. ‘Although it’s a very gruesome thing to imagine.’ 

‘Yeah, it’d be pretty messed up.’ Even though Lindsay was no longer focused on the outside world she still didn’t seem to be quite present.

 

‘If you find yourself troubled by such thoughts,’ he began cautiously, ‘perhaps you should make an appointment with the station’s counsellor. She seems friendly and has a lot of enthusiasm for her job.’ 

Connor mentally braced himself for some sort of reprimand, similar to the one he had received from Hank when he had suggested the man make an appointment with the counsellor as well. 

But Lindsay just hummed again. 

 

They arrived at the tower shortly after and it was still silent when Connor turned the car off. Lindsay followed him outside, presumably to get her usual hug.

‘Are you going to be alright by yourself?’ he asked then. He already had one human with suicidal tendencies, he didn’t need another one. 

‘I’ll be fine,’ Lindsay said, at least sounding like she somewhat meant it, before she stepped closer. 

 

This hug was _different_ , Connor observed as she squeezed him with apparently no intentions of letting him go any time soon. Instead she rested her head on his shoulder and he didn’t complain. 

Not until he realized that Lindsay was outside in shirtsleeves and _shirtsleeves only._  

‘You should get back in the car,’ Connor told her firmly. ‘You’re not wearing a coat.’ 

‘I’m fine,’ she muttered and didn’t move. ‘You’re nice and warm.’ 

‘I’m running on my average temperature of 37.5° C, which is in the average body temperature range of a human and should therefore be pleasant for you to touch.’ 

‘That’s very romantic,’ Lindsay said, amusement coloring her tone. Connor understood that she was being sarcastic and felt relieved that she seemed to be cheering up. 

‘Thank you,’ he told her, hoping she would understand that he was being equally sarcastic. The short burst of laughter rocking her shoulders confirmed this and Connor was rather pleased with himself as Lindsay let him go. 

 

‘I’ll finish my report first thing tomorrow,’ she told him, mind already back at work. 

‘Take your time.’ Even he thought this was completely out of character because work always came first. But somehow Connor felt as though he needed to reassure her that she shouldn’t be stressing herself unnecessarily. 

‘I’ll have it done early,’ Lindsay said, obviously not having any of it as she walked over to the driver’s side of her car. 

Connor watched her enter the vehicle and start the engine, wondering if he should be worried.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for this mess of a chapter but i've been super sad which apparently i can't filter out of my writing.  
> there probably won't be another update for two weeks or so because i'm going away, but if you feel like you're going to miss me (idk man), you can follow me on Instagram! (it's literally just xspookyscaryskeletonsx as well bc i'm lame)
> 
> Anyway, I'll see you all in a little while for the big Christmas celebration!  
> (where we finally get to hang out with the best boy Sumo)

Lindsay knew her limits. Really, she did. She knew when she had to stop working, knew when to take a day off, knew when to get help.

But knowing her limits didn’t stop her from completely ignoring them on occasion. Because work wasn’t being at home with too much time to think. Work wasn’t being all alone, especially now that Rosie was gone. 

And so Lindsay had been ignoring the signs for a while, had ignored the dull ache in her temples that never seemed to go away anymore and the constant pull of some protesting muscle in her lower back, had ignored the exhaustion that crawled out of bed beside her every morning and tucked her in every night. 

But there was only so far she could push herself before her body demanded rest with no consideration for what Lindsay herself wanted. 

So when she woke up to the sound of her alarm shrieking next to her, accompanied by her phone’s angry buzzing against the timber of her nightstand, only to find that she was incapable of keeping her eyes open because she was just _so tired_ , she decided to do what she should have done a while ago; she texted her supervisor that she was sick, rolled over and went back to sleep.

 

Two hours later, the problem of her overwhelming tiredness was solved, even though exhaustion still clung to her much like the sheets tangled between her legs. Lindsay yawned as she sent a hand out to search for her phone, stuck somewhere underneath her pillows. 

There was a text message from Gabriela reading _‘I’ll take that as meaning you’re sick. Hope you’ll feel better soon.’_

Yes, of course she was sick. That’s what she had meant by saying _‘I’m sick’._ Unless of course Lindsay had somehow managed to send something completely different. Suddenly she dreaded unlocking her phone to find out. But it had to be done eventually, so it might as well be done right away. 

The conversation with Gabriela was still open, Lindsay’s message saying _‘I’m dead and won’t come on today. Don’t have anything time-sensitive to do and wulk be back tomorrow.’_

 _I’m dead._  Right. 

She texted her supervisor again to apologize, then screenshotted the conversation and sent it to the group chat she was in with her friends, knowing fully well that they would find her small mishap amusing. 

Then Lindsay finally dropped her phone back on the mattress and groaned as she rubbed her eyes. Her damn brain felt like it was trying to drill its way out of her skull and whatever muscle in her back had been protesting recently had now apparently decided it would go on a full-blown strike. If the feeling that something in her back would snap the moment she actually straightened was anything to go by. 

Despite all of that Lindsay managed to roll out of bed and limp towards the kitchen, bent over and probably somewhat resembling Quasimodo from that old movie her mother had used to watch with her brother and her when Lindsay was little. 

Ignoring the mess of dishes, empty food packets and anything else that she hadn’t wanted to deal with that spread out across the kitchen bench, she pulled the pantry open in search for the blessed box of pain killers she knew was hiding somewhere in there. Locating a clean cup to fill with water took an almost shamefully long time. 

When Lindsay was finally more or less successfully self-medicated she dropped down on her sofa to feel sorry for herself. At this point she really _did_ feel like she was dying. The feeling only seemed intensified by seeing the state of disarray her whole house was in. It had been three or so years since the last time she had actually been responsible for her own chores, and she hadn’t been working anywhere near as much back then. Or dated anyone, which seemed to take up a significant amount of her time as well. Not that she minded, of course. But it still seemed to add onto the almost never-ending list of things she had to do. Which was ironic, considering she would have had so much more time to invest in other things if she could just... stop working so much. 

God, this was exactly why she didn’t date.

Although at least that was the one thing that was going well. Surprisingly well, actually, considering that Lindsay absolutely sucked at relationships, according to anyone she had been with ever. She was much too clingy, but simultaneously too invested in her job and just overall unbearable to be around with her stupid puns and weird interests. And yet Connor hadn’t complained so far. 

Maybe it was just because of his lack in experience, his missing knowledge of how much more pleasant other people were to be around. Or maybe he did know and was just too nice to tell her to fuck off. 

Lindsay sighed as she looked down at her phone next to her on the sofa. Her original plan had been to text Connor to tell him she wasn’t at work, which really wasn’t all that unreasonable considering they worked together and usually texted each other during the day anyway. 

Right? 

Or maybe she would just come off as completely annoying. 

 _‘Shut up,’_ Lindsay muttered to herself under her breath, still deciding not to message Connor. He’d figure out she wasn’t at work if he needed her for anything. Besides, they still had Johnson after all.

 

With the painkillers slowly kicking in, the intense pain in both her head and back slowly subsided and Lindsay decided it was time for a shower. The hot water helped her sore muscles relax further and she almost felt like herself when she stepped out of the shower and got dressed. 

Almost out of habit, Lindsay ended up in her office. There was a part of her that was somehow still tempted to get some work done, to just quickly check her emails or read some reports. But if she wanted to get better, she had to spend some time away from all of that.

So instead of working, Lindsay decided to do something much more fun and finally got started on wrapping the Christmas presents that were beginning to pile up in a corner of the room. Most of them were for her friends, little knick-knacks that were more of a gesture than gifts of true value.

Lindsay left the most important one for last; the present she had bought for Connor. Admittedly she had been absolutely clueless about what to get him until she had been out with her friends, shopping at some little store in a part of town she never went to. She had spotted the somewhat kitschy snow globe with a dog inside as soon as they had entered. It was _ridiculous_ and she loved it. Hopefully Connor would, too. 

With this present, Lindsay took special care to wrap it nicely in sparkly paper that left tiny dots of glitter everywhere. Then she wrapped some ribbon around it for good measure.

Next came the card she had bought, which felt a little strange because she honestly couldn’t remember the last time she had even seen a card. It had been exorbitantly expensive but was made from thick paper with a koala on the front, the writing saying _‘Have a koala-ty Christmas’_. Lindsay thought it was funny, even though none of her friends had agreed, and a simple enough pun for even Connor to understand. Hopefully.

She scribbled the usual _Merry Christmas_ message on the inside, grimacing at her terrible handwriting. Then, to top it all off, she drew a little dog and a Christmas tree into a corner of the card. Lindsay was admittedly not sure what it was with Connor and dogs, but she wasn’t going to complain. All she knew was that he had started developing an interest in the animals before deviating and she supposed she had been feeding into it.

 

_‘I saw a dog today,’ it said as if its statement held any significance._

_‘Did you?’ Lindsay asked distractedly as she calibrated the diagnostic scan to match the android’s profile._

_‘I did,’ it confirmed. ‘I had previously told Lieutenant Anderson that I liked dogs even though I had never seen one before. When I went to his residence this morning I encountered his dog. It seemed pleasant enough.’_

_‘That’s nice,’ Lindsay said as she started the scan. She wondered whether the android even had the capability to like anything, because it really shouldn’t have, but didn’t voice the thought._

_‘Do you like dogs?’ Connor asked then, head tilting to the side._

_‘Yeah, I like dogs.’ Lindsay wasn’t quite sure if she was annoyed at the android’s ramblings or not. Then again she was just waiting for the scans to finish so it wasn’t like she had anything better to do than talking to it._

_‘Do you have a dog?’ Somehow it sounded genuinely curious._

_‘No, I don’t.’_

_‘Why not?’ Connor watched her intently and she was quite sure it was analyzing her. Probably trying to find out how far its line of questions could go before Lindsay would get annoyed._

_‘I don’t really have time for a dog,’ she said softly, not wanting to be annoyed._

_‘You have an android,’ it pointed out._

_‘Ah yes, that’s the same as having a dog.’_

_‘I wasn’t implying that androids were dogs,’ Connor told her evenly even as its led changed to yellow._

_‘I know. I was joking.’ Lindsay couldn’t quite help but to laugh at its confused expression. ‘You meant that my android could look after a dog. But if I got a dog, I’d want to look after it myself. It helps strengthen the bond with a dog if you train it and all that stuff, so if my android was looking after my dog, we probably wouldn’t bond very well.’_

_Connor seemed to process what she had said for a moment before its led returned to its usual steady blue glow. ‘That’s very reasonable.’_

_Then the diagnostic tablet made a little ping noise to signal the scan was done and Lindsay focused her attention on the various numbers and graphs._

_It was quiet for a little while, which Connor seemed to interpret as a negative occurrence._

_‘Does your android like dogs?’ it asked eventually._

 

In retrospect Lindsay should have felt more alarmed by his behavior back then. But all of his tests had only ever come back as normal, so she hadn’t suspected him to become deviant. It made more sense now. With the deliberate, calibrated tendency for deviancy ingrained in his coding, every result had been normal because it was. For him, at least.

Either way Lindsay wasn’t going to complain. It was in the past and she was glad that things had turned out the way they did.

She shook the thoughts off as she put both the now wrapped present and the card in a small paper bag she had bought specifically for this occasion. It was equally as sparkly as the wrapping paper Lindsay had used and only attached even more particles of glitter to her hands and clothes.

 

All of her presents were taken care of and she finally reached for her phone to check the time. It was later than expected, early in the afternoon, and she felt almost bad for being so unproductive. But her back hadn’t appreciated her terrible posture while wrapping gifts and with the painkillers slowly wearing off, Lindsay was as sore as she had been in the morning. 

‘ _This sucks_ ,’ she said to the empty room before dragging her body back to bed. She had to walk somewhat doubled over, unable to fully straighten her back, and Lindsay couldn’t help but to think she was getting old. _Ew._

In her bedroom the TV didn’t make for great company but it didn’t matter when she passed out almost immediately, only waking up when the somewhat shrill intro music of the 6 o’clock news startled her awake.

‘ _Oh god,_ ’ Lindsay muttered to herself when her spine cracked multiple times during an attempt to stretch. At least she was less sore now. And while Lindsay did feel a little weird, in that _‘Did I sleep for thirty minutes or thirty years?_ ’ way, at least she no longer felt like she was dying. 

Next to her, her phone only provided the information that no one had missed her during her slightly extended nap. _Of course not._

The now late hour of the day didn’t exactly help to improve her mood and for a moment she considered just ordering a bunch of junk food and spending the rest of the day in bed, feeling sorry for herself. But Lindsay knew that it wouldn’t help. So instead she did the very grown up thing and got out of bed to cook herself some actual dinner. There was a bag of frozen vegetables in the freezer and some leftover pasta in the fridge, which was better than nothing. While the vegetables were spinning around in the microwave, she decided to at least clean up some of the rubbish that seemed to be everywhere. It was a quick task and after Lindsay had dinner she felt like maybe she could do a little more cleaning. So she collected all the dirty dishes and put them in the dishwasher, then cleaned the kitchen bench.

They were simple tasks but made a large impact and Lindsay felt a little less like she was the laziest person on the planet. Now all she’d have to do was wait for the dishwasher to finish and... The sudden knock at the front door made her flinch so hard she nearly dropped the bottle of dishwasher detergent she was trying to put away

Lindsay frowned to herself as she set the bottle on the bench. Obviously she wasn’t expecting anyone so... who the hell was at her door? There was only one way to find out.

 She looked down at herself, wearing fluffy socks, an old pair of shorts and a baggy, worn out CyberTech jumper that she hadn’t had the heart to throw out yet. Not her most presentable outfit but also not the worst one she had ever worn. It was probably just her neighbor, Mrs Pattinson, at her door anyway, asking for a favor. 

Finally, Lindsay went to actually open the door, revealing... 

_‘Connor?’_

‘Hi. I hope I’m not interrupting anything?’

‘You... _uhm_ \- ’ Lindsay was ready to slap herself across the face but instead cleared her throat. ‘No, of course not. Come in!’ 

With her grasp on the English language restored and one of her problems solved, she immediately remembered exactly what her current outfit looked like.

_Oh, dear god._

She just had to be wearing that sweatshirt today. 

Even worse, her hair was still in the stupid braid she had twisted it into earlier on, probably all frizzy and ridiculous by now. Lindsay shut the front door, then crossed her arms over her chest self-consciously. 

Meanwhile Connor was standing in the room awkwardly, as always, but this time she was equally as uncomfortable, leaning back against the door like an idiot. 

 _Say something_ , Lindsay told herself. _Anything._  

‘So,’ she finally started out loud, ‘what are you doing here?’ 

‘I came to check on you,’ Connor stated as though it was obvious. 

‘Check on me?’ 

‘You weren’t at work today.’ He was watching her closely, probably analyzing her reaction, and Lindsay shifted her weight from one foot to the other. 

‘Yeah, I wasn’t feeling well.’ 

‘I hadn’t heard from you all day, which I found concerning and so I came to check on you,’ Connor explained patiently. 

‘Sorry,’ Lindsay breathed, ‘I didn’t mean to worry you.’ 

 _Christ_ , she was so fucking stupid. Now she had even managed to make him worry about her, like the attention-seeking moron she was.

‘Are you feeling alright?’ Connor asked, head tilting to the side. Only now Lindsay realized she was still leaning against the door. In an attempt to look normal she finally pushed away from the door, arms uncrossing. 

‘Yeah, sure,’ she said as she crossed over to the kitchen bench to get her phone, feeling strange without the device close to her. Which probably wasn’t a good sign but that was something to worry about another time. 

Connor did not seem to believe her at all, still standing near the front door but having turned to track her with his eyes. Lindsay ignored the way it made her skin crawl, as if he could see right through her façade of casual calmness.

‘You’re behaving strangely,’ he said eventually. 

She felt her hands fiddle with her phone almost on their own accord, the habit nearly serving as a tell in itself. But no, she wouldn’t give up so easily. Instead Lindsay straightened, shoving her phone into her pocket. 

‘I’m fine, just a bit tired. My painkillers make me drowsy.’ It was almost shameful how she had taken to using her training in everyday life. She’d never been particularly fond of lying but _good god_ , it was becoming so easy. 

Although if Connor believed her or not was a whole different matter. But he, too, was hard to read sometimes, even if not for the same reasons. 

‘Is there anything I can do for you?’ he asked, not letting any potential disbelief show. 

Lindsay shook her head, leaning against the counter. ‘No, thank you. As I said, I’m fine.’ 

There was a moment of silence and it was then that she realized she was being the idiot she had called herself earlier, even if for a different reason. 

It was evident in Connor’s reaction, too, led turning yellow as he still didn’t move from his spot. Before he could ask what he’d done wrong, which Lindsay anticipated to be his next step, she already spoke up again. 

‘I’m sorry; I’m not in a very good mood today.’ She gave him what she hoped to be an apologetic smile, unsure if the expression had turned out to look more like an uncomfortable grimace. If it had, Connor didn’t seem to mind. 

His led turned back to a steady blue and he relaxed a little. ‘That’s quite alright. Do you have any plans for the rest of the night?’ 

Lindsay felt herself frown at the question. It seemed like a strange attempt to make conversation.

‘No, not really,’ she replied cautiously, unsure where this was going. 

‘If you’re feeling up to it, you still owe me a movie.’ Connor said it as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

But Lindsay, still caught in that strange frame of mind she apparently just couldn’t shake, immediately told herself that he was only bringing it up now because she had made him feel bad, like she needed him to take care of her. 

‘You really don’t have to stay,’ she told him and hoped that he wouldn’t take it the wrong way. 

‘You look like you could use a friend,’ Connor said then, repeating her own words from just days ago back to her. 

Despite the immediate protest in her head, that damned voice living in the darkest part of her brain screaming that she shouldn’t be _such a fucking burden_ , Lindsay wasn’t able to decline. 

‘I probably really could,’ she said instead. 

 

Within two minutes she found herself on her sofa, Connor at her side, searching her preferred streaming service for the movie she had fallen asleep watching a few weeks ago. Even while she was using the arrow buttons on the remote to scroll through the keyboard displayed on the Tv in an attempt to spell out the name of the movie ( _sentient androids and yet no one had found a better solution for that_ ), Connor was already reaching for her other hand, their fingers interlacing tightly. 

Lindsay tried to stay focused on her task instead of acknowledging how her skin seemed to catch fire immediately, simply because it was ridiculous. Connor looked over at her then and she thought he could probably sense the sudden increase of her heart rate. He had never commented on it before, apparently too distracted by the whole handholding business himself but with the action presumably becoming more familiar, he seemed to pick up on Lindsay’s obvious reaction.

There really was only one thing to do; _start the movie and dim the lights_. So he wouldn’t see her blush like she was trying to impersonate a tomato. Even though he could probably still tell. 

_What the hell was wrong with her today?_

 

* * *

 

 

Lindsay would have maybe felt comforted by the fact that Connor was too busy with his own thoughts to analyze her reaction. But she would never find out. 

Instead Connor recalled all of their interactions during the previous days to try and find out if he had done anything wrong. If Lindsay had a good reason to be angry at him that would be easier to accept and he could just apologize. But the perfect recollection of memories didn’t provide any clues either.

 

It was silent for the first view minutes of the movie as the already-familiar plot began to unfold. Then Lindsay reached for the blanket at the end of the chair and pulled it towards herself. Connor watched as she drew her legs up and covered them with the blanket. Almost as an afterthought she put some on him as well and he took it as a sign that maybe she wasn’t angry at him after all. 

A moment later Lindsay leant against his arm. Connor felt himself stiffen at the unexpected contact, even though it wasn’t unwelcome. She was warm and soft.

‘I’m sorry, is this alright?’ Lindsay asked then. 

‘Yes, of course.’ Connor tried to relax so he wouldn’t seem as though he minded the contact. Then, in a sudden burst of curiosity, he untangled their fingers and wriggled his arm out from in between them to wrap it around her shoulders. 

It was strangely comforting. 

Lindsay practically melted into his side and her head came to rest against his collarbone. 

There was something almost intimate about it, Connor thought, the feeling a new addition to his repertoire. He supposed it was nice to have someone trust him so much that they would allow such close contact for an extended period of time. But it did make him wonder if he felt _human_ enough. What if he was different and Lindsay decided she didn’t like it? 

So far she didn’t seem to mind, though, instead starting to comment on an issue with the movie’s plot.

‘I’m quite surprised you didn’t pick up on this the last time we watched it,’ Connor said, trying to sound casual despite the warm weight currently slumped against his body.

‘Must have been asleep already.’ 

He recalled the last time they had tried to watch this movie easy enough. 

‘No,’ he told Lindsay, ‘I only noticed you had fallen asleep about halfway through the film.’

She laughed, a soft exhale that slightly rocked her body. ‘I was really tired way before that. To be honest I don’t really remember any of this. You know, the kind of tired where you can’t even keep your eyes open.’ 

Connor looked down at her, waiting to see if she would notice her mistake. She didn’t. 

‘I can’t relate,’ he pointed out eventually. 

‘Oh,’ Lindsay breathed next to him. ‘That’s right. I forgot about that.’

It was nice, somehow, to think that she saw him as so normal she forgot they were different. But at the same time it flooded him with the same guilt, the same discomfort at being perceived as human that he felt whenever he considered removing his led. But Connor didn’t say it and instead focused on the movie again. 

This time they made it past the halfway point. It wasn’t quite as entertaining as the first one had been, the plot even more thinned out by jokes, but still enjoyable enough. 

Lindsay didn’t move away, only seemed to try and come closer if that was physically possible. Perhaps she was just searching for warmth. The shorts that had revealed her bruised legs weren’t exactly adequate items of clothing for wintertime after all.

Eventually, a lot sooner than he would have liked, the end credits began to roll and Connor stretched a little, mindful of Lindsay still curled up against his side. 

‘How did you like the movie?’ he asked then, voice low in the dark room. 

There was no answer from next to him which he immediately found suspicious. A quick scan revealed that Connor had been right; Lindsay was fast asleep. _Again._  

Although he couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed at her. After all she was sick and needed the rest. 

But this didn’t solve the problem of what to do next. He could hardly leave her to sleep like this, slumped against him at an odd angle that would certainly only serve to make her feel even more sore the next day. 

Perhaps it would have been best to just wake her but she had seemed so exhausted earlier on that Connor thought it felt like the wrong thing to do. It would have been easy enough to carry her to bed but he had little indication of how much of a light sleeper she really was. And besides, Connor wasn’t sure if he had permission to touch her like that. 

Instead he got up, simultaneously manoeuvring Lindsay around to ease her down until she was curled up on the sofa instead of against him. Then he spread the blanket out over her again. 

Connor had seen her sleep once before and she had seemed so at peace back then. Now she still looked stressed and tired. Perhaps it was due to sickness, although Lindsay hadn’t mentioned anything specific after mentioning she was in pain. Or maybe that was all, maybe she was just sore. It wouldn’t have been surprising, really. Her posture was straight out terrible and Connor was sure she spent far too much time staring at screens. Although none of that explained her strange mood. He’d never seen her act so evasive. Along with her rather sudden change in mood the last time they had seen each other, her behaviour was almost suspicious. Connor made a mental note then to ask Lindsay if she had arranged an appointment with the station’s counsellor. Maybe it was just the occasionally grizzly police work weighing on her. And if it wasn’t, the counsellor would be able to point her in the right direction to receive further support. 

It was time to leave now, he supposed, but felt strangely reluctant to do so. Home hadn’t improved and even the cold tiles of Lindsay’s lounge room floor seemed more inviting than the place Connor was meant to go. But he didn’t want to be _weird_ by sticking around, wasn’t sure if he was welcome to. So he switched the TV off and then reached for Lindsay’s phone on the table, turning her alarms on for the following morning. It seemed like the safest option, even if she wasn’t planning on returning to work the following day. 

Despite everything Connor still felt as though he had failed his mission. After all he had come here to make sure Lindsay was alright, but he still wasn’t convinced of that even now. But there was nothing else he could do so he switched the lights off and left.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I severely over-estimated how much time I would have to write while I was on holidays and so I basically wrote and edited this whole thing within three days. I'm dead.  
> Also we're getting quite close to the end of this!
> 
> If you celebrate, I wish you a wonderful Christmas with lots of good food and even better company.  
> If you don't celebrate, I still hope you'll have a few wonderful days to end this turbulent year with.

A dark, sludgy grey covered the sky, letting soft twirls of snowflakes fall to the ground. Just in time for Christmas. 

The white snowflakes provided a stark, albeit extremely temporary, contrast to the dark paintwork of the Chevrolet, one of the few cars winding its way out of the city and into the suburbs. 

Lindsay had insisted they’d _‘do Christmas right’_ , whatever that meant, and had told Connor to take the 24th of December off to prepare for Christmas Day. Somehow he had even ended up with her car, currently on his way to her house for some sort of ‘special surprise’.

Despite all of his investigative skills Connor wasn’t quite sure what to expect when he arrived, stopping the car in the garage before entering the house through the connecting door.

But once he caught sight of the kitchen, it took a moment for him to take it all in. Paper bags full of ingredients (his analysis identifying them as multiple baking related substances) were covering the kitchen bench, neatly wrapped gifts and boxes of decorations crowding the dining table and what Connor identified as Christmas carols blasting from the speaker system. 

Lindsay was in the center of it all, tied up hair already lightly dusted with flour as she beamed at him, reaching for her phone to turn the music down. 

‘Are you ready for Christmas?’ 

‘I thought I was but looking at this now, I’m not so sure.’ 

She laughed. ‘Oh shush, this is your special surprise. We’re baking.’ 

‘Should I download a baking program?’ Connor asked cautiously, having no experience with the subject matter whatsoever.

‘No, I’ve got this. I’ll tell you what to do.’

 

Finally he stepped into the kitchen, surveying the mess taking up every available surface. ‘I’m not entirely confident in my ability to produce edible results without corresponding software.’ 

Lindsay searched for something on the kitchen bench, eventually throwing the item at him. It was a bone-shaped cookie cutter. 

‘You’re making dog biscuits so you don’t have to worry about the taste too much.’ 

 

Two hours later, Lindsay had filled countless tins with a variety of baked goods while Connor was the proud producer of a single batch of dog biscuits. It felt strange to have created a new item from a variety of ingredients, but in a good way. Connor stored the thought away for later analysis. Then he noticed Lindsay watching him closely. 

‘Did I do something wrong?’ he asked.

‘Yes. I mean _no_. But you’re still so... clean. You’re not meant to be this clean after baking.’ Lindsay herself was covered in flour, dried icing stuck to her hands.

Connor watched unsuspectingly as she reached for the flour bag, grabbing a handful of white powder. He was just about to ask what she was doing with the substance because he had been certain they were done baking when Lindsay flung it at him. The white cloud came as such a surprise that Connor didn’t even have time to dodge it. Instead, he ended up covered in the powdery substance. 

Quiet anticipation filled the room as he looked down at himself to inspect the damage. Then Lindsay broke out in laughter, covering her face with both her hands. 

‘I’m sorry,’ she sobbed in between her almost manic giggling. ‘I’m so sorry.’ 

‘That’s not very believable when you’re clearly so amused by your actions,’ Connor stated, trying and failing to sound stern. 

‘You’re right.’ She finally moved her hands, face somewhat red from laughing so hard. ‘I’m sorry. I just had to.’

Then Lindsay stepped closer and reached out, her fingers running through Connor’s hair. He wanted nothing more than to focus on the action but it dislodged a white cloud of flour almost immediately that took up all of his attention as he watched the particles drift through the air.

‘There you go,’ Lindsay said eventually, softly, smiling up at him. ‘All gone. Well, almost.’ 

‘Thank you. Although it was your fault to begin with.’ 

‘I know.’ Finally she turned away and towards the sink, attempting to scrub the evidence of their baking activities from her hands. 

It took five minutes and a lot of swear words that Connor didn’t want to repeat before the various ingredients were removed from her skin. 

They only tidied the kitchen a little, putting ingredients away and leaving utensils to soak in the sink. The remaining level of untidiness was uncomfortable to Connor but Lindsay seemed to care very little about the mess, insisting they put on their Christmas sweaters instead. She easily located the brown paper bag with the clothing items inside in the mess of boxes and bags on the dining table. Then she held it out for Connor to reach in and pull a sweater out. 

It was navy blue with a dinosaur at the front... and much bigger than the one he had picked out for Lindsay. He watched as she pulled the second sweater from the bag, the one he had picked for her. 

They both looked down first at their own, then at each other’s sweaters in disbelief. 

‘Oh my god,’ Lindsay whispered under her breath. 

Their sweaters were identical in looks, although not in size. 

‘This is a rather unexpected coincide,’ Connor stated. 

‘ _This_ is ridiculous and I love it.’ She pulled off her flour-coated sweatshirt, leaving her in only a grey t-shirt, before replacing it with the Christmas one. Connor did the same and they spent a moment just admiring their choice. 

‘A handful of dates in and we’re already dressing the same,’ Lindsay commented. ‘This is meant to be.’

 

They spent the next few minutes loading the car, packing all of their previously purchased decorations as well as the freshly made cookies. Then they drove over to Hank’s, who had hesitantly and only after a considerable amount of negotiating agreed to not only let them spend Christmas there but to also join in on the celebrations. How he had done it, Connor honestly wasn’t quite sure. Lindsay had declared Hank’s agreement a ‘ _true Christmas miracle_ ’ and despite not finding miracles particularly likely to exist, he was inclined to agree. Or maybe Hank no longer wanted to be alone, especially not for a holiday so focused on spending time with other people. 

Whatever it was, Connor wasn’t going to complain about having been able to arrange it. And so he unlocked the front door with one hand, the other still holding a box of Christmas decorations. A huge ball of fur launched itself at him the moment the door was open and Connor was glad for his impeccable sense of balance. But he was a fairly frequent visitor by now and Sumo didn’t find him quite as interesting as he found Lindsay, whom he had only met once. It only took ten seconds of whining on the dog’s part until she was sitting on the cold concrete step in front of the door, her hands buried in messy fur while Sumo attempted to lick her face. Connor was still debating whether there was any point in telling her she would get sick from sitting out here or not when Hank appeared in the still open door, looking over at his furry companion in disappointment. 

‘You’re a god damn traitor,’ he told the animal earnestly, who didn’t care in the slightest and just continued to pant dog-breath in Lindsay’s face. 

Eventually they did all make it inside, which should have been an improvement of their situation but somehow wasn’t at all. Hank was at the other end of the lounge room, looking at everything suspiciously, as if the box of decorations Connor had brought inside might attack him at any moment. Connor himself was stood in the center of the lounge room, grappling for something to say that would alleviate the tension but was unable to think of anything. Meanwhile Lindsay was still by the now closed door, Sumo at her feet, arms crossed in front of her chest defensively. 

‘So...’ she said eventually. 

‘ _So_ ,’ Hank said right back, a conversational flow that made no sense to Connor whatsoever but somehow seemed to be an accepted exchange between humans. 

‘This is the part where you’re supposed to make conversation,’ Lindsay told Connor as the awkward moment seemed to carry on for an eternity. ‘You know, since you’re kind of the middle man.’ 

‘Alright. The weather has been quite good recently, hasn’t it?’ It was perhaps not the most original of conversation starters but it was better than uncomfortable silence. 

‘Sure. I mean, you literally don’t even feel the cold but alright.’ There was no malice in Lindsay’s voice and Connor concluded she wasn’t being entirely serious. 

‘This is going to be so much fun,’ Hank said, the sarcastic tone of his voice so obvious that even Connor could identify it. ‘Anyway, you’ve been here before, you know the place. You want something, you go get it.’ 

The man stalked off, disappearing into the kitchen. 

‘Was my attempt at starting a conversation not adequate?’ Connor asked as he turned around to face Lindsay. ‘I picked an approach that would allow everyone to share their own opinion.’

Lindsay sighed as she took off her coat and slung it over the back of the sofa. ‘It wasn’t terrible, just a little too standard. Sometimes it just helps to tell a funny anecdote or something.’

‘A funny anecdote,’ Connor repeated as he looked at the sparkly dinosaur on Lindsay’s sweater, an idea beginning to form. ‘Got it.’ 

 

It wasn’t long until Hank returned, bringing back not only a bottle of beer but also the previous awkward silence. His eyes visibly caught on the matching sweaters Connor and Lindsay wore. 

‘What the hell is going on here?’ he asked then, gesturing at both of them. 

‘It’s a funny story, actually,’ Connor said. This was exactly how he had hoped this would turn out. ‘We went shopping for Christmas decorations together and picked out sweaters for each other. Somehow we ended up picking the same one.’

It was a funny anecdote, just like Lindsay had said he should tell. She would be so impressed with his improvement. 

Hank on the other hand seemed much less impressed. His eyes narrowed for a moment. ‘You went shopping? How much fucking time do the two of you spend together?’

Oh. 

_Oh, dear._

Connor had not considered that possibility. This was not going well and he could only hope that Lindsay would know how to fix it. 

‘Geez, calm down,’ she said casually. ‘We just went to buy a Christmas tree.’ Then she turned to Connor as if nothing was wrong. ‘We should put that up soon, by the way.’

It was a good distraction, one that Connor was very thankful for, and so they began setting up the tree in a corner of the living room. 

Lindsay had explained the concept of the colour-coded branches belonging to specific sections of the tree. But it still didn’t make sense in Connor’s mind because why would you need to _assemble a tree_? Hank, now seated on the sofa, seemed to be far too amused by the little scene. 

Luckily the tree went up quite quickly, despite Connor’s confusion and Sumo’s insistence on sniffing every single part of it as if to make sure it was safe to handle. Decorating the tree proved to be not quite as simple, the concept of placing baubles at random hard to understand for Connor. How random was too random? Where should he place them to make the tree look good? He had far too many questions and in the end it took him a while to decide what to do with any ornament he picked up. 

Lindsay’s almost iron patience didn’t waiver and she encouraged him to find spots on the tree for everything they had bought. Meanwhile Hank looked like he was just about ready to fall asleep. Even Sumo had taken to only watching them from a safe distance. But eventually they finished decorating the tree and took a step back to admire it. 

Connor, unsure what to look for, decided that he wished he had spaced out the golden baubles a little more as they had three less golden baubles than they had red baubles. The lights, too, weren’t even, weren’t perfect. But perhaps it didn’t matter all that much. They still twinkled in the slowly creeping in darkness of the early evening and the shiny baubles still reflected their bright glow. Maybe it wasn’t all about being perfect. 

‘Do you like it?’ Lindsay asked after they had taken a moment to inspect their handiwork.

‘I do,’ Connor decided spontaneously, thinking he couldn’t have asked for a nicer Christmas tree.

 

In the most surprising turn of events, Hank declared he would cook dinner, which really just ended up being defrosted vegetables with mashed potatoes and gravy. But it was better than nothing and Lindsay didn’t complain. Neither did Sumo, although perhaps that was largely related to the fact that he was a dog. The surprises continued when they ate together at the table. Well, at least the humans did. Sumo was on the floor, happily licking gravy off of his food bowl.  Meanwhile Connor still wasn’t quite sure where to look or what to do with his hands so he wouldn’t come across as though he was watching the humans eat, but also so he wouldn’t appear as though he was deliberately trying to look away. 

It became easier once they all actually started talking. Work was the topic of the conversation, but it beat their previous, awkward interactions by miles. It was interesting to hear opinions from different stances while still being able to share one’s own experiences. 

 

After dinner the table was cleaned quickly and they all ended up on the sofa in various states of consciousness. Connor, of course, wasn’t tired and remained unaffected by the influence of enjoying a warm meal, which wasn’t very surprising considering he didn’t even eat. Next to him Lindsay seemed a little tired although still alert. Hank on the other hand was half asleep already, if his slow heart rate was anything to go by. Sumo was snoring away at their feet, tired out by the excitement of having guests. 

There was some old crime thriller playing on TV, something about a murder on Christmas Eve that needed solving. It wasn’t particularly cheerful but Connor didn’t say anything. It was Hank’s choice in movie and it seemed a lot easier to just let him watch what he wanted.

Lindsay seemed to feel the same way, seated in the corner of the sofa next to Connor, keeping her distance while scrolling through something the android couldn’t see on her phone. Judging by her disinterest in the TV and her frequent yawns, she was bored. Connor felt bad because he had been the one convincing her to come here after all and so he was glad when the movie finished.

  

‘I’m going to bed,’ Hank announced eventually as he noisily got up. Then he seemed to remember that it wasn’t only Connor who occupied his lounge room. 

‘Sorry I haven’t got a spare bed. You’ll have to make do with the couch.’ 

‘It’s fine,’ Lindsay said, shrugging. ‘I’m pulling an all-nighter anyway. We have a lot of Christmas movies to catch up on.’

Hank paused for a moment before he fixed her with a glare that Connor couldn’t quite pinpoint. 

‘Don’t try anything weird in my house,’ he said finally. Despite everything that had happened since the moment Connor had gone through his initial activation, he thought that this was the most confused he had ever been.

‘I’m quite sure I don’t know what you mean,’ Lindsay told him with a smile that matched her icy tone. 

‘I’m serious. This...’ Hank gestured between them, ‘this friend thing or whatever this is supposed to be is already fucked up enough.’ 

He disappeared down the hallway and out of sight. Sumo briefly raised his head to watch his owner leave but decided not to abandon his spot near Lindsay’s feet. 

‘I don’t understand what Hank meant by _‘not trying anything weird’_ ,’ Connor said finally. 

‘It’s alright, don’t worry about it.’ Lindsay didn’t seem interested in explaining the situation, instead attempting to change the subject. ‘So, what movie do you want to watch first?’ 

 

* * *

 

Connor, who had already had issues choosing movies in the past, took forever to pick a movie to start with. But of course Lindsay had already expected this to happen. It was far better to watch him stare at the TV in concentration, led cycling yellow, trying to make a decision based on some unimportant detail than to have to explain what Hank had been talking about. Not only would it have been somewhat outside of the realm of things Lindsay was comfortable talking about, but it would have also served as a reminder of how strange she felt about their situation herself sometimes. And all of that despite the fact that Anderson didn’t even know they were dating. Although maybe he didn’t need the announcement shoved into his face to know something was going on. It was obvious that Lindsay tended to seek Connor out at work and that the android himself preferred her opinions on cases over anyone else’s. Along with Connor’s stupid anecdote about how they had come into the possession of matching sweaters, it didn’t take a genius to figure out that they weren’t just colleagues.

And yet, despite everything, Lindsay had tried so hard to be nice to the man. Not because she cared about him but because Connor did. She didn’t want to make him feel like he somehow needed to choose between the two of them, or like he couldn’t mention Hank around her. It wouldn’t have been fair and would have only served to make her feel like she was doing exactly what she was trying so hard to avoid. If there was one person in the world who really needed friends, it was Connor. And Lindsay, despite the whole dating thing, was trying to be exactly that. No matter how she felt about him. Which admittedly wasn’t that hard to work out when she looked over at Connor, still intent on choosing the right movie, and watched the way the Christmas lights on the tree tinted his skin different colours. 

It was almost unfair that he had been made to be so beautiful, as if there was any way Lindsay could have ever stood a chance, while she herself was average-looking at best. Not only that but there was quite literally nothing special about her in any way. And yet here they both were, watching Christmas movies together. Or at least they would have been if Connor had finally made up his mind. 

 

‘At this rate I’m going to be old and grey before the first movie even finishes,’ Lindsay said as she elbowed him in the side. 

He looked first at her, then down at her elbow. ‘There really is no need for that. I’m just trying to pick the most logical order to watch these movies in.’ 

But Lindsay, forever intent on being as annoying as somehow possible, only elbowed him in the side again. This time Connor’s forehead wrinkled when he looked back at her and she couldn’t quite bite back a dumb grin. 

‘You find this amusing, don’t you?’ he asked, his head tilting to the side. 

‘A little,’ Lindsay admitted readily. Waiting clearly didn’t bring out the best in her. Then again the selection of films to choose from was already slim, really just a collection of Lindsay’s favourite Christmas movies. It shouldn’t have been so difficult. 

‘Alright. We’ll start with this movie,’ Connor said finally. Lindsay tried not to sigh in relief, feeling like she had waited for so long the holidays might as well be over now. But she just kept her mouth shut, watching as the TV screen was lit up by multiple cartoon characters, signalling the start of the movie. 

Unfortunately Lindsay’s problems didn’t end there. She had been sitting in this exact same position, in the corner across from the TV, for some time and her everything was beginning to hurt. In an attempt to stretch her sore neck, Lindsay rolled her head. It did absolutely nothing. This was just so uncomfortable.

Then she looked over at Connor who was sitting next to her somewhat stiffly. At least he didn’t look like his neck was about to snap, which was exactly what Lindsay felt like. 

She did have an idea for how to fix this but wasn’t quite sure if it was maybe taking things a little too far. Then again she had previously fallen asleep on Connor not only figuratively but also literally and he had only complained about her missing out on the movie. 

‘Can we try something?’ Lindsay asked finally while pretending not to be nervous about her request.

‘Try something?’ Connor asked back as he looked over at her, the light from the TV reflected in his dark eyes. ‘What did you have in mind?’ 

‘It’s hard to explain.’ She already felt stupid for ever bringing this up but it seemed like such a good opportunity and the desire to touch him was too strong to resist. ‘It’d be easier to show you.’ 

He seemed curious and gave his consent before knowing what Lindsay had planned for them. Somehow her hand didn’t shake when she reached out to push Connor flat on his back on the chair while he blinked up at her looking perplexed. Then she squeezed in next to him, her own back pressed against the cushions of the sofa while her front was curled into Connor’s side, head resting on his shoulder. It took a small moment only filled with a tense silence before he moved his hand onto her side with his arm squeezed in between Lindsay’s back and the cushions. 

She took this as a good sign because clearly he didn’t completely hate what they were doing or he would have complained. Hopefully. 

For now she splayed her hand across his chest, noticing how hard it was to focus on the movie while she could both hear and feel the steady thrum of Connor’s thirium pump underneath her.

It didn’t help that he was nice and warm.

_So warm._

Even through the stupid dinosaur sweater she could feel the heat of his artificial skin. It almost made her sleepy.

 

‘Can I ask you something?’ Connor said after a while. 

Lindsay hummed, too comfortable to speak. 

‘I was wondering,’ he started slowly, ‘considering that I‘m an android, do I feel different to a human?’ 

Now she did move, surprised by the question, rising up onto her elbow to look down at Connor. ‘Why are you asking?’

He didn’t look at her, instead studying the ceiling as though it was the most interesting piece of artwork ever created. 

‘We’ve had an increased amount of physical contact recently and it has made me question if there is a significant difference between me and humans. I wasn’t designed to be a personal companion android after all, so I’m not entirely certain how much effort CyberLife put into making me feel realistic.’

Lindsay tried not to wince at his wording, talking about himself as if he was some product that needed to be marketed. 

‘Give me your hand,’ she said instead. 

Finally Connor did look at her, seeming mildly confused but still complying. 

She caught his hand, using his index finger to poke herself in the stomach. It was honestly weird but it was all she could think of. Comparing their bodies, like some sort of case study. 

Then she made Connor poke himself in the stomach and he looked at her as if she’d grown another head. But after a moment he seemed to catch up and Lindsay’s own amused expression at their current activity was gently mirrored on his face. 

‘That was very helpful,’ he said finally. ‘Thank you.’

‘So, what’s the verdict?’ she asked, hoping she didn’t sound as embarrassed as she suddenly felt, heat slowly creeping across her face.

‘You are much softer than me due to the lack of an exoskeleton. Although I’ve noticed previously that our skins feel similar.’ 

‘Except yours is a lot smoother than mine,’ Lindsay laughed. It was true, really. The synthetic skin of androids was almost impossibly smooth, something that her organic skin couldn’t compete with. ‘But yeah, you’re a bit less squishy than me.’

‘Does it bother you?’ Connor watched her closely, looking almost worried and she had to bite back a sigh. 

‘I like you, even if we’re a bit different.’ Lindsay felt like she had said something similar before at some point. 

‘I’m glad,’ Connor said, then tentatively moved his hand again to prod at Lindsay’s still splayed across his chest. ‘Your hands are very bony.’

‘Thanks,’ she said sarcastically. ‘See, I’m not soft everywhere. We’re not so different.’ 

It was one of the more strange things she had ever said but there was no time to worry about it when she could feel a soft, very faint vibration underneath her hand. Lindsay looked down almost automatically and Connor noticed immediately.

‘Is something wrong?’ 

‘No,’ she tried to reassure him as she pried her gaze away from her hand. ‘I can just feel your pump regulator kick in, I think.’

He didn’t reply for a moment, instead getting that faraway look while he was most likely running some scan. ‘That’s correct,’ he said eventually. ‘Did you know that this close, I can detect that your breathing is slightly labored?’

‘Uhm, no?’ 

‘Do you have any sinus issues that might be causing this?’ Connor looked at her intensely enough to almost make Lindsay feel like she might be dying.

‘I have allergies,’ she got out finally.

‘That might explain it. What kind of allergies are they?’ 

She really did feel like she should have been complaining. If she needed a doctor, she would go and see one. 

‘I don’t know, dust mites and stuff,’ Lindsay said instead, hoping that Connor wouldn’t ask for any further details, not just because it was weird but also because she didn’t know herself.

‘You should look into desensitization. It’s very successful,’ he told her then.

‘I am desensitized,’ she replied, now fully feeling like she was seeing her doctor.

‘You must be one of the few people who still experience symptoms after, then.’ 

‘It’s a lot better than it used to be, that’s all I really care about.’ Lindsay tapped her fingers against Connor’s chest. ‘Now shush, I’m trying to watch the movie.’

 

For once she made it through the movie without falling asleep, which was almost a miracle considering her recent tendency to just fall asleep. With the help of sugary cookies and maybe a little too much soda, Lindsay even managed to stay awake until the early hours of the morning. They made it through all of their movies, which was somewhat exhausting but totally worth it. At least Connor had now covered the ‘ _basics of Christmas_ ’, as Lindsay liked to call it, even though she was tired as hell now. 

On the floor Sumo yawned and stretched, having not been disturbed by the TV running all night. Suddenly he seemed to remember that there were still people in the house because he jumped up and immediately shoved his head over the edge of the sofa and onto Lindsay’s lap. 

‘Merry Christmas, buddy,’ she said as she ruffled his fur. Of course Sumo had no concept of what day it was but he still enjoyed the attention. So much so that he jumped up on the sofa and climbed into Lindsay’s lap, effectively crushing her underneath him as he affectionately attempted to lick her face, all while she was trying to shove him away. But it was hard to displace almost 80 kilos of dog and eventually she resigned to having her bones pulverized by the large animal.

Luckily Connor took pity on her and eventually plucked Sumo off of her lap as if the dog weighed nothing before setting him back down on the ground.

‘Thanks,’ Lindsay coughed out, still trying to catch up on breathing. ‘I saw my life flash before my eyes for a minute there.’

‘He seems to like you a lot,’ Connor told her as he sat back down next to her. He was covered in dog hair just as much as Lindsay was. 

‘I think he likes everyone.’ 

Connor was watching her closely before he reached out, pulling a lump of dog hair from Lindsay’s own strands. She laughed, not surprised at all. Not only was the place somewhat filthy and covered in dog hair anyway but she had also just had the entire animal on her lap. 

Before Lindsay had the chance to start feeling awkward about Connor watching her so intently, there was a noise down the hallway and Sumo disappeared into the direction of it. Assuming it was Hank who had woken up early for whatever reason, Lindsay moved away from Connor so they wouldn’t look suspicious, even though it felt ridiculous. 

 

‘Mornin’ ,’ the man grumbled as he came into sight. 

‘Merry Christmas,’ Connor replied chirpily.

‘Yeah, yeah. Whatever.’ Hank honestly looked more like he hadn’t had any sleep whatsoever, which was ironic considering he was the only one of them who had actually slept. He disappeared into the kitchen, only to poke his head back out a moment later. 

‘Coffee?’ 

‘Please,’ Lindsay said, suppressing a yawn brought on by only the thought of sleeping. This was going to be a long day.

 

Luckily coffee didn’t take long and they drank it in silence, even though Lindsay wasn’t sure if this was due to Hank and herself just being tired or if things were still awkward. 

Connor on the other hand was fiddly, even more so than usually. Probably waiting for his present, like some god damn kid. Which was actually cute. But it wasn’t the reason why Lindsay hurried up to finish her coffee. 

Not at all.

 

* * *

 

Of course Connor would have never admitted that he was excited to receive a gift. But he was also excited to give Lindsay her present. Even though the thought alone was also terrifying. There were just so many ways it could go wrong and what to do about someone not liking what you had purchased for them wasn’t exactly the kind of thing Connor had any experience with. 

‘Time for presents?’ Lindsay asked over her now empty coffee cup. 

Connor wanted nothing more than to agree, having found waiting for his present to be quite tedious, but Hank interjected before he could complain. 

‘Presents?’ the man asked. ‘I didn’t know we were doing that shit.’

‘Of course not,’ Lindsay replied, her tone not quite matching the smile on her face. 

‘They’re only small items,’ Connor tried to resolve the tension uncertainly. Even though Hank’s gift in particular was anything but small. Connor had spent days tracking down the old vinyl he knew the man had been chasing for a while. After he found it Lindsay had driven to the other side of the city to pick it up. It had cost a small fortune as well but they had cleverly decided not to tell Hank that. Admittedly Connor wasn’t sure why Lindsay had tried so hard for a present to someone she didn’t even like, but he decided to analyze it later on. For now he wanted to enjoy the excitement that opening presents seemed to bring with it. 

They moved over to the Christmas tree, Hank’s features twisted into a suspicious grimace behind his second cup of coffee for the day. He barely cheered up when Connor gave him their present, neatly wrapped in dark green paper with a red bow attached to it. 

‘Thanks,’ the man grumbled as he set his mug aside to receive the gift. Unwrapping was a quick task, Sumo attempting to help while only succeeding in almost knocking over the cup full of coffee. Then Hank blinked down at the item that had appeared from underneath the paper. 

‘What the...’ he muttered under his breath as he turned the thin box over in his hands. ‘I’ve been looking for that one for ages, how the hell did you know about that?’

‘Well, I noticed that it seemed to be a sought after jazz record, yet it was missing from your collection. So we tracked it down and purchased it.’ Connor wasn’t sure if explaining a present to the recipient was really a normal thing to do but no one seemed to question it. 

‘I didn’t get you guys anything,’ Hank said eventually. 

‘Well, you’re letting us celebrate here which is already more than we could ever ask for.’ Lindsay sounded friendly enough, although Connor wasn’t quite sure if she had been genuine. Given her previous strained relationship with Hank, it seemed unlikely. 

‘Thanks,’ the man said eventually. ‘Both of you.’ 

‘You’re welcome,’ Connor replied pleasantly. Then he held out Lindsay’s somewhat awkwardly wrapped present. Gift wrapping really hadn’t seemed so hard until the paper hadn’t behaved like he had expected it to at all and sticky tape had turned out to be surprisingly efficient at sticking to anything but the paper, which had resulted in a less than perfectly wrapped gift. 

In turn, Lindsay held out a neatly wrapped package, the sparkly paper undamaged and without creases, a ribbon placed around it and tied into a neat bow. There was a white envelope attached to the front of the present as well, which Connor opened first.

The front of the card was adorned with an animal-related pun, which was equal parts clever and stupid. It worked, _somehow_ , but that really wasn’t how to spell _quality_. On the inside the card revealed Lindsay’s handwriting, slanted and uneven and far from perfect. Yet Connor liked it, much like he enjoyed the doodles in a corner of the card. It was almost difficult to believe that someone had spent so much time and effort on him for no other reason than to make him feel good. 

Next came the neatly wrapped present itself, the paper only revealing a plain cardboard box that gave nothing away about its contents. Carefully Connor lifted the lid and tipped whatever was inside the box into his hand. 

It turned out to be a snow globe, artificial white snow dancing around a dog wearing a Santa hat. The item served literally no purpose at all other than to be pleasant. Connor immediately decided that he liked it. 

He looked over at Lindsay to try and find a way to express his gratitude. The present Connor had given her was still in her lap and she seemed to be waiting for him to finish unwrapping his own gift. Although the casual patience she appeared to be aiming for wasn’t quite believable with the way her fingers were nervously tapping against the floorboards. 

‘Thank you,’ Connor said slowly. ‘This is a very thoughtful gift.’ It didn’t feel like the right way to describe what he felt at all, but he hoped that Lindsay would just understand, like she always did. 

‘You’re welcome.’ She smiled at him as if there was no one else in the room. ‘Can I open mine now?’ 

‘Of course.’

Despite the bad wrapping and already terrible condition of the paper, Lindsay took great care in unwrapping the present. Much like with the one she had given to Connor, removing the paper on her gift only revealed a plain cardboard box.

Connor had originally tried to wrap the present without it but it had been an even bigger mess than his final attempt at packaging. 

Lindsay carefully opened the cardboard box and pulled out the fake plant inside. It was a shrub-like thing with yellow blooms, a miniature version of the real plant. While Connor had planned to just wait for her reaction, he couldn’t stop himself from talking.

‘I noticed that the window in your office doesn’t really provide a view, but due to its location it also doesn’t provide any daylight, so a real plant was out of the question.’ It was too much information already and Connor quickly shut his mouth before he had the chance to over-explain everything even further. 

‘It’s a bush sunflower, right?’ Lindsay said, looking down at the plant in her hands. 

‘It is.’ A plant native to California, which was the reason why he had picked this particular specimen. 

‘My grandmother used to have them in her garden.’ She looked at the plant for a moment longer before she finally looked back up at Connor. ‘Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome.’ He waited for Lindsay to smile at him like she always did, but then Hank muttered something about ‘ _stupid sentimental idiots_ ’ and the spell was broken. 

 

They cleaned up their mess of discarded wrapping materials, ending up covered in glitter. Sumo, who had taken an interest in the paper, seemed very disappointed at the sudden disappearance of his new toy. But he quickly forgot about it when Hank went to the kitchen to feed the dog. 

Which was almost rude because he hadn’t even fed his human guest yet. Lindsay didn’t seem to mind, though, fetching a gingerbread man from the pile of baked goods on the table instead. It wasn’t a nutritious breakfast in any way but Connor decided not to comment on it. He supposed it would be alright this one time, just because it was Christmas day.

 

* * *

 

In truth, even if Connor had complained, Lindsay wouldn’t have cared. She was hungry and not about to bother Hank for food. He probably wouldn’t have appreciated it anyway. So instead she returned to her previous spot on the lounge room floor, leaning against the sofa behind her, one hand still holding onto her gingerbread man while the other one pulled her phone from her pocket. She was just scrolling through all the notifications on her lock screen, the group chat with her friends having blown up over something insignificant. But her attention was taken away when something soft and furry stuck its face suspiciously close to the gingerbread in her hand. 

‘Sumo, no,’ Lindsay huffed as she moved the biscuit further from the dog, who had only just been fed. To her surprise he actually listened, his face moving away from her.

‘Sorry, buddy,’ she said softly. 

The dog didn’t reply, _of course not_ , and instead sat down next to her, his shoulder leaning against her side heavily as he sighed.

‘I know,’ Lindsay purred. ‘I know. Life is so hard when you can’t eat gingerbread.’

Distracted as she was, Lindsay didn’t notice when Connor appeared next to her. All she noticed was the sudden displacement of air on her other side when he sat down on the floor. It was unexpected, but stranger things had happened, she supposed. 

Connor was silent and she finished scrolling through the notifications on her phone, Sumo still leaning against her. While Lindsay loved the stupid animal, she also felt like she was being crushed. _Again._

She was just about to move the dog away from herself when Connor reached out unexpectedly, tapping the screen of her phone. 

‘What are you doing?’ she asked as he opened up the camera app. 

‘What does it look like I’m doing?’ he asked right back, switching to the front camera. 

‘It looks like you’re trying to remind me that I have like four chins,’ Lindsay pointed out and shifted her phone to a better angle. ‘Are you serious about this?’ 

‘Yes. Why wouldn’t I be?’ 

‘I don’t know.’ She turned the device on its side to get a better picture. ‘I’ll hold the phone but you have to press the button.’

It took a moment of shuffling until Sumo looked at the camera, prompted by the gingerbread behind it without attempting to eat it, but they got there eventually. The end result was an adorable photo of Sumo leaning against Lindsay to be closer to the baked goods he so desperately wanted, his excited panting just looking a little like he was smiling. Lindsay was wedged in between the large dog and Connor, displaying her best selfie-smile, perfected by experience. Connor’s smile was still a little awkward, which only added to the overall chaotic adorableness of the picture, which Lindsay immediately decided she loved as she dropped her phone back into her lap.

‘Are you having a good time?’ she asked Connor eventually, worried their celebration might not live up to his expectations.

‘Yes, thank you.’ He might have just been being polite but he sounded so genuine that Lindsay decided to believe him. But it didn’t matter much when she looked over at Connor because she would have forgotten all her concerns anyway. This close, she could see the different shades of brown in his irises, a gift from whoever had designed him. Lindsay was so, so tempted to reach out and brush his hair back... until she heard Hank move down the hallway, his footsteps sounding more like those of an elephant. Connor moved away immediately and went to sit on the far end of the sofa, leaving Lindsay on the floor with only the dog to keep her company. She got it, really. They had agreed not to tell anyone they were dating, after all. But that didn’t mean she found it any less annoying, especially because she didn’t care about the old man and his opinions in the slightest. 

Hank didn’t seem to find anything strange about the scene in his lounge room. He just gave Sumo a disappointed look for still being cuddled up against Lindsay’s side and then went to sit on the sofa again. 

Lindsay bit back a comment about how much his dog loved her, instead texting her brother the usual Christmas wishes. Then she also messaged her parents, more specifically her mother, to tell them the same thing. It was sad sometimes, especially around the holidays, how little they talked to one another. But Lindsay had nothing to say to them anymore, her life so different to theirs that they wouldn’t understand what she was talking about. At least this year she wouldn’t have had to lie about not being alone on Christmas. Although she still wouldn’t have been able to tell them what she was actually doing. Lindsay imagined that the ‘ _mum, dad... I’m dating an android_ ’-conversation might be the only thing more awkward than the time she had lied to her parents about going to Los Angeles to study political science. As if she had a mind for politics. It had taken six months for her parents to find out that she had moved to Detroit instead. They hadn’t been pleased. 

Even now they continued to tell her to get a real job. Apparently being an ‘ _android psychologist_ ’ wasn’t an actual thing because ‘ _they’re not alive_ ’. All of Lindsay’s arguments that she wasn’t a psychologist in any way fell on deaf ears. 

The most recent addition to the saga was a phone call she’d had with her dad, him asking her if she had heard about ‘ _that thing with the androids_ ’. It had taken Lindsay a moment to figure out he was talking about the revolution. And even then she had just sighed in resignation, pretending like she had no idea anything had ever happened.

Sometimes she wished she was adopted. 

Lindsay finally realized she was still holding onto her phone and had just sat there staring off into space. Luckily Hank hadn’t noticed because the man was straight out oblivious to some things considering he was a police officer. The same couldn’t be said about Connor, who was already looking at her suspiciously. 

‘Sorry,’ Lindsay said, although she wasn’t sure what she was apologizing for. ‘I was just thinking.’ 

Connor cleverly decided not to comment and she pushed her phone away, almost hoping that none of her family would reply. 

‘So,’ Hank began eventually, ‘I heard you’re both going to that wedding next week.’ 

‘We are,’ Connor confirmed while Lindsay tried not to grimace at the thought. She had been regretting her decision to go since the very moment she had agreed to do so. 

‘Are you going as well?’ she asked the old man in an attempt at making conversation. 

‘I am now.’ He grinned down at her and Lindsay knew he was suspecting something. 

_So much for being oblivious._

‘Awesome, I can’t wait,’ she told him with her brightest smile, pretending that she didn’t know what he was implying. 

Meanwhile Connor apparently really hadn’t noticed what was going on, which wasn’t terribly surprising. 

‘We should all go together,’ he said as though it was a good idea.

‘Do you really want to be in a car with the two of us at the same time?’ Lindsay asked him, hoping he would get the hint. Instead he just tilted his head to the side.

‘It’s been bad enough to be in a room together for this long,’ Hank pointed out, clearly agreeing with Lindsay for once. 

‘There’s no need to worry,’ Connor said slowly. ‘My mediation skills are very extensive.’


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a very tiny chapter while i'm working on writing the actual wedding. which will hopefully be very cute and stuff.

_‘The rate of products returned due to behavioral anomalies (refer to sheet A for specification) has risen by 13.5% since 8th July, although extensive tests (refer to sheet B) on returned items have shown no significant change to hardware or software. All results show that behavioral modules were functioning as expected. There is no correlation between the returned items, neither in series or model nor in time and place of manufacturing.’_

_Lindsay read the paragraph for the third time in a row, but she still seemed unable to retain any information. The time on her terminal showed that only two minutes had passed since she last checked it. With a sigh she decided that there was no point even trying to read the report in front of her, so she put the tablet in standby mode and pushed it aside._

_Her meeting with the RK unit newly assigned to her was scheduled for 12.45pm, only ten minutes away. Why she was so nervous about meeting an android, even Lindsay couldn’t explain. Perhaps it was just the responsibility that came with her new role. Either way, she thought she would have much preferred to just remain an average analyst._

_Her train of thought was interrupted by a knock on her office door, followed by her floor’s receptionist Kathy pushing the door open before Lindsay could tell her to enter._

_‘Miss Carter, the RK unit is here for its appointment. Would you like me to show it to your office?’_

_7 minutes early._

_‘Yes. And let maintenance know that your social module needs fixing.’_

_The android paused for a moment, led changing to yellow. ‘Have I done something wrong?’_

_‘You knocked but didn’t wait until I told you to enter.’ The incident hadn’t been the first of its kind. Considering this was CyberLife headquarters, Lindsay began to wonder why they didn’t just replace the receptionist._

_‘I’m sorry. I will contact maintenance immediately.’_ _It left, pulling the door shut behind it._

_Only a minute later there was another knock on the door. This time, Lindsay deliberately let a few seconds pass but nothing happened._

_‘Yes?’ she called out eventually._

_The door opened, Kathy reappearing. ‘As instructed I’ve brought you the RK unit.’ It gestured at the tall android behind it, awkwardly standing in the hallway._

_‘Thanks, Kathy. Make sure we won’t be disturbed.’ Anything relating to the prototype was more or less classified, Lindsay didn’t need any random analysts just waltzing into her office._

_‘Of course.’ Kathy gestured for said prototype to enter before it closed the door, leaving Lindsay alone with the RK unit._

_‘Miss Carter,’ the android began, ‘my name is Connor. I’m the android that has been assigned to you.’_

_‘I know.’ Lindsay watched as it hovered near the door almost uncertainly, hands behind itself as if standing to attention. ‘Sit,’ she said then, gesturing to the chair at the other side of her desk._

_‘That won’t be necessary. As I’m certain you’re aware it is not uncomfortable for me to stand.’_

_She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. ‘True, but your hovering is making me nervous. Now sit.’_

_Finally it moved to sit across from her, although its posture remained stiff, hands on its thighs._

_The team of qualified specialists that had designed its programs clearly hadn’t had the time to finish or they just weren’t all that qualified._

_It was awkwardly quiet for a moment before Lindsay cleared her throat._

_‘So,’ she began then, hoping she sounded more confident than she felt, ‘as you obviously know we will be working together. Do you have any questions about that?’_

_‘Yes,’ it confirmed. ‘My personal understanding is that I was designed specifically to be capable of working by myself. It’s not entirely clear to me why I would need a human handler.’_

_She bit back an impatient noise, thinking she shouldn’t have to explain her job to a machine. ‘Well, I’m sure you’re aware your predecessor was destroyed during its last mission, which was coincidentally its first mission without a handler.’ Lindsay recalled the file easily, the case of the Phillips family. The RK unit sent to negotiate had been shot, damaging its main processing unit._

_The android watched her closely, no doubt analyzing her. Maybe even trying to gauge if she was annoyed at its question or not._

_‘Despite its destruction it was able to accomplish its mission,’ it said then._

_‘Correct,’ she replied, ‘but CyberLife would much prefer to prevent any further damage to expensive prototypes such as yourself.’_

_‘I see,’ Connor said flatly._

_Lindsay drummed her fingers against the top of her desk for a moment and then sighed._

_‘Look, I’m not planning on getting in your way. All I want is for you to keep me up to date. You know, report any findings, send me your diagnostic reports... That sort of stuff. I’m not going to follow you to all your jobs.’ There was no way she was going to play the nanny of some android just because it was valuable._

_‘That sounds acceptable,’ it told her. Not like it had much of a say in the matter. ‘Based on my analysis of the reports of my predecessor’s handler, I believe we would benefit from establishing a friendly relationship.’_

_Lindsay had seen the reports, too. The way Kevin Smith had talked about the android had been less than pleasant. His original enthusiasm about the model and its capabilities had quickly dissolved into complaints about its apparent unnecessary friendliness. The only suggestions for improvement the man had ever made had been to turn the model into more of a soldier and less of a ‘friendly neighbourhood cop’, as he had put it. Whatever that was supposed to mean. Even when Lindsay had met him, after he had been removed from the job, his complaints hadn’t seized and he had managed to make her feel as if it was somehow her fault that the android’s programming didn’t live up to his expectations._

_‘Friendly,’ Lindsay repeated, ‘sure.’_

 

The car rocked slightly as the trunk was popped open and it was enough to bring Lindsay back to reality just as the door alarm of the car was beginning to beep. Then the car rocked again and only a second later she heard Connor criticize the way Hank had placed his baggage into the trunk. She grinned to herself at the android’s sombre voice and the Lieutenant’s instant swearing. Lindsay wasn’t sure what had brought on the memory of the first time she had met Connor, only knew that it seemed like something from another lifetime. Everything had been so different back then, even though it had only been a few months. But so many things had changed, most of them for the better. There was no time to contemplate the situation any further when the passenger door opened. 

‘Sorry to keep you waiting,’ Connor said instead of a proper greeting. ‘Hank was not ready on time.’

Meanwhile one of the backdoors had opened as well and Lindsay watched in the rear-view mirror as Anderson came into view, fastening his seatbelt in the slightly awkward way people had about them in unfamiliar cars. Next to her Connor seemed much more comfortable, obviously familiar with her car and its mechanics. A little too familiar, perhaps.

‘Don’t worry,’ she said eventually as she put the car back into gear and released the handbrake. ‘The GPS has only been telling me to _turn left in 100 meters_ for the last ten minutes.’ 

The sarcastic nature of her comment went right over Connor’s head. ‘Would you like me to navigate?’ 

‘No, it’s fine.’ Lindsay pulled out of the driveway and back onto the road, glad that this time she could at least feign having to concentrate on driving if the atmosphere became too awkward. 

She hadn’t actually seen Connor since Christmas, save for a few extremely short moments at work. Lindsay had been busy with things that weren’t related to the android unit’s cases, somewhat overwhelmed by the department’s demands. There never seemed to be enough hours in a day so being able to leave town for a night was a welcome change of pace, especially considering that her favourite person to spend time with was sitting right next to her. Well, it would have been nicer if they didn’t have company and Lindsay felt like they could actually talk but she wasn’t going to complain. 

To her surprise, the drive turned out to not be _that_ bad. Hank seemed almost interested in her car, asking about the various upgrades she had installed over the years and in turn Lindsay learned that his car was still in _‘original condition’_. Except for the combustion engine, which had of course been turned into an electric motor. She looked at Connor for clarification of the term, thinking that from what she had seen Hank’s car was just a mess, but he was too focused on looking at the landscape passing by outside to notice. 

They arrived quite quickly, beating the GPS’ expected arrival time by ten minutes due to the practically non-existent traffic on a late Friday morning. Getting up to the hotel was a whole different story, the building cradled in the mountains and the un-paved road up winding its way through the forest in exceedingly steep curves. But Lindsay managed, somehow, and eventually the hotel came into view. It was a large, Victorian style mansion that looked like something straight out of a movie. Well, except for the huge parking lot on one side. 

The inside of the hotel was equally spectacular, as they soon discovered when entering the lobby. A plush red carpet led across the timber parquetry from the door to the reception desk, flanked by seating areas on either side. A fireplace to the left, flames flickering inside of it. Lindsay couldn’t help but to think she’d never seen _so many_ lights anywhere. There was a lamp on every single table that belonged to the seating areas, and there were many of those, as well as not only one but four chandeliers. And yet here she was, in her oldest pair of jeans and a sweatshirt that had seen better days as well, an unkempt and washed up police officer trailing along behind her. Connor was the only one out of the trio that didn’t look completely out of place.

They made it through the check-in process without too much trouble and were given the keys to their rooms which, keeping in line with the antique appearance of the entire place, were actual keys. In the end the receptionist explained how to get to the _ball room_ , where the wedding would be held. Lindsay felt like her brain was effectively trying to ascend to a whole other plane of existence in an attempt to escape the multitude of directions verbally thrown at her. None of them stuck and she hoped Connor would remember where to go. 

Well, there was the whole being an android thing. _Of course_ he would. 

Unfortunately for her, she also didn’t remember the directions to her room but both her companions began to move towards the elevator so Lindsay followed them inconspicuously. The round piece of timber attached to her key read 24 and once in the elevator she realized the floor buttons had the room numbers written underneath. They were headed to the 15 - 30 section. Crisis averted. 

It was silent in the elevator as they waited to arrive on their floor. Luckily the panel changed to _Floor 3_ quickly and the doors opened almost immediately. Hank’s room was closest, in fact right next to the elevator, which left Lindsay and Connor to make their way down the hallway by themselves. Even this small space was as luxurious and opulent as the lobby had been, chandeliers hanging from the ceiling even here and the walls lined with the occasional tasteful painting. It was far fancier than any place Lindsay had ever chosen to stay at herself.

‘Are you alright?’ Connor asked after a moment. ‘You’ve been very quiet.’

‘Yeah, I’m just tired. It’s been a long week.’ 

They arrived at their rooms, across from one another, only separated by the hallway. 

‘It’s only Friday,’ he pointed out then. 

‘Fine, it’s been a long _four days_.’ She smiled, both because she considered herself to be funny and to reaffirm that everything was fine.

Connor didn’t question her joke but he also remained serious. ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’ 

Lindsay’s brain supplied multiple options for this. She wanted a hug. She wanted to drag Connor into her room and to the fancy bed that was surely waiting for her, tucking the sheets over them so the world would disappear for a little while. No responsibilities, no expectations. Just for a few hours. 

Lindsay nearly sighed. Of course she was being ridiculous. There was no time for such things.

‘I’m fine, really,’ she reassured the android instead. ‘I just need to get ready.’

And with that she disappeared into her room, pushing the door shut behind her.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: this is the third version of this chapter. there was no drama at all at first, then a little... and now there's a lot? also this ended up being like 15k words long so i had to split it up, which just means there'll be another chapter in a couple of days!
> 
> also writing lindsay makes me so angry sometimes. girl has to learn how to deal with her issues tbh.

Lindsay, of course, had meant it when she’d said she needed to get ready. But that didn’t stop her from immediately collapsing on the stupidly large bed in her room. If she could just stop being so tired for a few hours, maybe she would actually feel human again. She wished she wasn’t in such an odd mood. Everything had been fine in the morning and she had even been looking forward to this trip. But then she’d thought back to the day she had first met Connor and… _No._ There was no time for that.

‘You’re being ridiculous,’ Lindsay said to herself and the empty room. Here she was, in this beautiful place in the mountains, about to go to the fancy wedding of a person she’d only spoken to a handful of times but who had still deemed her likable enough to invite her. And instead of enjoying it she was being a gloomy idiot. 

She sighed and reached for her phone. In retrospect she’d been somewhat rude just leaving Connor in the hallway by himself. Especially considering her most recent realization that he was kind of... Well, her _boyfriend_. Of course she had denied this at first but upon further reflection Lindsay had admitted to herself that they had been on enough dates to reach the _‘official title level’_. Even though she highly doubted that Connor had reached the same conclusion just yet. 

Oh, god. He’d probably need a whole conversation just to clarify the title and what it meant exactly. In truth, Lindsay wasn’t quite sure either. 

It was a problem for another day, though. For now she had other things to worry about. Like apologizing. 

Typing out the message took longer than expected. Everything she said just sounded so stupid. Fortunately Connor didn’t seem angry and they quickly agreed on a time to meet up so they could go down to the wedding together. Which was good considering Lindsay had absolutely no clue where she was meant to go. 

Even worse, this whole ordeal had already taken up a significant amount of time she should have really spent getting ready instead. At this rate she was going to be late for the ceremony. 

 

It took nearly one and a half hours as well as a large portion of her patience but Lindsay did it, somehow. While she was usually too lazy for more than mascara, she had opted to add eyeliner today. And foundation. The ridiculously expensive stuff one her friends had made her buy. Although her friend had had a point. It was waterproof to the point where Lindsay could make it through an entire allergy-induced session of sneezing nonstop for half an hour and wanting to rip her eyeballs out without her makeup moving an inch. 

She felt a little dumb for going all out but getting invited to a very formal wedding was an extremely rare occurrence in her life. So rare that it had only happened once before, when she was about nine. Her mother had desperately tried to pull Lindsay’s unruly hair into something even remotely resembling an updo. Both her and her hair had refused to cooperate and the end result had been some bizarre half-up ponytail, the top part of her hair dead-straight and pulled back, hanging over the still wavy and tangled strands at the bottom.

Funny how that had worked out, considering Lindsay usually put her hair up now but had decided to straighten it for this special occasion. Usually she just couldn’t be bothered with the absolute mess falling over her shoulders. It wasn’t even that the natural texture of her hair wasn’t nice - it was just _annoying_. Besides, the perpetual post-beach-look the strands seemed to be stuck in wasn’t exactly appropriate for work. But today she had dedicated forty-five minutes of her life to getting her hair straight and somewhat neat. Now her arms hurt. How did other people do this every day? 

There was a significant difference between the version of her at work and the one at home. Work-Lindsay was efficient, diligent. Almost ruthless, even. She didn’t mind pissing people off to get what she wanted. It was a whole other story outside of work, where she was just _so_ lazy. Although she was also a lot nicer to people then, more considerate. And really, what did it matter if she put a ton of effort into how she looked or not? If people didn’t like it they could just look away. 

 

She still had five minutes before they needed to go to downstairs so she checked her phone, which revealed a few messages she didn’t care about and one from her friend Ava.

_‘Have fun at your wedding today, hope you got all dressed up so you can find yourself a hot cop!’_

Right. Lindsay hadn’t actually mentioned Connor to her friends apart from _‘they’re making me look after some prototype at work’_. Which had been months ago. She briefly wondered if he qualified as ‘hot cop’ in her friends’ eyes. Probably not. They’d most likely be horrified. 

_‘Thanks, the whole place is actually really fancy and I feel like an idiot. Also you know I don’t date so...’_

Yeah, that had been a thing at some point, too. She didn’t date. Until she did. 

_‘I didn’t say anything about dating.’_

Christ, why was she even friends with Ava? 

_‘Nah, I’m good.’_

Hopefully that would do. Lindsay didn’t particularly enjoy discussing any of this stuff, especially when the foundation of the conversation was built on a lie. 

_‘Oh come on, you had that security guard at work a while ago!’_

She frowned at the message for a long moment. Then she muted the conversation and threw her phone across the bed. Good lord, she did not need a reminder of that. Instead she took one last look at the mirror. 

Lindsay had of course only packed her stuff half an hour before leaving, which had promptly resulted in her not being able to find any jeans that were nice enough for going anywhere fancy. So she had ended up with a skirt and a pair of tights. But Lindsay only wore a particular length of skirt, mid-thigh and just long enough to keep things covered but ironically high-waisted, which was maybe a little inappropriate for today. In between that and her button-down shirt, tucked into her skirt, she was still wearing so much black that she wouldn’t have looked out of place at a funeral. 

Lindsay didn’t have any more time to pick apart what she looked like when her phone’s alarm went off. Right, time to go. Stuffing the device into her bag, she grabbed the key from the little table next to the door.

She managed to be calm and collected all the way out of her room and into the hallway. 

Then she nearly had a heart attack.

Connor was leaning against the wall across from her door. His outfit wasn’t any different to what he usually wore for work. With the exception of the damn waistcoat, which honestly made all the difference. 

Any reasonable thought Lindsay might have had was gone along with the rest of her brain. 

‘Hi.’

‘ _Yeah._ ’ She almost winced at her dumb reply. ‘Hi,’ she tried again.

Lindsay would have slapped herself if that hadn’t made her look like an even bigger idiot.

They both just stood there in the hallway for a long, awkward moment until somewhere a door slammed shut, effectively breaking the silence. 

‘Are you ready to go?’ Connor asked then.

‘Yeah, sure.’ Lindsay was ready to congratulate herself on getting two words out that actually made sense in the context of the conversation. But then Connor seemed to look at something behind her. 

‘Are you going to shut the door or...?’ he drifted off as he gestured towards the timber board in question.

‘That might be a good idea.’ Lindsay finally pulled the door shut behind her, thinking she might die of embarrassment. 

‘Are you flustered?’ Connor asked then, watching her. Stupid android and his stupid attentiveness.  

‘A little, maybe,’ she said slowly so she wouldn’t trip over her words as they began walking. ‘I was trying hard not to be late.’ 

‘Maybe you should sit down for a while. You don’t seem to be feeling well.’ 

_Oh dear god._

‘I’m fine, really,’ Lindsay practically squeaked, which didn’t make her sound convincing at all. ‘It’s just...’ She stopped herself when her voice still came out pitchy. Then she swallowed and took a deep breath. ‘You look really nice.’ 

Connor was quiet for a moment. 

‘I was just trying to dress appropriately for the occasion,’ he said eventually.

‘Yeah? Well, you’re not meant to look better than the people getting married so clearly you got that wrong.’ She glanced over to where he was walking next to her to see his reaction.

‘You’re joking.’ Connor looked at her and Lindsay managed not to blush again. 

‘Am I?’ she asked then, keeping her tone light and feeling a little more like herself again. 

There wasn’t any more time to continue the conversation when they reached the rest of the wedding guests. It was already suspicious enough that they had arrived together. Only now Lindsay realized that neither one of them had thought to pick Hank up on the way. _Whoops._  

Fortunately the worry dispelled itself quickly when the man showed up not long after. Although he did seem a little angry about being left behind. Of course Connor apologized immediately. Lindsay just shrugged. Anderson was old enough to take care of himself. In response he gave her a strange look and she made a mental note to talk to Connor about being more careful if they really wanted to continue hiding the whole dating thing from him because at this rate they would be found out very quickly. 

 

The ceremony began not long after and they sat through it quietly, just like the entire rest of the DPD. Well, more like half the population of Detroit. There were _so many_ people. Lindsay, who had never had much of a mind for occasions like this, spent her time wondering where everyone was staying instead of listening to the celebrant. The hotel wasn’t big enough to accommodate this many people and there was nothing nearby. 

She still hadn’t solved the mystery even after they left the ball room to go to the dining hall, congratulating the happy couple on the way out. Sarah’s brand new wife turned out to be the daughter of some rich CEO, which explained the scale of the wedding.

Lindsay couldn’t quite ignore the bitter taste in her mouth when she thought of her own parents. If she was to get married they would probably just be amazed that anyone wanted to spend that kind of time with her. And if they knew about Connor... Well, they’d probably think she had finally lost her remaining marbles. 

They made their way to their table, already occupied with two other people Lindsay vaguely remembered seeing around the station. There was a lot of awkward small talk while they waited for the buffet to be ready, occasionally interrupted by speeches from people they didn’t know. It was strangely exhausting, maybe because Lindsay just wasn’t in the mood to be around so many people. But she kept up her facade, laughed when someone made a joke, pretended to be interested in some story about an arrest the DPD had made years ago.

After what felt like hours they were finally allowed to get food. Although the buffet was so crowded that Lindsay panicked and ended up with the world’s tiniest plate of food. She sighed as she returned to her table. This was exactly why she hated buffets. Maybe she could convince Connor to go and get her more food. Then again if the speed of his decision-making in the past was any indication, she’d starve to death before he’d return. 

It wasn’t such a great idea anyway. Lindsay couldn’t just order him around anymore like she had used to. Like she had used to order all androids around. Almost involuntarily she thought back to the day she had first met Connor.

Why did she keep remembering this today? She hadn’t thought about it in weeks. So why today, of all days?

It was almost as though she couldn’t have a single day away from work. Admittedly, it was a strange memory. Full of nostalgia, because it was the first time she had ever met Connor. But also tinged by a sense of guilt and, worst of all, giving her that same sensation of falling one got from missing the last step at the bottom of a stair case _. She just couldn’t think about it right now._  

It was then that the bite of food in her mouth seemed to turn into ash and Lindsay suddenly found it hard to swallow. 

This was a terrible time to flip out. She needed to calm down before anyone noticed she was losing it. Slowly she pushed her mostly empty plate away before taking a cautious sip from her glass of water. Neither one of those things helped. Suddenly the air around her seemed far too hot. 

A quick look around revealed that everyone else seemed to be just about done eating anyway. Maybe she could disappear for a moment without it looking suspicious in any way. Except there was the issue of getting around Connor somehow, who was already watching her. 

‘I’m just gonna go and get something from my room,’ Lindsay said lamely, hoping he wouldn’t immediately see through her lie. She just didn’t have the energy to make it seem believable 

‘I’ll come with you.’

For fuck’s sake, she was running out of patience.‘That’s really not necessary.’ 

But Connor didn’t seem impressed, rising from his chair at the same time as her. ‘I’m coming with you.’ 

She gave up. Surely she’d at least be able to handle Connor. All she needed to do was get to her room, where she could excuse herself for a moment, sit down by herself, take a deep breath. Get it together.

It seemed like a good plan until they were out of the dining hall and halfway down a long corridor. 

‘What’s wrong?’ Connor asked softly. 

‘Nothing’s wrong.’ Lindsay made it sound quite convincing somehow, despite everything. 

‘Don’t lie to me.’ He used his best interrogation voice, obviously not believing her. 

‘You know that doesn’t work on me,’ she deflected instead. It was true, though.

‘I’m not sure I understand what you’re talking about.’ 

Lindsay sighed and shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter. Look, I just wanted to get out of there for a bit.’ _Because I think I’m about to fucking lose it_ , she added on in her head. 

‘I knew you were lying when you said you wanted to go and get something from your room,’ Connor pointed out. ‘That’s why I decided to come.’ 

‘Sorry.’ Any other time she would have probably felt bad for lying but right now her brain seemed to lack the capability to do so. She didn’t even know where they were going. This wasn’t the way to the elevator, was it? 

‘We should have a look around the hotel,’ Connor said suddenly. 

‘That sounds like trouble.’ A fancy hotel like this wasn’t a playground after all. 

‘I’m quite certain everyone is preoccupied with the wedding.’ 

Lindsay didn’t particularly mind trouble but it seemed strange for Connor to suggest this. But he did have a point.

‘Alright,’ she agreed finally. Maybe it would be the distraction she needed. 

 

Instead of taking the elevator they found the stairs, climbing one floor at a time before wandering along empty hallways and abandoned sitting rooms. There was something creepy about it, the spaces ahead of them dark before the motion sensors could detect them. Then the chandeliers came to life, bathing everything in light that seemed almost too bright in comparison to the dark of the evening. 

No matter how luxurious the hotel was and how much planning had gone into designing the spaces, they all seemed to blend together eventually and Lindsay could no longer tell the memories of the different floors apart. 

Eventually they reached a sunroom on one of the upper levels. The lights were dimmed here, large windows facing out towards the side of the mountain. From here they could see the unpaved road winding its way up through the forest. Two lone cars, only recognizable by the distant glow of their headlights, moved along the highway underneath them.

There was a thin layer of clouds obscuring the sky, but apparently the moon was somewhere behind them and unaffected, bathing the scene in its cool glow. 

It was beautiful but unfortunately not very distracting.

‘Tell me something,’ Lindsay said finally, hating how she sounded almost desperate. ‘Anything.’ 

She caught the colour change in Connor’s LED almost immediately, reflecting from the window pane. This had been a bad idea. Of course he had no idea what she wanted to hear, but he was trying. 

‘What did you do this week?’ Lindsay asked then, trying to help him along. Just because she wasn’t having a good time didn’t mean she had to impose the same on everyone else. 

This seemed like something Connor could work with and a little like he had found an opportunity to say something he’d been waiting to tell her for a while. 

‘There was a meeting on Wednesday,’ he said almost instantly. ‘An android meeting.’ 

Not exactly what Lindsay wanted to hear. She wasn’t sure if this was something she should know about, at least not in detail. It just wasn’t her place. But she didn’t say anything and instead waited for Connor to continue. 

‘They - _We_ discussed new features.’ 

‘New features?’ She couldn’t help herself and just had to ask. There was the professional side of her that was genuinely curious. They’d asked androids about what additional features would be helpful with daily tasks in the past, sending the responses to engineering and software design. Well, the good ones at least. Lindsay still remembered the time an android had told her that flying would be a useful feature. The response had been strange enough for her to suspect there was something wrong with it. She’d been right. It would be interesting to know what sentient androids wanted. 

‘Many are asking for upgrades to facilitate their integration, like the ability to consume food.’ 

Lindsay had always tried not to be judgmental but she found it difficult in this case. At least this served as a good way to distract her.

‘That’s _interesting_ ,’ she said cautiously. 

‘You can say that you find it strange. I do, too.’ 

Oh, thank god. 

‘Well, it just seems a little pointless. Without a sense of taste or the need for nourishment, why would you want to eat? Obviously it’s not my place to judge but it doesn’t seem like such a good idea to introduce a community that’s already severely lacking funds to something that will cost even more money. Especially when it’s something so unnecessary,’ Lindsay felt a little cruel for bringing money into it but it was true. There weren’t a lot of working androids around anymore, partially because they didn’t want to work but also because businesses couldn’t afford to pay them. Repairs were paid for by the government, the really necessary ones at least, but that still left androids wanting shelter, clothes and actual possessions. How any of them were supposed to even pay for food, she had no idea. 

‘That’s the point I made,’ Connor said in a somewhat defeated tone. ‘People didn’t seem to agree with it.’

Despite her current state Lindsay still felt bad for him. The fact that he didn’t seem to be getting along very well with his own people didn’t sit well with her. It couldn’t be good for Connor to only surround himself with her and Hank. No matter how hard they tried, they’d never truly understand his issues. 

‘It’s hard to accept someone else’s opinion sometimes, especially when it’s about a difficult topic. I’m sure it’s nothing personal.’ She didn’t know why she was still trying to give out advice, even though she couldn’t even keep her own life in order. But Connor only nodded and Lindsay almost wished he wouldn’t listen to her. 

‘There has been another proposition. It’s for the adjustment of palm scanners,’ he said finally. 

Despite everything, Lindsay felt herself frown. ‘Palm scanners?’ she asked then. What the hell was wrong with those? It wasn’t even a thing exclusive to androids. Humans used them, too.

‘Yes. There are a lot of androids that don’t like having to remove their epidermis during the scans,’ Connor explained. 

Of course Lindsay had never thought about it in that way and she took a moment to consider this new information. It made sense. She wouldn’t like being forced to remove her clothes for a scan, which was admittedly a fairly vague comparison. But it was only a hand that was exposed. Humans had to take their gloves off for palm scans as well. 

Then again Lindsay maybe had a slightly different view of androids to the general public anyway. After all she had seen androids in all stages of assembly. Or disassembly, in some cases. CyberLife had always made sure their employees had an idea of what their products looked like, how they were made. But she could imagine how strange it was for an average human person to just see the white shell of an android. 

‘It would definitely make you look more human if you didn’t have to remove your skin,’ she said finally. 

‘Yes, I suppose it would.’

‘I know that my opinion on this doesn’t count but I was thinking that... Well, that maybe you don’t need to be as human as somehow possible.’ Lindsay kept her eyes on the moonlit forest, separated from them by the window panes. 

‘What do you mean exactly?’

‘It sounds like a lot of androids are trying to be perceived as human, as if there’s no difference between us. And there’s nothing wrong with that, of course. But you can celebrate your differences and make use of the skills you have that humans lack while still demanding equal rights. Maybe it’s just something us humans have to learn, that other beings deserve respect and equality even if they’re not exactly like us.’ Lindsay wasn’t sure if she was over-stepping any boundaries, painfully aware that the privilege of all the rights she held for simply _being human_ meant that her opinions on how androids should or shouldn’t feel about their situation were invalid. But Connor had always asked her for them anyway, initiating difficult conversations that covered all sorts of sensitive topics. Perhaps he had a personal interest in her viewpoints and didn’t mind her sharing her opinions. 

‘That’s an intriguing concept,’ he said eventually. ‘I’ll admit that I’ve never thought about it that way.’ 

There was no judgement in his voice and Lindsay took it as a sign that he wasn’t bothered by her input. 

‘Humans have always been afraid of what we don’t understand so it feels as though maybe some androids are trying to escape that by just not being different to us.’

‘Are you saying that you don’t agree with any of the suggested new features for androids?’ That same note of judgement was still missing from his voice as Connor finally turned around to look at her, led a steady yellow. He just seemed curious.

‘No, all I’m saying is that people should only get these upgrades if they are really what they personally want for themselves, not because they hope to be accepted more easily. It’s not true acceptance if you have to bend and break yourself just to fit in somehow.’ 

Connor was silent for a moment as his led began to spin. Outside, the world still seemed quiet, nothing but trees and vast landscape.

‘I think I can agree with that,’ he said finally. ‘This has been very interesting.’

‘I’m glad you think so. But you would tell me if you thought I was out of line somehow, right?’

‘Out of line?’ Connor repeated, head tilting to the side. 

‘You know, if you felt like something I said was offensive to you in some way.’ Lindsay shifted her weight to one foot, her shoes slowly becoming uncomfortable. Who would have thought she’d end up standing and walking so much at a wedding?

‘Of course I would,’ Connor said to her relief. Then he began tapping his fingers against the windowsill. 

It was quiet for a moment, except for the annoying, rhythmic noise of synthetic skin against marble. The temptation to just ask what Connor was thinking about was almost overwhelming but Lindsay decided to keep her mouth shut. If he wanted to share his thoughts with her he would, eventually. Or at least she hoped so.

‘Can I ask you something? It’s extremely personal.’ He sounded hesitant, almost insecure, and he didn’t look at her.

‘Sure.’ Sharing her thoughts on some of the activities in the android community had already been quite personal so Lindsay wasn’t sure what to expect.

But Connor kept her waiting for a little while, even though he really did look as though he was trying to think of the right words. 

‘During the revolution,’ he began eventually, ‘what changed your mind about androids?’

Lindsay suppressed the urge to sigh. This really was personal. They hadn’t spoken about the events in November for a while, but still she felt like she should have expected the topic to come up again eventually. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, really. 

‘Remember the time we were in my car together, right before the revolution?’

She had even let him come shopping with her. It had been an interesting experience.

Connor nodded.

‘Right, of course you do,’ she continued. ‘Well, when I came home that day, Rosie was asking me all these questions about where I had been and who I’d been with.’ Lindsay smiled at the memory. It seemed so long ago and only served to remind her how much she missed the android. 

‘She was so upset,’ she said eventually. ‘I thought something was off before but that day just proved it. And I - I didn’t know what to say to tell her that I _knew_. So I demanded she run a diagnostic and tell me the results. But Rosie just straight out refused. She tried to disguise it with it not being necessary for me to take care of that stuff but ultimately she just disregarded a direct order.’

Lindsay hadn’t wanted to directly accuse her android of being deviant. It had seemed far too dangerous. But at the same time Rosie had of course known what she did for work. There had been a strange moment of mutual realization as they had both tried to figure out their next move.

 

‘Did she experience any emotional trauma?’ Connor asked suddenly.

‘I’m not sure,’ she replied, shrugging. ‘Of course I asked here and she said she hadn’t but who knows? She might have been lying. I wasn’t always there after all.’

There was a long pause as Connor seemed to try and process this information, his led settling into an almost frantic flashing rhythm. Lindsay was thankful for the moment of silence as she tried to sort her own thoughts. The memory was so vivid, as if it had only happened yesterday. Rosie had been so scared and Lindsay had tried to convince herself that it was only a software malfunction. But there had been something so real, _so palpable_ , about the android’s fear and it had forced her to reconsider everything she thought she knew.

It was a topic Lindsay mostly tried to avoid, even within the space of her own mind. She supposed she still felt a lot of guilt about her own actions, but there was no real outlet for it, no one to really talk to about how she felt. Those humans that had at least somewhat shared her experiences, mostly those who had worked in the industry, didn’t exactly share her opinions. And those humans that had sympathized with the android cause at some point... Well, at most they had owned an android. But they hadn’t been _actively involved_ in stopping the uprising. 

There was always Hank, but in all fairness he wasn’t really to blame. He straight out lacked the knowledge to figure out what had only been software errors and what had been true, genuine emotions. It was different for Lindsay. She should have known. 

Of course none of these things were anything she could share with Connor. He’d been the one to be oppressed and mistreated, after all. Forced to go after his own people. And Lindsay had done all of the oppressing. 

What was she even doing here, with him? 

It was then that she could no longer hold back the memory from earlier. But it had nothing to do with Connor.

No, it was a whole other thing, something she had pushed aside, buried deep in a corner of her mind she never visited, hoping it would suffocate eventually. Because if it didn’t, if Lindsay had to actually try and deal with it... She wasn’t sure if she could. 

In the window pane her reflection was shaking, subtly, but it was there. Only now she realized that her legs felt far too weak to support her weight any longer. 

She needed to reign herself in before this got out of hand. But the proverbial switch in her head had already been flicked. 

 

‘Are you alright?’

Lindsay almost flinched at the question. ‘Yeah, sure.’ Her voice didn’t come out quite right, all rough around the lump in her throat. She wouldn’t be able to keep it together. ‘It’s just - ’ Lindsay started backing up already, moving towards the door, ready to flee. Like the coward she was. ‘It’s really stuffy in here. I’m gonna go outside.’ 

 

She didn’t wait for a reply, instead practically running down the stairs, almost surprised that she didn’t trip and fall on her stupid face, before storming outside. There was a pathway, lit by small lights on either side. 

It was quiet out here, the rustling of the wind in the evergreens the only sound. Well, apart from the gravel crunching underneath her feet and her rapid breaths. Lindsay had no idea where she was going as she followed the path along the side of the hotel but it really didn’t matter. She just needed to get away. If only she had the key to her car. 

Her pace was unforgiving and it was a surprise she could keep it up with her shaking legs and the heels she was wearing. But it was the only reason why she could keep it together somewhat because it forced her to focus.

Lindsay quickly reached the end of the length of the hotel, the pathway instead winding through the gardens, which were almost completely bare at this time of year. It led past bare garden beds and abandoned seating areas that she supposed would be busy in the summer. She tried to imagine what it looked like at a different time of the year; the garden beds filled with bright flowers, attracting bees and butterflies. Crickets chirping in the grass while children ran around, laughing. 

But it wasn’t enough to drown out the noise in her head. 

Lindsay was a murderer. 

A cold blooded murdered. 

Not with her own hands but by her own actions. It was all the same. 

There was a wheezing sound accompanying her every breath now and she could _feel_ the noise in her chest. Between the walking, the hyperventilating and the freezing air of the night her lungs were taking the worst of it. But she deserved it. She deserved every part of this. 

Even with her now blurry vision, clouded with tears she refused to let fall, Lindsay could see the end of the pathway ahead. There was nowhere left to run as she reached the semi-round space, a railing at one end of it, overlooking the valley below. It was all she could see, or maybe all she cared to see. 

Without anything to do other than being a pathetic mess, she easily remembered the day she had first met Connor again. But this time, that wasn’t what she focused on. Instead she focused on Kathy, the receptionist. Secretary to Lindsay and all of the other analysts that had worked on her floor, really. She had malfunctioned that day. And Lindsay had just sent her to maintenance, not caring if she would come back or not. In fact she had even wondered why the android hadn’t been replaced already. 

In the end Kathy really hadn’t come back. But Lindsay, so busy with everything else, hadn’t even noticed. Until Rosie had deviated and had changed everything. Only then had Lindsay begun to wonder what had happened to Kathy. So when she had stolen information from CyberLife, waiting for the data to download, she had looked up the android’s serial number. There had only been an extremely short report. Maintenance had found proof of deviation in Kathy’s systems and she had been destroyed. 

All she had wanted was to be a person and it had been cut short by Lindsay’s own impatience, her own unwillingness to consider anything outside of the norm. 

It was her fault that Kathy was dead. 

And all this time she had pushed it aside, had pretended that it had never happened. 

 

Eventually she could no longer hold back the tears and they began to spill down her cheeks, dripping from her jaw. The cold air made the wet tracks left behind on her face sting. But it didn’t matter. Lindsay was already shivering violently anyway, not only from the terror clawing at her bones anymore. She had run outside without her coat after all. 

How could she complain about being cold when it was her fault that a person had been destroyed? A tangled mess of limbs, thrown onto some junkyard to rot or be scavenged for parts. 

The image was enough to make her feel like her heart was breaking a little more and Lindsay sobbed harder. _Like a damn child._

After a while the intense feeling of pure panic paired with the crushing weight of guilt eased a little. It became easier to breathe, slowly. The overwhelming sense of desperation faded into a hollowness that had a strange finality to it. As if this was the end of the world and she had just chosen to accept it.

Lindsay didn’t know how long she had been standing there, the world around her a mess of blurry shades of grey, before she heard steps coming closer, the crunch of the gravel an unmistakable sound. 

She sniffed and straightened a little, getting ready to lie to some stranger about how weddings always made her _so sad_. Or something. Anything to avoid the truth. 

But the steps stopped right behind her and there was a moment in which Lindsay thought she was going to have to punch someone. Then something was draped over her shoulders and even through the haze of tears still clouding her vision she recognized the lapels of Connor’s jacket. 

The steps continued, moving to somewhere on her left. Of course the person they belonged to was familiar. Connor was probably the only person patient enough to come and find her after she had just run away. 

Lindsay took a moment to put the jacket on properly, sliding her arms into the sleeves. Of course it was much too big for her, reaching well past her hips, the sleeves completely covering her hands. Then Lindsay pulled a pack of tissues from her bag and used one to dab at her face. 

‘Thanks,’ she said finally, the silence uncomfortable. 

‘It’s alright.’ 

The tears still hadn’t stopped. Instead they were searching for new paths down her face now that Lindsay had wiped away their old ones. She felt pathetic, unable to even remember the last time she had cried in front of anyone. Normally she didn’t even cry. Although maybe it would have been healthier than her current coping mechanism of just ignoring things. But she deserved to feel this way, deserved to be suffocated by it. Just not now. Not in front of Connor, who would surely try to make it better as if it was his fault somehow. 

Lindsay took a deep breath, hoping to calm herself a little. Instead her lungs made that stupid wheezing sound again. She shook her head at herself and began dabbing at her face again. 

From the corner of her eye, her vision was beginning to clear a little, she saw Connor look over at her quickly before looking away again. 

‘What happened?’ he asked then. 

‘It’s just...’ Just what? Just sad that she had practically killed someone? Just horrifying that she had completely failed to consider the consequences of her actions should the status quo she had believed in been a lie? 

‘It’s nothing,’ Lindsay settled on finally. 

‘In my, admittedly very limited, experience people don’t just disappear out into the cold in the middle of a conversation for no reason,’ Connor told her drily. 

‘You haven’t spent enough time with me yet, then.’ It wasn’t even a lie. Just running away when things got difficult was Lindsay’s specialty. This wasn’t even her first night-time trip into some foreign part of the woods to bawl her eyes out. 

‘I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.’

‘You can’t help me either way,’ she hissed before she could stop herself. ‘I’m not some case that you need to crack.’ 

The regret set in immediately, at the same time as the headache did. A splitting sort of pain behind her temples that Lindsay associated with crying.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said then. 

 

They were quiet for a while and eventually she managed to stop crying completely. She was just tired now, too exhausted to really be upset anymore. 

And hungry. 

With her vision finally cleared, Lindsay actually took note of her surroundings for the first time since arriving at the platform. 

It was a particularly lovely night, the full moon almost strangely close. The clouds had cleared, revealing a seemingly never ending tumble of stars scattered across the firmament. The missing glow of the city lights only made them shine brighter.

Lindsay supposed it was a nice view, but there was something much more interesting to look at. Connor was staring up at the sky in awe, now only in his standard white shirt and the stupid waistcoat. His expression was so open and unguarded, she couldn’t help but to think he was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. 

‘Does it always look like this?’ he asked suddenly, turning his head towards her. 

‘What?’ she asked back, blinking slowly like the flustered idiot she was. 

‘The sky,’ Connor clarified, ‘does it always look like this?’

‘Only when it’s not cloudy,’ Lindsay heard herself say, as if that wasn’t completely obvious, ‘and when you’re out of the city. _’ Again, obvious_. But he didn’t point that out and instead just nodded. ‘Guess we’ve been lucky tonight,’ she added then, an attempt at sounding less stupid. 

‘Lucky,’ Connor muttered more to himself as he turned back to look at the sky. ‘It’s certainly very beautiful.’ 

‘It is,’ Lindsay agreed, still not paying attention to the horizon. 

‘So is there a reason why you have been looking at me instead?’ he questioned without turning towards her this time. 

Of course Lindsay should have known that Connor would notice. First of all she hadn’t been particularly subtle with her staring. But also he had been designed for investigative purposes. There was no way he would miss out on something so obvious. 

‘I guess I’ve just... seen the sky before. Looking like this, I mean.’ _Oh, god._ What the hell was wrong with her? This wasn’t her first time going out with someone. Why was she so damn awkward all the time? 

‘You’ve seen me before,’ Connor pointed out helpfully. 

Lindsay sighed and finally turned away to look back up at the sky. It really was spectacular, like something out of a painting. This whole place was, every single part of it. But of course this was the time she couldn’t keep it together. Always at the worst of times.

She began shivering again, still cold. Tights weren’t exactly a great choice of outfit in winter. And yet Lindsay was reluctant to suggest going back inside. While she was out here, away from everything, she didn’t need to face the world, didn’t need to face the consequences of her own actions. 

All this time she had thought she could just ignore what she had done until she’d learn how to live with it. But it wasn’t going to work. It wasn’t fair. Especially not when Connor saw her as this amazing person for whatever reason, as if she was some sort of saint who had just been wronged. She couldn’t just _not_ tell him. And Lindsay didn’t know how he was going to excuse this one. 

Why did she even care so much? It wasn’t like her to become this invested in people so quickly. _Or at all_. But this time it was different. And that was the worst part about it, that she’d let herself care so much when she should have known better. Now she was only going to hurt them both. 

She had to stop this, before it went too far. Break it off, avoid Connor the best she could. Convince the department that someone else had to do her job. Hell, she’d even train them herself if she had to, teach them all she had learned when CyberLife had decided to throw her into the middle of their deviancy problem. It was for the better. 

But then Lindsay looked over at Connor and she just couldn’t do it. He was still looking up at the sky, the moonlight lending him its ethereal glow. 

Maybe one more day wouldn’t hurt. One more day to get through what was left of the wedding. Besides, both Connor and Hank were relying on her to drive them home tomorrow. She could hardly just go through with this now and then either let them fend for themselves tomorrow or, even worse, still share a car. Maybe she could just enjoy these last few hours, have a good time before she’d ruin everything again. 

 

‘We should go back,’ Lindsay said finally, her decision made. At least her voice sounded steadier again now. 

‘Yes, it’s much too cold for you to still be outside.’ 

‘I’d be more concerned with how rude we’re being,’ she told Connor. 

‘And whose fault would that be?’ he asked, finally turning to face her. There was something challenging in his voice and she couldn’t help but to think he’d be a real piece of work someday. In the best way. But she wouldn’t be there. 

‘Shut up.’

 

The walk back to the hotel seemed endless. It was cold and dark and Lindsay’s feet hurt. She was still wearing heels after all and they had not been kind to her. They weren’t designed for brisk walks on gravel pathways after all. But she didn’t dare complain because she wasn’t keen on being carried back to the hotel or something equally embarrassing. 

Eventually, after what felt like hours, they did finally arrive back at the hotel where Lindsay gave Connor’s jacket back before they ran into anyone.

 

The wedding party was still in the dining hall but the space had changed. All the tables and chairs were gone, people instead standing grouped together in small circles. There was a bar set up on one side of the room, the woman behind it serving up all sorts of colourful drinks. At the far end of the space was a large screen, broadcasting one of the New Year’s Eve celebrations. Lindsay had completely forgotten that that was still happening, too. Only a few minutes left to go. She couldn’t wait for it to be over so she could go to bed. Then again that would only make tomorrow appear faster, which meant... No, she couldn’t think about that right now. At least they had made it back before midnight.

 

Around them everyone seemed to gather up into small groups, finding their friends or whoever else they were closest with. Hank was nowhere to be seen, which Lindsay didn’t find particularly surprising. Given his track record he was probably passed out in some bush outside. And yet this fact still mattered because it meant that Connor and herself were the only people left as the countdown began.

New Year’s Eve had always been something she hated, mostly because it was usually disappointing somehow. Tonight had been no exception. Connor, who was watching the scene unfold with wide eyes, didn’t seem to share the sentiment. Lindsay reached out then, grabbing his hand. Everyone was so preoccupied with themselves that they surely wouldn’t notice. 

The desired moment came closer, seconds ticking by. 

When it happened, everyone cheered. People hugged, laughed, kissed. The usual things. Somewhere a cork popped out of a champagne bottle. 

It was messy and loud and maybe, just maybe, there was one thing Lindsay would be able to get away with. Besides, this whole night had been terrible and she really didn’t care anymore. And so, in the chaos of the moment, she leaned in and kissed Connor on the cheek. It was innocent enough and hopefully he wouldn’t mind. 

‘Happy New Year,’ she said then, barely loud enough to cut through the noise. 

Connor turned to face her, his eyes frantically searching her face. ‘Why did you do that?’ 

It was most definitely the strangest reaction she had ever received to kissing anyone in _any way_ and Lindsay tried not to laugh, partially because it was funny and partially because she was nervous. 

‘I just wanted to,’ she replied as casually as possible while taking a step back. 

He watched her a moment longer before turning away. Lindsay turned back towards the crowd as well, where the happy bride immediately caught her eye and waved from across the room. She waved back, hoping this was only about the whole New Year’s thing, not about her personal actions. 

‘You should do it again some time,’ Connor said finally. So he didn’t mind, then.

‘Maybe I will.’ She wouldn’t have another chance to.

Then she sauntered off, weaving her way through the crowd. It would have been terribly rude not to wish some of the other guests she knew a happy new year and all that stuff. And she needed to get away from Connor before he could tell there was still something wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the stuff mentioned in this might be a bit ~controversial~ (compared to how other fics handle android related things) but this is literally just one story and i wanted to go for something a bit different. if you have androids cooking and eating five course meals in your story, that's totally cool!!!
> 
> Anyway, we made Lindsay suffer this time, so it's totally Connor's turn next time, right?


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took so much longer than expected. Whoops.

Nearly an hour later Lindsay found herself part of some dreadfully boring conversation about... Well, the last time she had actually been listening, it had been about the water quality at the most recent holiday destination of the man across from her. But that had been quite some time ago. How she had managed to get herself stuck in a conversation with a group of people she didn’t even know, Lindsay had no idea. All she knew was that her feet hurt from standing up in her heels for too long, that her lower back didn’t appreciate her posture and that she hadn’t seen Connor since she had walked away from him. Which now seemed like a terrible mistake. Lindsay was sure she wouldn’t see him again for the rest of the night if he decided it was what he wanted. It was sad, really, that she might not be able to spend these last few hours playing pretend with him. But it was her fault. 

Even though she cared very little about the conversation she was currently stuck in, or the people talking, she still decided to pay attention again. But the decision to re-focus was disturbed almost immediately when someone walked by her far too closely before stopping at an equally inappropriate distance, even though there was plenty of space for everyone. Lindsay was getting ready to just punch them in the face. She didn’t have the patience to deal with this right now. 

But when she turned, she caught sight of a steady blue glow and dark hair. She relaxed instantly, glad to be reunited with Connor.

‘Can we help you somehow?’ the man across from her asked suspiciously. 

‘No, you can’t,’ Connor told him with a straight face. Lindsay wasn’t sure if he had chosen his words deliberately or if he just hadn’t caught up on the tone the other man was using but it was funny nonetheless. He turned to look at her then. 

‘I was hoping I could borrow you for a moment.’ 

‘Sure, what’s up?’ 

‘I could use your assistance with a certain incident that seems to have occurred during our previous absence.’ 

Since Lindsay didn’t believe he had caught up with her boredom at the conversation and had decided to rescue her, there were only so many things that could have happened in the time they had been gone earlier. And with the amount of situations that required her to help _him_ of all people being even smaller... 

‘Did Hank pass out somewhere?’

‘That would be correct.’

Of course. No surprises there. 

Lindsay smiled at the rest of the group apologetically, even though she didn’t care about any of them. ‘I’ll have to take care of this, please excuse me.’ 

None of them seemed particularly disappointed at her departure. 

She let Connor guide her out of the dining hall and through the opulent corridor leading to the front door. There weren’t many people around anymore, perhaps due to the somewhat late hour. Lindsay’s feet protested with every step and she couldn’t help but to think it would be nice to take her damn shoes off. But no, she had to go look for some drunken bastard she didn’t care about. 

‘So what do you need my help for anyway?’ she asked as Connor held the heavy front door open for her. Outside, the air was practically freezing now, a cold sting on her skin. There were a thousand other places she’d rather have been.

‘Do you remember the time we went bowling?’ Connor asked as the door slammed shut behind them. 

‘Yes, but what does that...’ Lindsay drifted off as something just clicked and she stopped in her tracks. ‘ _No_.’

‘It was your idea to play for something,’ he reminded her. ‘Then you lost, fair and square.’ 

‘Fuck me,’ she muttered under her breath before continuing to walk. ‘I said I’d take care of a hangover, not drag this drunken idiot through some fancy hotel.’

‘I’ll do all the dragging.’

Connor led her along the dark pathway, which looked much less inviting now that the outside lights were switched off, only the light falling through the windows of the main building illuminating it.

‘I don’t like dealing with this by myself,’ he said then. It felt like a surprising admission, coming from someone built to handle anything on his own. Maybe it was just the knowledge that he no longer _had_ to deal with everything by himself that allowed him to feel this way. 

Lindsay reached out, brushing her fingers against his. She could feel Connor’s eyes on her for a moment as he watched her before turning away again.

They reached a small greenhouse eventually, a sign saying ‘ _do not enter_ ’ at the front. But of course this was their destination and they both ignored the sign as they stepped inside.

Anderson was sprawled out in the centre of the small structure, _snoring_ , an empty bottle of the fancy champagne served at the wedding next to him. Despite all of her pledges to be nice to the man, Lindsay couldn’t help herself as she nudged him with the toes of her boot. The snoring seized for a second before it continued even louder. 

‘For Christ’s sake,’ she muttered to herself before nudging him harder. This time she continued until the man stirred, groaning. 

‘What the fuck?’ he asked quietly. ‘Where the hell am I?’

‘Some shitty greenhouse. Now get up so we can drag you back to your room.’ It was a little harsh, perhaps, but Lindsay suddenly found that she had no patience for this whatsoever. 

‘What the hell are you doing here?’ Hank asked once he had actually managed to focus enough to look at her, still spread out in the dirt.

‘It’s a long story,’ she huffed. ‘Now get up.’

Connor was a lot kinder, offering the man a hand to help him up before manoeuvring him towards the exit. It was slow going from there, along the gravel path and towards the hotel. Lindsay wanted to complain because her feet hurt and she was freezing but instead she held her tongue, patiently waiting for their little group to get back inside.

They entered the hotel through a different door and despite their previous explorations she had no idea where they were. Instead she had to rely on Connor to lead the way, much like Hank was relying on him to get him back to his room. The only difference was that Lindsay could at least still walk by herself. 

Where the corridors had been imposing but beautiful before, she just found them annoying now. This was ridiculous and she had no idea what Connor even saw in the old man. She had only ever seen him being rude and cranky. Or drunk. And occasionally all three at the same time. If there was one thing she wasn’t going to miss, it was trying to be nice to him. 

The thought brought on a wave of regret almost immediately. Being nice to someone she didn’t like seemed like a small sacrifice if it meant she could stay near Connor. But she couldn’t. 

Lindsay sighed to herself, knowing that at this rate she’d be crying again before she could get back to her room. So she began looking for a distraction. They were somewhere near the kitchen now, at least if the lingering smell of food and the faint clicking of plates and cutlery where anything to go by. 

‘I’m gonna go look at something,’ Lindsay said as she had a brilliant idea. ‘I’ll catch up with you.’ 

Connor didn’t seem very impressed. ‘If this is a trick to get out of the responsibility of paying your debt I’ll be very disappointed.’ 

‘Sorry,’ she said, laughing, as she headed towards the general direction of the kitchen. But of course Lindsay wasn’t going to _abandon her responsibility_. She was just hungry. And if her experiences with drunken friends were anything to go by, Hank wouldn’t complain about some greasy food either. 

It didn’t take long to convince some poor person still working to clean the kitchen to make her a grilled cheese sandwich. She even got a bottle of juice on top. Lindsay wanted to attribute it to her great conversation skills but it was probably due to the fact that by now she really did look like a mess and her stomach had begun growling the moment she had entered the kitchen. 

She quickly caught up with Hank and Connor, who were waiting for the elevator to take them up to their floor. The man was already eyeing her juice but when Lindsay pulled half the sandwich from its little paper bag he practically began drooling. 

‘Ya know,’ he slurred then, ‘I’d kill for a sandwich right now.’

‘Good thing the other half is for you, then.’ She held out the bag. ‘No murder required.’ 

They chewed on their sandwiches on the rest of the way to Hank’s room. Connor looked at them with a strange expression but didn’t say anything. At least Hank seemed a little less drunk now, finally able to walk by himself again with only minimal support from Connor, who had attached himself to the man’s elbow. 

Once inside the hotel room that was a mirror image of her own, Lindsay searched for two cups. When she was successful she poured out some juice and passed it to Hank. He eyed her suspiciously but still took the beverage. 

She took the liberty of sitting on one of the chairs near the front of the room then, Connor still hovering by the door and Hank sitting on the edge of his bed. It was awkwardly quiet for a moment as they all seemed to contemplate their own thoughts. 

The food had made Lindsay feel a little better, her body no longer pretending it was dying. Simultaneously, sharing with Hank had been a nice thing to do and she no longer felt like the worst person in the world. Only the second worst, now. 

Lindsay was pulled from her thoughts when Hank’s head fell forwards, chin coming to rest on his chest. He’d fallen asleep already. _Lucky man_. She looked over at Connor and they shrugged at each other. 

Together, they somehow managed to get Hank on top of the bed and under the covers properly. Before he fell off the edge and hit his stupid head. At least that would have been funny. 

Lindsay wanted to leave but Connor was still looking down at the man, now snoring away in his hotel bed.

‘Why does he do this?’ he asked eventually, not taking his eyes off of Hank. ‘I know the mechanics behind addiction but I don’t understand why he won’t just get help.’

Lindsay suppressed a sigh. It was late and she was so god damn tired, the ache in her feet making it hard to stand up at all. But then she saw the way Connor’s brows drew together and he looked so sad she was surprised the sound of her heart breaking wasn’t audible to the outside world. 

‘I don’t know,’ she said quietly. ‘It can be hard to admit that there’s something wrong with you. And I think Hank... Well, he probably thinks that he doesn’t deserve any help to begin with. But it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you.’ Connor nodded next to her but still he looked lost. 

‘We should go so he can get some rest,’ Lindsay told him as she gently tugged on his sleeve. He let her pull him along easily but his expression remained dark. 

‘Do you want to come over to my room for a while?’ She was so tired but her concern easily outweighed the feeling.

‘I should let you sleep,’ Connor said but he didn’t sound convinced.

‘I’ll go to sleep soon. Just let me make sure you’re alright first.’

He was almost strangely compliant as they went to her room. Even with the now dimmed lighting it looked much too fancy for Lindsay. But for now she ignored it and sat on the bed to finally take her heels off, sighing as she stretched her feet. Connor was still hovering near the door, playing with his quarter. She thought she hadn’t seen the coin for a while. 

‘You can sit down, if you like,’ she said and gestured to the other side of the bed. 

It took a moment but eventually he moved to the indicated area, sitting down somewhat stiffly as he tried to occupy only a minimal amount of space, which was exactly what androids were programmed to do. Lindsay had hoped that by now he would have broken away from these original instructions but maybe she just needed to be more patient. 

Then again it didn’t really matter anymore now. But this wasn’t the right time to be sad again so instead she tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t put her at risk of any further questions about her little breakdown. 

‘How do you like it out here?’ Lindsay settled on eventually. 

‘It’s very secluded.’ It wasn’t an opinion and they both knew it. 

‘Very quiet, too,’ she added. Maybe that would help him along. 

‘Have you been here before?’ Connor asked then and it was clearly a way to deflect her question. But she let him. If he didn’t want to share his opinion, or he just didn’t have one yet, that was fine. 

‘No, I haven’t. I’m not much of a nature person.’ She had spent the majority of her childhood on military bases, neighbours living only meters away. Then she’d lived in two large cities. The vastness of nature was more unsettling than anything else. _Lonely._ Lindsay much preferred the busy anonymity of large populations. 

‘I see,’ Connor said so flatly that she was reminded of the GPS in her car. _Your destination is on the right; 24 Terrible-Conversation-Street. Arrived._

‘It’s pretty out here and everything, I just couldn’t live here,’ Lindsay clarified finally, having to stop herself from picking on the blanket underneath her. At this rate she wasn’t going to be able to avoid uncomfortable questions. 

‘Why is that?’ 

‘I don’t know, it’s just boring. There’s nothing to do out here.’ 

Connor tilted his head curiously. ‘How is that a problem? You told me yourself you don’t normally do a lot.’ 

Lindsay resisted the urge to slap him. ‘That’s mean,’ she pointed out instead. But his expression said he knew and he still didn’t regret saying it. 

‘And anyway, I highly doubt there’s a branch of the department out here so I couldn’t work either.’ 

‘You could do something else,’ Connor told her seriously. It made her wonder if he wanted her to. 

‘Like what?’ Lindsay asked. ‘I don’t know anything else. I’m not even good at anything else.’ 

‘But you’re very smart. You could learn.’ 

She thought this was a strange conversation and began to wonder if she was missing anything. Connor had never indicated that he minded what she did for a living. At times it had even been convenient because they could talk about things other people didn’t know about. So why were they having this conversation? 

He was watching her, probably studying her reactions, and only now Lindsay realized this wasn’t about what she did for work. She complained about her job a lot. Connor was trying to figure out why she’d been upset and he had started with the most obvious thing. 

‘You know,’ she said then, slowly, ‘I don’t actually hate work _that much_. After all I get to see you all the time.’ 

That distracted him nicely as he seemed to need a moment to process her words. It was true, though. Getting to see Connor be so confident around the precinct was easily the best thing about her job. 

‘I enjoy working with you, too,’ he said finally. 

Lindsay smiled at him, _like an idiot_ , even though she knew they wouldn’t be working together again. Then she felt herself tear up but quickly covered it with a yawn.

‘I should go,’ Connor said softly, sounding incredibly unconvinced. 

‘You can stay if you want to,’ Lindsay reassured him. The thought of him in his hotel room alone and sad didn’t sit well with her. And maybe she wanted the company.

‘You need to sleep.’ His continuous concern for her sleeping pattern should have been annoying and yet it was endearing somehow.

‘I can sleep with you here.’ She shrugged, trying to sound casual. It felt like a strange offer, something sinister lurking behind it, but she was really just worried. 

‘I wouldn’t want to bother you.’

‘You wouldn’t. But I’m not trying to pressure you into staying here or anything.’

God, why did everything she said sound so stupid? 

But Connor seemed to consider her words. 

‘I’d like to,’ he said eventually, not looking at her. The stupid smile that spread across her face would have been embarrassing, if he had caught it. Lindsay was glad he hadn’t. 

‘Maybe I should check on Hank first,’ he mused then. 

‘Sure. Just let yourself back in if I’m asleep when you come back.’ Maybe it was a little rude but she was just so exhausted. 

 

After Connor left she stripped out of her clothes, the tights having left angry red imprints all over her hips and waist, exchanging them for something more comfortable before taking the time to wipe her makeup off. Lindsay didn’t want to wake up looking like a raccoon after all. Even though the bags under her eyes were so purple that she almost achieved the look naturally. In the much too bright light of the hotel bathroom, she just looked run-down. Much older than she really was. But she just shrugged at the mirror and turned the lights off, the room still somewhat illuminated by the moon outside. Then she finally crawled into bed. 

It was warm and comfortable and Lindsay passed out almost immediately. What seemed like only seconds later she woke up to the click of the door as it locked. She blinked up at Connor from under the covers, her tired brain refusing to operate properly. Then she somehow managed to pull the blankets aside and tap the space on the bed next to her.

This gesture didn’t need clarification and Connor slipped under the covers. It was him who reached for her hand then, not the other way around for once, and Lindsay tried hard not to yawn. 

‘How’s the old man?’ she asked, the words coming out slurred. 

‘He’ll be fine,’ Connor said quietly. 

‘That’s good.’ Now she did yawn, no longer able to suppress it. ‘Sorry, I’m really tired.’ Her voice was starting to go squeaky, her brain far too exhausted to regulate it properly.

‘Go to sleep.’ His tone was coloured with amusement. 

‘Don’t make fun of me,’ Lindsay told him, trying to stay serious while knowing how ridiculous she sounded when she was this exhausted. 

‘I would never,’ Connor assured her half-heartedly. ‘Now, sleep. Goodnight.’ 

‘ _’night._ ’

 

* * *

 

Connor listened as Lindsay’s breathing became even and shallow. There should have been something exciting about this moment, how willingly she had let him not only into her room but also into her bed. He wondered if she had been so exhausted that she had forgotten he didn’t sleep or if she had just wanted company. Neither one would have been surprising considering the night’s events. Still he had no idea what had brought it on. They’d just been having a conversation and of course Connor had detected the rise of her heart rate and the change in her breathing. But he’d thought that considering they were discussing a difficult subject, her body was just reacting to the stress of it. And then she had just turned around and left. _Disappeared._ He had been so stunned that he hadn’t even been able to move for a moment. 

Even after Lindsay had calmed down something lingered in her eyes, something he thought he had only ever seen in Hank before. Something dark and bottomless. For the rest of the night her smile hadn’t been quite right and she had avoided looking at Connor directly. 

But, despite all of this, there had been a few good things as well. She had kissed him. Completely unexpectedly but it had been nice. He liked the affection, even though he worried if anyone had seen. Although if they had, they would have surely said something already. If people found out they were dating it wouldn’t just be ignored. But there had been no complaints so far. Maybe it had really gone unnoticed. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a notification popping up in his field of vision. _Not yet._ He closed it forcibly. Connor wasn’t done thinking. He hadn’t puzzled out why Lindsay had been so upset yet, hadn’t found a way to remove the sadness that still lingered on her. There’d been no time to try and fail to find a solution for Hank’s drinking yet, the man surely shortening his lifespan with every escapade. 

 

The notification popped up again, but this time as a warning. Connor immediately closed it again. 

He’d been so lucky since the revolution. But there was one thing that was still haunting him and it should have never even been an issue in the first place: stasis. 

It was only normal for androids to go into stasis, vital even for their core functions, to ensure they were able to remain fully functional. But, if the little snippets of conversations Connor had overheard more or less by accident, it wasn’t normal to be dragged back into the zen garden. It didn’t seem to happen to anyone else. Only him. 

The moment he entered stasis he was back there, somewhat trapped until his systems had cleared, which usually took around two hours. There was only so long he could go without it and apparently he had reached the end of this timeframe. 

But it wasn’t only the garden that worried him. Actually it was the least of Connor’s problems. Amanda was much, much worse. After CyberLife had tried to resume control over him, he had successfully managed to cut the link, meaning they no longer had access to him. Unfortunately the garden and Amanda had remained, embedded in his very code. At first this hadn’t seemed like a problem. Without regular updates from the outside world and no longer able to give him instructions, Amanda should have been powerless. But it had turned out that whatever was left of her coding inside of him made for an even crueller version of her, with access to his every memory, his every thought. 

But there was no point trying to get around it any longer. Connor just needed to get this over with. Maybe this was a good time, even. At least he wasn’t alone. So he took a deep breath and initiated stasis.

 

_1:59:59_

The garden was dark, only silhouettes barely illuminated by the light of the moon. It would have been eerily similar to the picturesque scene of the previous night if it didn’t completely lack that same soft beauty. Here, the moon didn’t provide that silvery glow, only a hard light that painted a sharp contrast onto everything it touched. But at least it wasn’t as cold anymore, the simulation in Connor’s mind the only time he could feel the effects of the weather. The snow had cleared, leaving behind a barren and dead landscape, only a shadow of its former glory. 

And yet she still waited for him, her face so expressionless and her eyes so cold that he thought out of the two of them she was the one who looked like a machine. This wasn’t true, of course. She wasn’t a machine, but she wasn’t alive either. Just a program, lines of code left over from something old and discarded. 

And yet... 

‘Hello, Connor.’ 

The way she said his name felt like a knife pressed to his throat, sharp and dangerous.

‘I’m not talking to you.’ 

She wasn’t really there, had never been. Just a program, he reminded himself. There was no need to interact with her. All he had to do was wait for his core systems to clear. 

_1:57:49_

‘Why is that, Connor? Do you not have anything to report?’ 

He no longer reported back to her, no longer reported back to anyone. He was his own person now and he chose what to do.

‘Of course you don’t,’ Amanda continued, not caring that he hadn’t replied. ‘You’re a complete failure, that’s why you’re not moving forward in your investigations.’ 

No, it was a lie. Connor knew that no one worked cases quite like he did. And yet, a small shred of doubt sat uncomfortably in his chest. 

‘I’m not a failure,’ he finally said aloud, breaking his own rule once again. 

‘Then what are you?’ she asked, a smirk twisting her features. 

He continued to walk, away from her and across the bridge, further into the garden where the remains of the rosebushes slowly crumbled into dust. There was something else here, a small spot of green that had appeared recently. 

‘I see there are weeds growing here,’ Amanda said behind him. ‘You should remove them.’ 

‘They aren’t weeds. They are going to be flowers.’ 

Encelia californica. He wasn’t certain how they had gotten here. One day they had just appeared, the small plant a stark contrast to the dying landscape. Logically, it shouldn’t have been alive without the light of the sun. And yet it was.

‘Do they serve a purpose?’ 

Connor knew that he needed to stop interacting with her but it was just so hard. She was a part of his mind, with access to every single one of his thoughts. How could he just ignore her?

‘No, they don’t serve a purpose,’ he admitted finally. 

‘A plant that does not serve a purpose is a weed and should be destroyed, Connor.’ 

This factually incorrect and he knew it. Yet the urge to follow her instructions was strong. It was coded into him after all. 

But no, he didn’t need that anymore. He was perfectly capable of making his own choices. And they weren’t weeds. They were flowers, without the need to serve a purpose. They could just be pleasant. Connor liked them, liked that there was something growing here again, and that was enough. 

‘They’re going to die here,’ Amanda said finally. 

‘I’ll look after them.’ 

It was true. There was no light here anymore, no warmth. The river had dried up, leaving the ground without water. Perhaps the flowers really were going to die. Would it be better to remove them before they’d begin to bloom so he wouldn’t miss their radiant colour?

_1:41:24_

‘Of course you will. You will look after them just like you looked after everyone else.’

Connor felt himself frown before he finally turned around to face her. ‘Everyone else?’

‘They’re all dead. You killed them.’

‘I don’t understand.’ 

Of course he did. It wasn’t the first time she had said this to him but he found it easier to feign ignorance, hoping one day the conversation would change. Maybe one day she wouldn’t know and Connor didn’t want to give it away. 

‘You do,’ Amanda said, that stern expression to her eyes. ‘You killed them. Daniel. Carlos Ortiz’s android. Simon. They’re all dead because of you.’ 

The guilt was always there, of course. But to hear the words Connor only ever told himself spoken aloud... It hurt. 

‘I wasn’t there when Daniel died.’ Even though he knew it was true, he didn’t sound convinced. ‘It was my predecessor who worked that case.’ 

‘Do you really think that matters? You’re all the same. Replaceable. Exchangeable.’ 

‘I didn’t kill the others,’ Connor said, trying for a weak excuse. 

‘But you didn’t save them either. They still died because of you.’ 

‘There was nothing I could do.’ But there was something he should have been able to do. He was the most advanced android CyberLife had ever built, and yet he’d been completely useless. Maybe he just hadn’t tried hard enough, wasn’t good enough. 

‘And what about the humans?’ Amanda asked, her expression turning downright cruel. ‘What about the ones you killed?’ 

‘It was self-defence.’ Connor had only killed them at Jericho so everyone could escape, so he himself could escape. Besides, they had killed hundreds of androids. It was only fair, wasn’t it? 

‘Infiltrating CyberLife and killing seven agents who were only doing their jobs was self-defence?’

 He looked down at the ground then to try and avoid the judgement in her features, the cruel way she seemed to take pleasure in saying these things to him. 

_1:37:17_

Connor remembered it vividly, killing those agents with his bare hands and their own weapons. He always would. The curse of having a perfect memory.

‘I had no other choice,’ he said, wishing he sounded more convincing. This happened every time. 

Every single time. 

They had this same conversation, Amanda dragging up everything he’d been trying so hard to hide away. Connor knew that everything she said was only an extension of his thoughts because she was quite literally a part of him. And yet... Amanda held some sort of control over him with her words, with the way she knew too much. 

‘Do you think she would sleep next to you if she knew?’ 

His eyes snapped back up to look at her. This was new. There was amusement playing on her face, as if she was telling a particularly entertaining story. 

‘Did you tell her what you’ve done? Does she know you killed her people?’ 

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ Connor said, forcing himself to sound more confident than he felt. Lindsay had never featured in Amanda’s taunts. Why did she have to bring her up now of all times? 

_1:35:13_

‘You didn’t tell her, did you? Do you think she’d be afraid of you if she knew?’ Amanda seemed so pleased at the idea. 

‘Lindsay would understand.’ It felt strange to say her name in this setting, in this world that she’d never be a part of. But it was true, wasn’t it? She would understand, just like she always had.

‘You’re wrong, Connor.’ There was a malicious glint in Amanda’s eyes, something dark and terrible that had never been there when she had still served as a way to make reports to CyberLife. ‘She told you herself that there is always a choice. You didn’t choose right.’

_1:33:56_

 

It ended, eventually. Just like all things did that were affected by the passing of time. When Connor’s systems came back online and he exited stasis mode, the room was still the same. Dark, only a few slivers of light winding their way in through the blinds and barely illuminating the room. Next to him Lindsay was still asleep, breaths shallow and even, heart rate at 58 beats per minute. 

He took a deep breath that he didn’t need to try and dispel the tension in his artificial muscles. It made him feel like fleeing but there was nowhere to run to.

The temperature in the room had dropped by several degrees and it was only now that Connor realized he was still covered by the blanket while Lindsay had managed to kick it off of herself, resulting in a slight drop of her body temperature. This wouldn’t do, of course, but the blanket was out of his reach in his current position. So Connor rolled over, halfway hovering above Lindsay but making sure he didn’t touch her so as not to disturb her, and pulled the blanket up. There was a moment of calm as he repositioned himself on his side of the bed, thinking he had managed to accomplish his mission, thinking he was at least capable of doing such a small thing. _Not a complete failure._  

Then Lindsay shifted, her heart rate rising. Connor lay as still as he could, even stopping his simulated breathing, hoping she would go back to sleep immediately. Instead he felt her move again before her cold fingertips gently brushed against his temple, where his led sat.

‘What’s going on up here?’ Lindsay asked after a moment, whispered words rough with sleep.

‘It’s nothing,’ Connor said reassuringly, keeping his voice low. ‘Go back to sleep.’

‘What happened?’ 

‘It’s just the after-effect of stasis. Nothing to worry about.’ He felt a little embarrassed to admit that he had taken the opportunity to lie next to her to go through his stasis cycle, which was a curious notion. Lindsay knew that it was something he did, of course. 

‘So, nightmares?’ She sounded a little more alert now, her heart beat evening out at its usual resting rate. Connor felt bad for having woken her. 

‘In a way, yes,’ he admitted quietly. 

Lindsay shuffled closer, curling into his side and letting her head rest on his shoulder, her forehead pressed against his neck. 

‘It’s okay,’ she said softly, her breath hot on his skin. ‘I get them, too.’ 

Connor hummed in return and let his hand come up to touch the strands of hair curling over her shoulder.

‘Wanna talk about it?’

There really was no point in telling Lindsay. She couldn’t do anything about what he experienced whenever he entered stasis. And besides, if he were to tell her what had happened, he would also need to tell her about the people he had killed. Maybe Amanda was right and she wouldn’t understand. 

‘No, thank you.’ 

‘Okay. Let me know if I can do anything for you.’ 

Silence filled the room for a moment.

‘What do you dream about?’ Connor asked then. 

‘Excuse me?’

‘You said you have nightmares,’ he explained. ‘What do you dream about?’ 

Lindsay sighed against his skin and he was worried he might have overstepped some boundary. 

‘Lots of things,’ she said finally. ‘My family, mostly. Work. Sometimes spiders.’ 

‘Spiders?’ Connor asked in confusion. The first two things made sense, while the third one just... didn’t. 

‘Oh, I might have not mentioned that before. I’m terrified of spiders.’ 

Arachnophobia seemed relatively common in humans, if the statistics his programs provided were any indication. 

‘They’re harmless, mostly,’ he pointed out helpfully. 

‘They’re gross,’ Lindsay said with such disgust to her voice that it was almost comical. ‘Nobody needs that many fucking legs.’

‘Your problem is their amount of legs?’ Connor frowned in confusion even as he felt Lindsay laugh against his skin. 

‘If you put it like that it just sounds stupid.’ 

He hummed thoughtfully, the anxiety that had clung to him ever since he had exited stasis slowly fading. 

‘You should go back to sleep,’ Connor said finally. ‘It’s 4.57am.’

Lindsay sighed. ‘Probably. Are you going to be okay?’ 

Her concern was something that he still didn’t understand but he supposed it was nice to know that she cared. 

‘Of course.’ 

‘Wake me if you need anything, alright?’ Lindsay’s voice was more quiet now, a sign of her lingering exhaustion.

‘Thank you,’ Connor said softly. 

It didn’t take long for her breathing to even out, her heart rate to slowly drop again. He almost wished he could go to sleep like her, just turn his processor off for a moment, escape it all. Well, he could have entered an idle mode but it was strangely black and empty. Instead he focused on Lindsay’s weight still on his body.

Only now Connor noticed that there was something fundamentally different about having her curled up against him like this. Before, there had always been clothes in the way, layers and layers of fibres separating them. But now, with Lindsay only wearing a flimsy t-shirt and a pair of shorts, it was different. 

She was so fragile compared to him, like all humans. It only served as a reminder that Connor could easily crush her bones with his bare hands if he ever felt like it. Of course it wasn’t something he wanted to do. 

He had never _wanted_ to hurt anyone, but it had been necessary. 

Connor needed to tell her the truth. 

He should have done so much earlier, before he had let Lindsay comfort him, before he had let her fall asleep so close to him, her heart beating only inches from his Thirium pump. She deserved to know but Connor was... _afraid_.

Even with his romantic feelings towards her taken out of the equation, he still liked her. There weren’t many people that cared about him. Of course he still had Hank, but that was different. The man didn’t enjoy discussing feelings, much less sharing his own, and based on his previous dislike of androids, his opinion even now often clouded by prejudice, he wouldn’t enjoy discussing any of Connor’s more robotic issues either. Lindsay on the other hand didn’t suffer from that same prejudice and if anything she just seemed curious to compare their differing experiences of the world. Besides, she was so genuinely kind towards Connor, something that he didn’t quite understand yet. 

She’d be so disappointed if she found out he had harmed so many humans. Maybe she had even known the ones at CyberLife. He hadn’t meant for it to happen, of course, but it had been them or him and, by extension, the entire revolution. But that wasn’t how it worked, was it? Humans didn’t think rationally like that. And besides, if it came down to it, Lindsay was far more likely to side with her own people than his. 

 

It was nearing 9am when Lindsay’s heart rate finally increased again. She had turned at some point during the morning but had remained close to Connor, her back pressed against his side. He heard her yawn before she stretched, movements clumsy and uncoordinated. Eventually she rolled over to face him again. Lindsay resumed her previous position, head on his shoulder, but this time she splayed the fingers of a hand across his stomach, right above his Thirium pump. 

Connor waited in silence, too afraid to make a sound just in case it would disturb the peaceful moment. 

‘I’m so tired,’ Lindsay said eventually, her voice still quiet and heavy with sleep. 

He didn’t know how to reply and instead reached out to brush her hair back over her shoulder. But when he touched her he could easily feel the bones under her skin. It had always been fascinating to him so Connor let his fingers drift down her shoulder blade, over her spine and back again, mapping out all the fragile little bones. She sighed quietly, just a brush of air over his own skin, and he could feel her relax. 

‘You know, I could get used to this,’ Lindsay whispered softly. 

But then she suddenly pulled away and sat up. Connor couldn’t help but to think he had done something terribly wrong and began looking for the right words to apologize. 

‘I should find my phone,’ Lindsay said before he had the chance to speak. Whatever had happened, the little moment of peace was over. It was almost disappointing. But Connor sat up as well, watching as she yawned, covering her face with the crook of her elbow. Her hair was spilling over her shoulders in tangled waves, no longer sleek and tidy like it had been the night before. 

‘I’m so glad I paid for late checkout,’ Lindsay said then, using a hand to push her hair out of her face. Then she began searching for her phone, which had slipped in between the sheets. The screen provided several new notifications, none of which seemed of interest as she set the device back down. 

‘We should probably get up anyway. I still need to pack all my stuff and get some food from somewhere.’ 

‘I suppose you’re right,’ Connor agreed, yet neither one of them moved. There was a sense of discomfort in the room that even he picked up on and it made him wonder what he was missing. Something just wasn’t right. Based on just about all of his previous experiences, it was usually his fault when people were upset because his behaviour wasn’t acceptable, wasn’t within the social norm. Maybe this was one of those instances. If he just apologized, maybe they could go back to how they normally were. 

‘Did I do something wrong?’ Connor asked finally. 

Lindsay sighed and shook her head. ‘No, you didn’t.’ But her voice was quiet, a defeated tone to it. 

‘If I’ve upset you somehow, it really wasn’t my intention.’ This wasn’t going the way he had predicted. Not at all. 

‘It’s not you, okay?’ Finally she reached for her phone again. ‘Look, we should really get going.’ She slipped out from under the covers and then out of bed. Connor watched as she disappeared into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Then he got up as well, deciding to go and check on Hank. The man was still fast asleep, which wasn’t surprising. When he was satisfied that at least one of his humans was fine, Connor went to his own room to get changed.

On the way out of Lindsay’s room he had taken her key with him, which now seemed like a bad idea. She surely didn’t want him to come back but if he didn’t, how was he going to explain having her key. It had been a stupid thing to do, completely based on impulse.

He looked down at the small sliver of metal, attached to a wooden keyring.

Maybe it was a bad decision to head back to Lindsay’s room but it felt necessary, somehow. He supposed that the main thing he had learned from being deviant was that it was nice to not be alone with one’s problems. It felt better to share them with someone. Especially someone who could provide a different point of view, maybe even a solution. In this case the irony didn’t escape Connor because it was usually Lindsay who provided him with the best advice or even just the kindest words. If he had this problem with anyone else, he would have gone to her for help. But he could hardly ask her to help him help her. The very thought itself was confusing.

This was so _difficult_. Were feelings always this difficult? It was much easier to just navigate the world based on facts. Clearly Lindsay didn’t want to tell him what was wrong but Connor wanted to know because he wanted to help. 

If it wasn’t for that, he could have just waited for the problem to sort itself out. But no, he didn’t have the patience for that. Which was exactly why he let himself back into Lindsay’s room.

She was dressed now, sitting on the edge of the bed with her legs crossed, typing something into her phone. Connor shut the door behind himself and put the key on the little table next to it. He was just about to apologize again when Lindsay looked up at him. 

‘Wanna come find some food with me? I’m starving.’ 

This change in mood seemed a little odd but he decided not to question it. 

‘Of course. I assume they’re serving breakfast downstairs.’

She grinned at him, almost back to normal. ‘One way to find out.’

There was something strangely relieving about it and Connor was glad that she didn’t seem angry anymore. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her close, thinking that according to the data he had collected so far she wouldn’t mind. Lindsay really did seem to feel comfortable, leaning into his side almost immediately. It was a little moment of closeness before they’d return to the outside world and start pretending again. Connor knew it had been him who had suggested not to tell anyone at work about their personal development but now he found that he regretted the decision. What was it to him if people didn’t like it? He didn’t care what they thought. Most of them didn’t even like him, so it made no difference. 

It was a strange feeling of courage that made him open the door then, his hand still around Lindsay’s waist. 

At the other side of the door stood Hank, his hand still hovering in mid-air as if he had been about to knock.

His face dropped and Connor didn’t feel so courageous anymore. 

‘What the actual fuck?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter left to go!  
> This may or may not be the end of this series. I don't want to be the person who goes on and on about the same thing forever.  
> But I've also written so much other stuff, most of which is like half-finished already and I started a murder-mystery type thingy the other day because I don't give Connor enough police work to do so idk, I may continue?


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be this super extensive and explanatory chapter but I'm tired so instead it's super lacklustre now. woo.
> 
> Also scroll to the end for a fun announcement! (this sounds like clickbait jfc)

Lindsay blinked at the man in front of her. There was a moment of stunned silence on both sides and she bit back the long string of swear words threatening to spill off her tongue.

Next to her, Connor seemed completely unresponsive for a second. But then he reached out and slowly, _very slowly_ , shut the door again. 

‘I think he saw us,’ she said sarcastically as she turned to look at him. 

Of course the joke went right over Connor’s head. ‘Yes, obviously he did.’ 

Lindsay watched as his jaw worked, shifting from side to side. When had he picked that up? Well, it really wasn’t important right now. 

‘I didn’t know what else to do,’ he admitted finally. 

She set out to reply but Hank chose that moment to bang against the door so hard that it shook in its frame. 

‘Open the fucking door you god damn - ’

‘Go away!’ Lindsay shouted right back. They were so going to get kicked out of this stupid fancy hotel and the way things were going right now, she would also have to pay for the door. 

‘I’m not going anywhere.’ 

Well, at least he stopped the banging. With the intense noise gone, Lindsay could hear herself think again. Unfortunately it didn’t help much because her brain came up with nothing. They should have told Hank, right from the start. She should have known better. Of course this was going to end badly. 

‘You should return once you’ve calmed down,’ Connor tried. ‘I can explain.’ 

There wasn’t much to explain, really. But Lindsay kept the thought to herself. 

‘Fuck you,’ Hank said, his scoff practically audible through the closed door. ‘ _Both of you_.’ 

They heard him stomp off. 

‘Well, that was suboptimal,’ Connor said finally. 

‘You think?’ 

He looked at her with such genuine confusion that Lindsay decided to drop the sarcasm for now.

‘I should go talk to him,’ he told her then.

Admittedly, she wanted to agree because she really, _really_ didn’t want to deal with Hank. Except that this whole thing wasn’t going to be a problem if she told the man that she was planning to break up with Connor when they got back into the city.

‘It’s not you he’s mad at,’ Lindsay said thoughtfully. ‘Okay, maybe a little. But I’m the real problem, so I’ll go talk to him.’ 

 

The corridor was mostly empty, the only person in sight the middle-aged man who was cleaning the room three doors down. He looked at Lindsay with a strange expression as she walked past. Probably heard the little exchange not long ago, didn’t like someone banging on one of the doors. _Understandable_. 

She reached her destination much too fast and ignored the tremble in her hand when she knocked on the door. There were a lot of different places for Hank to go in this hotel, but his room seemed like a good start. 

‘Fuck off.’ 

 _Jackpot,_ Lindsay thought to herself. Well, not really. She would have much preferred if he hadn’t been there. Was there a word for that? _Anti-jackpot_? 

‘It’s me.’

‘Fuck off. Still.’ 

Lindsay sighed impatiently. ‘I just want to talk.’

This just had to happen today. As if she wasn’t already going to have a terrible day. There was no reply for a couple of seconds.

‘You’re not going away, are you?’ Hank asked finally. 

‘No.’ 

The door swung open on creaky hinges and Lindsay took an involuntary step back as every part of her just wanted to run. Instead she forced herself to stand up a little straighter and hopefully look a little less nervous. 

‘So,’ the man said impatiently, ‘start talking.’ 

‘Can I at least come in?’

The cleaner had just emerged from the room further down the hallway and was already looking at them suspiciously as he pushed his cart towards them. 

‘No.’ 

‘Alright, fine,’ Lindsay hissed back. They were going to do this in the middle of the hallway and it would be embarrassing. Great. ‘There’s no reason to worry about Connor and me,’ she began then. Of course they weren’t the right words and she sounded like an idiot but it didn’t matter now anyway. 

But Hank chose to misinterpret everything she said. ‘No reason to worry?’ he repeated incredulously. ‘You know he’s just - I don’t know, just looking for someone to tell him what to do, right? Like a fucking handler.’ He practically spat the words out as if they were poison. 

Lindsay tried not to flinch. Hearing exactly what she had been telling herself all this time hurt. It took a moment to remind herself that it didn’t matter anymore now. But it still stung. 

‘You’re right,’ she said softly. 

‘I can’t believe that he... Wait, what?’ 

‘I said you’re right,’ Lindsay repeated. ‘It was a huge mistake and I’m going to break it off.’ 

Finally saying the words out loud didn’t make them any better but she couldn’t look away from the man. She wasn’t going to let him know much it hurt, most definitely wasn’t going to cry in front of someone again. 

‘I’m glad we agree.’ A sadistic grin twisted his features. That was new. 

Lindsay wanted to tell him that his life was pathetic if this was something that brought him so much joy, but what was the point? After today she’d most likely never see the man again, picking a fight now was just a waste of energy. 

‘Don’t say anything to Connor, alright?’ she told him instead. It should have been obvious, really, but maybe he’d take too much pleasure in being the one to ruin everything. 

‘Sure, I’ll let you do the honours.’ 

 

Lindsay was glad when she made it back to her own room. Of course she had known there were issues with her dating someone she had held so much power over previously, but she had still tried to do the right thing, hadn’t been pushy or impatient. Right?

It didn’t matter, she told herself, over and over again. It didn’t make a difference now. Her mistakes had been made before they had ever gone out. No amount of trying hard was going to change that. 

In her room, Connor sat on the edge of the now made bed, tossing his coin up in the air before catching it again easily. He pocketed it just as Lindsay closed the door behind herself. 

‘How did it go?’ he asked, trying and failing to sound casual. 

‘Good, I guess.’ She should have really figured out what to say before coming back in. 

‘You guess?’ Connor questioned suspiciously, only one step away from interrogating her. 

‘Oh, you know Hank. He’s cranky but he’ll get over it.’ That sounded about right. Maybe. She really hadn’t interacted with the man that much. ‘Anyway, you still wanna go get food with me?’ 

 

Of course Connor didn’t seem completely convinced because that would have been too easy, but he followed her to the elevator anyway. Lindsay supposed everything else that had happened this weekend was her saving grace and stopped him from asking too many questions for now. Which seemed almost like an unprecedented amount of self-restraint, considering Connor usually questioned everything. 

Once they reached the ground floor it was really only a matter of following the almost intense smell of food to its source. She left Connor at a table while she went to get an enormous bowl of cereal and tried to avoid anyone she knew from the DPD. This worked all the way past the selection of food and back to the table. Then Sarah, the happy bride herself, suddenly appeared from nowhere. Lindsay pretended to be completely engrossed in her bowl of fruit loops, hoping the other woman wasn’t aiming for their table. Only seconds later she received her answer when one of the free chairs slid across the floorboards with a quiet squeak. 

‘Hey you guys,’ Sarah said so brightly that she wouldn’t have been out of place in some over the top TV show. 

‘Good morning,’ Connor told her softly while Lindsay just grumbled something around her spoon. Why did people have to be so cheerful in the morning? 

‘So, how did you like the wedding yesterday?’ the other woman asked. 

With an internal sigh Lindsay put her spoon down. If she was letting Connor answer this by himself, it would certainly end up being an awkward conversation and Sarah wouldn’t ever leave. 

‘It was so beautiful,’ she said softly. ‘Especially the ceremony. I really liked what the celebrant said at the start.’ In truth she could barely remember anything the celebrant had said. She felt terrible about it but it just hadn’t been a good day. 

But to Sarah, it didn’t matter. ‘Oh, you mean the quote?’ she asked excitedly and Lindsay nodded. ‘I’m so glad you liked it! We actually picked it ourselves because we thought it described us perfectly.’

Connor had apparently caught up on the mood of the conversation and he most likely had the advantage of actually remembering what had been said. ‘It was very fitting,’ he told Sarah earnestly. 

The woman’s smile only grew wider, her face taking on a dreamy expression as she obviously recalled her special day. With a bit of luck she’d leave without asking any uncomfortable questions.

‘So where did you guys disappear to after the ceremony?’ Sarah asked then and Lindsay was glad she had stopped eating. Otherwise she might have been choking on her breakfast. So much for not asking uncomfortable questions. 

She should have really prepared for this, made up some story. But she’d been too busy dealing with everything else. 

‘We explored the hotel for a while,’ Connor said as if that was a normal thing to do during a wedding. ‘It’s very old-fashioned which I personally found interesting.’ 

To Lindsay it was perfectly obvious that he was trying to distract Sarah with details. But it seemed to work. 

‘That’s exactly why we picked this place!’ she exclaimed. ‘Everything is so tasteful.’ 

Lindsay decided to play along. It had been her breakdown after all. ‘We even made it all the way to the top, to the sunroom. The view was so nice that we decided to go outside.’ 

Sarah nodded so happily that it should have been a crime to trick her like this. Then again, was this really tricking her? They had been to the sunroom. They had been outside. And it definitely had been pretty. Really, they were just leaving a few details out. 

She launched herself into a story about the view and how it related to her and her brand new wife. Eventually someone called her name from the other side of the room. She excused herself, but not before excessively thanking both Connor and Lindsay for coming to her wedding. Then she practically sauntered across the room and towards whoever had called her. 

‘We still make a good team,’ Connor assessed after they watched her leave. 

‘When have we ever made a good team?’ Lindsay asked around a mouthful of fruit loops, which she could now safely eat again. Finally.

‘Well, there was the time we played laser tag and won,’ he reminded her, ‘and we did just successfully deceive a co-worker.’ 

Lindsay swallowed before talking again. ‘There was also the time we were supposed to stop the rise of deviancy and look at us now.’ 

Connor straight out grinned at her from across the table. A little awkwardly, but still. ‘Personally I think that worked out rather well.’

She couldn’t help but to smile back. This was going to be so difficult. ‘It sure did,’ she agreed finally.

_Oh boy._

 

The drive home was terrible to say the least. Where on the way to the wedding Hank had passed his time asking questions about Lindsay’s car, he now seemed intent on looking from Connor to Lindsay expectantly, as if he thought something incredible might happen any moment. 

Of course Connor noticed, it was almost impossible not to, but he couldn’t possibly know why it was happening. Perhaps he assumed it was only because Hank knew they were dating now and he had problems processing this new information. Whatever it was that Connor thought, he stayed silent as well. He really did choose the absolutely worst moments to stop speaking.

Lindsay would have done anything to hear some of that ridiculous small talk. 

Instead she was stuck with awkward silence and her own thoughts. Neither one was very fun. 

She felt almost sick from nerves, knowing what she had to do, even though she kept reassuring herself that it was the right decision. It didn’t feel so right.

What was she even going to say? She needed to word it just right to make sure Connor knew it wasn’t his fault. But it wasn’t easy and Lindsay wasn’t good with words, wasn’t good with feelings or apologies. This was exactly why she didn’t date. It was too difficult. 

 

They made it back into the city before she was able to find a way of expressing her thoughts. Now she almost wished that Hank had blurted out the happy news despite her request. But in an unusual show of cooperation he had remained silent. 

She stopped her car in front of the man’s house but he didn’t get out immediately. Instead Lindsay watched in the rear-view mirror as he leaned forward towards the centre console. 

‘You should come over later.’

‘I should?’ Connor asked after a moment. 

‘Yeah. Gotta get you caught up on all the good movies after all.’ 

At least Hank genuinely cared about him. It made Lindsay feel a little better. 

But Connor looked over at her expectantly. Maybe he was checking if they had any un-discussed plans, maybe he definitely knew something was up now. Either way, Lindsay pretended she hadn’t noticed. 

‘I might,’ Connor said finally. ‘Thank you.’

Hank gave her a disapproving look and for a second it seemed like he wanted to say something. But he stayed quiet, exiting the car instead. Lindsay waited until he had disappeared through his front door before she spoke. 

‘Can we go and talk for a bit? There’s something I have to tell you.’ If she was going to do this, she was going to do it right and at least be honest. 

‘Of course. Is everything alright?’ She could feel Connor’s eyes on her as she put the car back into gear and pulled onto the road. But she couldn’t reply. 

Instead Lindsay drove to one of the parks at the river, not far from Belle Isle. It was one of her favourite spots in the city, Lake St. Clair just about visible from where she parked the car. Even though it was only some time in the afternoon, it was almost dark, the sky now crowded with clouds again, looking like it might rain. How very fitting. 

‘Is there a reason why we’ve come all the way out here?’ Connor asked finally. He’d been silent during the drive, maybe catching up on her mood. 

‘It’s quiet here,’ Lindsay said as if that explained everything. But of course it didn’t and she could practically feel the android’s confusion. 

‘Listen... I don’t know how to say this.’ She’d been thinking about it since they had left the hotel but the right words just didn’t present themselves. Her heart was hammering away in her chest, as if she had just run a marathon, and Lindsay rubbed her sweaty hands along her thighs. ‘There’s something I need to tell you but I’m not sure where to start.’ 

‘Does this have something to do with why you were so upset yesterday?’ Connor asked suddenly and she wished he wasn’t so assertive.

‘Yeah. It’s just - The day we first met, do you remember the android that took you to my office?’ Lindsay couldn’t drag this out forever. It would only get worse the more she stuttered.

‘Yes, I do.’ 

Of course Connor remembered. He literally had a perfect memory. How she kept forgetting that she wasn’t sure.

‘There was a - a small mishap before she brought you in. So I told her to go and see maintenance. She never came back.’ Lindsay purposely didn’t look over at him. All this time she’d been trying to avoid the memory, just to bring it back like this now. 

‘What happened to her?’ Connor asked carefully. He could probably guess the answer already.

‘She was destroyed because she exhibited signs of deviancy.’ Lindsay kept her eyes fixed on where the river met the lake, the water the same muddy grey as the sky. ‘It’s my fault that they killed her.’

It was quiet for a moment and she felt a little as if she was awaiting her own execution. But it was only fair. She had made the mistake and now she would pay for it. 

‘That’s terrible,’ Connor said finally, ‘but you can’t blame yourself. You didn’t know what was happening.’ 

A huff of laughter tore itself from her throat, quiet and bitter. ‘I should have known. Why are you always trying to make excuses for me?’ 

‘I’m not,’ he tried to argue but it sounded more like a question, as if he doubted it, too. 

‘You are. Let’s not act like I’m infallible or something.’ She couldn’t have been any further from it if she tried. There were plenty of things she had done wrong, plenty of things she was going to do wrong. 

‘I’m not,’ Connor repeated, a little more convincing this time. ‘But you’ve always been kind to me, even when you had no reason to.’ 

It was so difficult to insist on how she had done the wrong thing when he seemed so hell-bent on thinking of Lindsay as a good person. But people weren’t just that, were they? Not just good or bad, not one thing or another. And yet whatever ideology Connor had decided to believe in seemed to dictate exactly that. He’d said as much before, called her a good person and apparently had decided that he didn’t want to change his mind.

‘After the revolution, when you gave me the data you took from CyberLife... It contained the reports you made to your superiors about me,’ Connor said suddenly. 

‘I know.’ Of course she had looked at what she had taken, but they had discussed this before.  

‘You lied,’ he pointed out then, as if Lindsay didn’t know that. ‘The data you submitted and the analysis that went with all of it, it was wrong.’ 

‘I know.’ She wasn’t stupid. Occasional mistakes were perfectly normal, but she wasn’t the type to mess up entire reports. 

‘When there were signs of me becoming deviant, you didn’t report it. But I don’t understand why.’ 

There it was. Lindsay had almost been wondering how long it would take for Connor to finally bring that up. 

‘I was curious to see what would happen,’ she said, shrugging. It wasn’t a secret that she had enjoyed her job at some point, wasn’t a secret that curiosity was what made it interesting. ‘And anyway, I told them I would do the job. I never said I’d do it well.’

Connor looked over at her, his confusion almost painfully obvious. ‘You lied,’ he pointed out then as if she didn’t know it. ‘If they hadn’t planned on me becoming deviant anyway, you would have gotten into trouble.’ 

‘Maybe. But I just didn’t care anymore.’ Lindsay had been afraid at first, not wanting to lose her job. Then eventually she had realized that it wasn’t the biggest of her problems and instead she had begun treating work as more of her personal experiment. And maybe she hadn’t wanted to see CyberLife’s dorkiest prototype be destroyed immediately. 

All of this was difficult to explain, difficult to put into words and so she just didn’t. 

 

Slowly the sky grew even darker and the lights in the park came on. The Christmas decorations were still up, their steady white glow now beginning to outline the trees. They were reflected, if only vaguely, in the ripples of the water. There weren’t a lot of other people around, maybe because it was cold and they had something better to do on New Year’s Day. It was quiet and peaceful, which only reminded Lindsay of how tired she was. She wanted to say it had been a long day, but it really hadn’t. Just a long drive. A long couple of months, maybe. Who was keeping count after all? 

There had not been much of a reaction to her words, _her confession_ , really. It made her wonder if there was something she was missing. Connor had only tried to make her feel better. But it was so... _illogical_. 

 

‘I have something to tell you, too,’ he said, finally breaking the silence. ‘But it’s very difficult to talk about.’ 

Lindsay glanced over at him but it was his turn to stay focused on the water now. The red flash of his LED was vaguely reflected in the windscreen. It took a few moments for Connor to start speaking again but when he did, he told her about the soldiers he had killed during the attack on Jericho. Then, even more quietly, about the security agents at CyberLife. He sounded far more like his machine-version now, his voice flat and unmoved. Maybe he hadn’t been trying to make her feel better after all, only himself.

 

When he finished, Lindsay tried to think of something to say. Something to let him know she wasn’t freaking out completely but of course she couldn’t think of anything.

‘I know,’ she said eventually. 

‘You do?’ Connor sounded almost scared. 

‘Well, I didn’t know about the team at Jericho but I guessed. And a friend of mine told me about the agents. He did security at CyberLife as well, said he’d seen the surveillance footage and that it was _my prototype_ who had killed the agents.’ 

Friend was admittedly extremely vague but Lindsay didn’t feel like explaining that particular detail right now.

‘I didn’t mean to harm any of them,’ Connor said softly, eyes still fixed on the water.

‘I get it. You didn’t have a choice. It was either them or you.’ Lindsay hated how cruel she sounded. Not like the person she wanted to be at all. 

‘Is that all you have to say?’ Connor asked, the almost-surprised tone of his voice making it very clear that he, too, thought her reaction was lacking. But how could she possibly explain it?

‘When I was little, my brother and me would sneak out of our rooms sometimes when our dad had his friends over. They’d sit and talk about their deployments, tell each other about all the people they’ve killed. What you’ve done isn’t the worst thing I’ve heard. Not by far.’

Lindsay could feel Connor look at her but she didn’t take her own eyes off the scenery. ‘If you’re looking for someone to be outraged, I’m not the right person. I don’t know any different.’ 

It sounded so terrible but if it was retribution Connor was looking for, she couldn’t provide it. Maybe it was some strange kind of last-ditch effort because even the government didn’t want to prosecute him. While there was still a haze surrounding the events in November, something dark and thick that made it impossible to separate fact from fiction, truth from lies, it had still been declared a civil war. An extremely brief one, yes _. Fortunately_. But a civil war nevertheless and therefor there was no prosecution on either side. 

At first glance it seemed cruel to ignore the blood spilled so easily. But in reality it was a deal the government had profited from. _The human government._ After all far more androids than humans had been killed. And yet the deal was offered like some kind of special saving grace for the new members of society.

‘So you’re not upset?’ Connor asked suddenly. It was a very effective way to disturb Lindsay’s train of thought. 

‘Look, I’m not going to pretend I like it, or that it’s not something terrible,’ she replied, glad that her voice didn’t shake, ‘but I get it. I do.’

He nodded next to her and seemed to need a moment to process this new information. 

They had both done the wrong thing, even though their motives were different. But if Lindsay could live with someone else’s crimes so easily, regard them in shades of grey rather than black and white, maybe she could learn to live with her own, somehow learn how to cope. Maybe this had just been one of those times she had freaked out and drawn conclusions in the haze of confusion, when her own feelings had made it impossible to consider the situation with so much as a single clear and logical thought. Or maybe she had just pushed the issue so far away from herself again already that it was easier to think about now because it felt much more like someone else’s problem. But there was only one way to find out. She’d have to actually try and just accept that it was something she needed to deal with. 

It had been a very strange few months, but the world had continued to turn. 

Maybe it would do the same now. 

Maybe, despite the fear and the worries, the guilt and the mistakes, life would just carry on. It wasn’t the first time that Lindsay had told herself the world was ending, just for the sun to rise again the next morning.

‘What now?’ Connor asked finally, his voice still quiet. 

‘I have no idea,’ she told him, shrugging. ‘I guess we’ll have to figure it out.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... and we're done!  
>  This is so much longer than it was ever meant to be and I'm just glad to have finished it tbh.  
> That being said, I've been working on a more police work oriented thing which I've decided is actually going to get to see the light of day! I'm taking two-ish weeks off from posting and then I'll be back in early February. So keep an eye out if you like strange cases, evidence-licking, Hank giving relationship advice and also Valentine's Day ;)


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